Am I at a disadvantage or Is it my fault?

[Muzamil_Syed]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I will try to specify my situation as much as possible without going too broad. In the past couple of years as I started volunteering at the masjid during the month of Ramadan to expose myself to a better environment and better company, there has been what I like to tell myself an excuse of not being as privileged as the other friends and families I see there. This has been causing me some anxiety to be able to talk to my friends and other volunteers at the masjid. Now why I feel so underprivileged is because while I was growing up as a kid, Islam was not stressed enough around my house, although my Mom kept reminding me at times to keep up with my daily prayers. The problem is, and I feel really embarrassed to be talking about my father this way, is that my father himself has not created a halal environment around us as we were growing up, did not teach us islam, and tries to avoid hanging around family members that are religious having a negative impact on us growing up. My father is a really hard worker and has always made sure his family is living under comfortable living conditions as well as having the biggest heart and caring for EVERYONE so there is definitely no problem in that aspect. The problems is as we were growing up we would always watch him drinking, surrounding himself and us with the wrong neighbors, rather than islamic friends, and watching TV shows like american idol that would absolutely not benefit my brother and I growing up as Muslims. As a result we are embarrassed to talk about Islam to each other as a family and I a myself am shy to bring this situation up to the sheikh out of respect for my father. It is because of this and not being knowledgeable about Islam that I feel like I am not worthy enough or not at the level of my friends at the masjid who grew up with Islam stressed to them all their lives. So far during this beautiful month of Ramadan I have focused a lot of my dua's to Allah SWT to Please bring guidance back to my father so that it may benefit us all as a family. Now since Islam wasn't stressed enough to me while I was growing up and I am not in a sense "caught up" compared to others in terms of knowledge of the Quran, Hadiths, Ettiuquetts, etc... is it completely my fault for not recognizing and taking action at a young age or was I at a disadvantage because I grew up with less of an islamic environment ? If so will I be judged in accordance to this disadvantage? I know now being 22 years old that I can make sure I at least make sure I surround myself with better company but would definitely love advice on how it can be easier being surround by the negative environment my father creates. I am scared to approach him on the topic because it does anger him and at this point it would be uncomfortable for my brother and I to speak to him about Islam because we hardly ever talked to each other about it growing up. Although my father does not practice Islam for over 35 years as he did when it was stressed to him as a kid he is still definitely a believer and respects the efforts I put in. Jazakullah for all the help! I will definitely have more to add if asked

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Allah knows best. I can't see it as being your fault if you were never exposed to the Islamic environment and teachings. However, it's always best not to look at the past. Now that you have found guidance, look to your future and forget about what has and has not happened. Many people find guidance at specific turning points in life and don't know anything about Islam prior to that. You are not alone in that aspect. Stick around an Islamic community and slowly you'll pick things up in sha Allah.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I will try to specify my situation as much as possible without going too broad. In the past couple of years as I started volunteering at the masjid during the month of Ramadan to expose myself to a better environment and better company, there has been what I like to tell myself an excuse of not being as privileged as the other friends and families I see there. This has been causing me some anxiety to be able to talk to my friends and other volunteers at the masjid. Now why I feel so underprivileged is because while I was growing up as a kid, Islam was not stressed enough around my house, although my Mom kept reminding me at times to keep up with my daily prayers. The problem is, and I feel really embarrassed to be talking about my father this way, is that my father himself has not created a halal environment around us as we were growing up, did not teach us islam, and tries to avoid hanging around family members that are religious having a negative impact on us growing up. My father is a really hard worker and has always made sure his family is living under comfortable living conditions as well as having the biggest heart and caring for EVERYONE so there is definitely no problem in that aspect. The problems is as we were growing up we would always watch him drinking, surrounding himself and us with the wrong neighbors, rather than islamic friends, and watching TV shows like american idol that would absolutely not benefit my brother and I growing up as Muslims. As a result we are embarrassed to talk about Islam to each other as a family and I a myself am shy to bring this situation up to the sheikh out of respect for my father. It is because of this and not being knowledgeable about Islam that I feel like I am not worthy enough or not at the level of my friends at the masjid who grew up with Islam stressed to them all their lives. So far during this beautiful month of Ramadan I have focused a lot of my dua's to Allah SWT to Please bring guidance back to my father so that it may benefit us all as a family. Now since Islam wasn't stressed enough to me while I was growing up and I am not in a sense "caught up" compared to others in terms of knowledge of the Quran, Hadiths, Ettiuquetts, etc... is it completely my fault for not recognizing and taking action at a young age or was I at a disadvantage because I grew up with less of an islamic environment ? If so will I be judged in accordance to this disadvantage? I know now being 22 years old that I can make sure I at least make sure I surround myself with better company but would definitely love advice on how it can be easier being surround by the negative environment my father creates. I am scared to approach him on the topic because it does anger him and at this point it would be uncomfortable for my brother and I to speak to him about Islam because we hardly ever talked to each other about it growing up. Although my father does not practice Islam for over 35 years as he did when it was stressed to him as a kid he is still definitely a believer and respects the efforts I put in. Jazakullah for all the help! I will definitely have more to add if asked

