Dear brothers and sisters,
This is my first post to the forum. And i am just near to Sucide. Every day someone or myself whisper in my heart in my ear, that i am finshed, i should be killed or go for sucide. There is nothing left for me in this world, and there is nothing good i can do .
Though i am 28 but I have seen too much hardships and misiries in my life. Due to some bad events in my life, I am compelled to think that Every thing which is going to happen with me next, will surely be negetive and bad. My desicion power is zero or even below then this. I have no confidense at all.
I have too many responsibilities in my life to wards my familay, becuase i am the elder one after my father's death 6 year back. But now i feel i have lost the battel of life.
Some time i feel i should not think like that , but the next moment the concequences of my own deed or due to my bad fate, something negeitve result come in front of me , and agin i went back to the same road which is pushing me towards dead end.
I dont know what should i do. y I am posting on this things on forum , i dont know. .....
Just want to get rid of these things and want to live for my family and a normal life..
Can a physicatrist or anything else can help me in this situation, or i am just choosen for bad...?
salam alaikum brother,
its really sad and heart breaking to hear what you are going through cos a few years back i myself went through the same thing and you know the funniest thing i myself felt the same way and thought the same way.
now the first thing you need to acknoweldge is that you are not destined for bad no one is, why is Allah swt the most mercifuland oft pardoning???
is He really going to destine His own slaves for bad.
brother when i was going through that stage in my life the early stages i was in denial and used to sit there pity myself and listen to the whispers of shaytaan and get more and more in despair, i used to sit and think but hold on why is this all happening to me?????????? why is God allowing to do this i know im a good person i have never harmed a soul so why me?????????
what you need to do is take a bit of time out and do some self reflection, why is this all happening to you?
after i did my self reflection i realised that ok i was a ok person and yes i never harmed a soul in my life but on the other hand i was a ungrateful slave of Allah swt and the one person that i did do bad and wronged was myself and my own soul.
I came across this ayah from the Quran 42:30
that sent jolts down my spine ad made me realise it felt as though Allah swt was directly talking to me.
And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much.
maybe this is not the case wth you, maybe you a believing brother with firm imaan nd a parctising one which i at that time was far from, so that knock down in my life was for a reason it was a way of Allah swt giving me my wake up call to fully turn to Him in submission.
the reason why i am giving you an example of my own experience is to let you know that there are other people that are out there in this world that go through same things you are not alone brother, i was myself was suicidal but Alhumdullilah through the mercy of Allah swt here i am today.
now many years down the line and here i am, i fully submitted to God and changed my whole life around i changed everything.
but still my hardships are with me the same hardships that i had then, 3 years down the line and nothings changed you want to know the truth, in fact things have got worse but Alhumdullilah i cannot complain, cos everytime i think that my relief is going to come things get harder but somehow out of somewhere i get this strength within me that i could never have imagined that i had before and i can bare this new worse hardship too.
now you would think or anyone would argue that when you fully submit to Him and do everything His way then why now why doesnt He lift the pain and hardship and give you your relief its cos now i know that this is my test!
whereas before i was being stricken with misfortune due to each evil sin that i had committed but now i am being tested and that in itself to me is a blessing.
after leading the life i used to before, i wouldnt even consider anyones repentance and give them the time of the day let alone the opportunity to test them if i was god Astaghfirullah... but that is the beauty and mercy of our Al Wadud.
if with you its not the former case then it is the later case and brother remember it will not always be this way this too shall Insha'Allah pass, now how it passes is up to you and in your hands, you either sit there and carry on listening to the evil whispers of shaytaan or you get up and for your own salvation turn to the only and only being that can help you cos no one else can.
Allah swt tells us 94: 5-6
So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,
Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).
there is not one but TWO reliefs how beautiful is that????
Allah swt is promising us that this hardship will be worth it in the end, cos He will make it up to us with 2 reliefs not just one relief equivalent to the hardship but something much better than that, And He's words are the TRUTH and only His promises each and every one of them will be fulfilled.
so Masha'Allah by you just coming here and posting this thread in itself is a mercy from Allah swt cos it shows that no matter how much in despair you are and how much you think that you have lost the battle that tiny hope inside your heart is still fighting.
so brother let it fight and become stronger and stronger, turn to Allah and fully submit and ask Him for strength ask Him for help and salvation and i promise you Insha'Allah you will get it all.
i pray that Allah swt turns you to Him fully and disposers all your affairs for you cos only He is the best disposer of all affairs, that He gives you peace, and storn imaan, that He gives you strength and the will and power to fight and defeat the jihad within you with the evil rejected shaytaan and that He makes you one of His righteous slaves and gives you Jannah as a reward to abide therein forever. I pray the same for every brother and sister of our ummah, may Allah swt the most merciful have mercy on all of us.
ma salama
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oh: whattt, no wayyy!