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Firstly my brother it is by the will and grace of Allah that he has given you guidance when you had little of it whilst you were growing up. Surely Allah wanted you closer to him in fulfilling your obligations unto him. Secondly then my brother it is not a fault of yours that you grew up in such an environment nor is it a fault of anyone who grows up in the environment they grew up in. That is just the way it is. We should look at those who were more unfortunate than us to have grown up in foster care, youth hostels etc. At least we had parents who looked after us.

Thirdly then my brother we must realise that guidance is not in our hands. Those of us who did grow up in non practising environments had no control of it then but we do have some influence now. We cannot guide anyone. All we can do is remind, and try our best to influence others by our behaviour, dawah etc. in the best manner possible using wisdom and tact and make much Dua asking and begging of Allah especially in the latter part of the night. That is all we can possibly do as guidance is not in our hands.

Also we cannot judge our situation in accordance with that of others or our friends. We do not know how they were brought up or what they truly went through during their upbringings. Not everyone will tell you everything about their childhood and youth. It maybe that some had Islam taught to them but their parents were not loving towards them etc. We cannot judge another persons upbringing and compare it to our own. What matters is where you are now. Allah is guiding you towards him and you should thank him as much as you can and strive to become as close to him as possible.

It does not matter if you had or have no knowledge now, what matters is what you do about it. I would recommend you join a local Islamic learning group or courses in your area or there are also some good online courses. Try to spend time with a local learned scholar so that you may benefit from his knowledge and wisdom. Befriend good brothers who are striving to please him and fear Allah. Keep a good close connection with the Masjid as this is a safe haven for the Muslim.

So you must never see your situation whilst growing up as a disadvantage but it is the will of Allah and many have had much worse upbringings and were brought up in terrible environments but they still came out as God fearing people. Therefore the past does not matter. What matters is who we are now and what we are doing about making ourselves the best Muslims we can possibly be. Our behaviour is the best dawah we can give to our families, relatives, friends and others. Other things you can do is to slowly try and influence things in the house by putting on Islamic channels on the TV. Putting on lectures on the internet. Talking about Islam to your household about the greatness of Allah. Talking about why doing something in an Islamic way is more beneficial than doing it in a way that is not Islamic. Also talking much about death and the Hereafter.

So my brother what matters is no not the past. If you had prayers and fasts to make up from puberty until now then you should try and do so. Apart from that ask of Allah to forgive your past and present sins and you will find him to be most merciful. If you think your past will hold you back now from becoming the best Muslim possible then you are wrong and this is negativity is not the way of a Muslim. A Muslim must be positive and be hopeful and have trust in Allah. The fact Allah has given you guidance proves that he wants you to be the best Muslim you can possibly be. The only thing stopping you is yourself.

May Allah enable us to become the best Muslims we can possibly be. Ameen

 

[Muzamil_Syed]

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Firstly my brother it is by the will and grace of Allah that he has given you guidance when you had little of it whilst you were growing up. Surely Allah wanted you closer to him in fulfilling your obligations unto him. Secondly then my brother it is not a fault of yours that you grew up in such an environment nor is it a fault of anyone who grows up in the environment they grew up in. That is just the way it is. We should look at those who were more unfortunate than us to have grown up in foster care, youth hostels etc. At least we had parents who looked after us.

Thirdly then my brother we must realise that guidance is not in our hands. Those of us who did grow up in non practising environments had no control of it then but we do have some influence now. We cannot guide anyone. All we can do is remind, and try our best to influence others by our behaviour, dawah etc. in the best manner possible using wisdom and tact and make much Dua asking and begging of Allah especially in the latter part of the night. That is all we can possibly do as guidance is not in our hands.

Also we cannot judge our situation in accordance with that of others or our friends. We do not know how they were brought up or what they truly went through during their upbringings. Not everyone will tell you everything about their childhood and youth. It maybe that some had Islam taught to them but their parents were not loving towards them etc. We cannot judge another persons upbringing and compare it to our own. What matters is where you are now. Allah is guiding you towards him and you should thank him as much as you can and strive to become as close to him as possible.

It does not matter if you had or have no knowledge now, what matters is what you do about it. I would recommend you join a local Islamic learning group or courses in your area or there are also some good online courses. Try to spend time with a local learned scholar so that you may benefit from his knowledge and wisdom. Befriend good brothers who are striving to please him and fear Allah. Keep a good close connection with the Masjid as this is a safe haven for the Muslim.

So you must never see your situation whilst growing up as a disadvantage but it is the will of Allah and many have had much worse upbringings and were brought up in terrible environments but they still came out as God fearing people. Therefore the past does not matter. What matters is who we are now and what we are doing about making ourselves the best Muslims we can possibly be. Our behaviour is the best dawah we can give to our families, relatives, friends and others. Other things you can do is to slowly try and influence things in the house by putting on Islamic channels on the TV. Putting on lectures on the internet. Talking about Islam to your household about the greatness of Allah. Talking about why doing something in an Islamic way is more beneficial than doing it in a way that is not Islamic. Also talking much about death and the Hereafter.

So my brother what matters is no not the past. If you had prayers and fasts to make up from puberty until now then you should try and do so. Apart from that ask of Allah to forgive your past and present sins and you will find him to be most merciful. If you think your past will hold you back now from becoming the best Muslim possible then you are wrong and this is negativity is not the way of a Muslim. A Muslim must be positive and be hopeful and have trust in Allah. The fact Allah has given you guidance proves that he wants you to be the best Muslim you can possibly be. The only thing stopping you is yourself.

May Allah enable us to become the best Muslims we can possibly be. Ameen

jazakallahu khayr brother for sharing this! One of my biggest weaknesses is always dwelling in the past rather than focusing on the present hopefully I can keep the thought positive and focus on the present and inshallah it will become second nature to me. As for being involved with the islamic community at the masjid, I have been volunteering during this month of Ramadan and alhamdullilah its humbling to be around such a large community of muslims but I am always afraid of approaching the sheikh or other well known scholars of the community and having atleast a small conversation with them mainly because it feels uncomfortable for me to talk about islam, since I grew up not learning much. Since I have been involved with volunteering during ramadan iftar, suhoor setups, etc.. to get my foot in the door the past couple years during Ramadan but have not done much in terms of letting others know about myself, so I was wondering if it would be a good idea to approach the Sheikh, when there is free time or through email about my issue so I can make myself feel more comfortable?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

jazakallahu khayr brother for sharing this! One of my biggest weaknesses is always dwelling in the past rather than focusing on the present hopefully I can keep the thought positive and focus on the present and inshallah it will become second nature to me. As for being involved with the islamic community at the masjid, I have been volunteering during this month of Ramadan and alhamdullilah its humbling to be around such a large community of muslims but I am always afraid of approaching the sheikh or other well known scholars of the community and having atleast a small conversation with them mainly because it feels uncomfortable for me to talk about islam, since I grew up not learning much. Since I have been involved with volunteering during ramadan iftar, suhoor setups, etc.. to get my foot in the door the past couple years during Ramadan but have not done much in terms of letting others know about myself, so I was wondering if it would be a good idea to approach the Sheikh, when there is free time or through email about my issue so I can make myself feel more comfortable?

Always try to be positive no matter what. Even write down reasons why you should be positive and keep it with you so whenever you feel negative you can read it and feel better. Also it is wonderful and very rewarding to volunteer yourself for your Masjid as the best of people are those who benefit people and their communities.

You mention being uncomfortable about talking about Islam but my brother the scholars speak with all kinds of people. Those who have had no Islam in the lives at all to those who are looking to accept Islam. They speak with very kind of Muslim and non Muslim so such a thing should be eradicated from your mind and your way of thinking. The very purpose of scholars are to teach, answer questions and be of service to their local and even national Muslim communities. Even Allah tells us in the Qur'an to refer to scholars when we do not know something. We are advised to sit with the learned so that we may benefit from their wisdom. Surely it is shaythan who is trying to divert you away from sitting and speaking to the learned so that you may not gain knowledge and wisdom from them.

So reject these absurd thoughts and way of thinking and take every opportunity to sit with the scholars and learned. Once you break the ice by introducing yourself and asking questions etc. then after that you will be fine. So break the ice and take every opportunity you can by sitting and spending time with the learned and ignore such thinking that is holding you back as it is illogical and a way of shaythan preventing you from gaining knowledge and wisdom.

Hope that helps. If you ever need any help then please do not hesitate to ask. Also remember us in your Dua's especially during the last 10 blessed days and night.

:wa: