Am planing to get married but need sm advice...

[AlbanianMuslim]

This man has you so fooled that I fear nothing anyone says or does is going to change your mind.

He has you fooled. You remind me of myself when i was 19, believing everything i was told. Well, news flash, your in for a world of hurt.

 

[AlbanianMuslim]

so if he cared about you so much, why didnt he contact your wali instead of you? has he even inquired about your wali? when the cat's away, the mice come out to play.
maybe its because every other girls left him that he has come to mend his ego because he knows you are waiting for him

that is EXACTLY what he is doing. i have seen it happen so many times. this is a classic case of a man preying upon weak young victims.

 

[Abdul Wahid]

Sister I agree with most of the brothers and sisters here. Take their advice. Forget about him. Also get in touch with your parents. Talk to them.

You may think your mature at 19 and you may well be but your still young. Also there are plenty of other brothers. This guy you mention is 29 and seems to be playing you. Ignore him.

:wa:

 

[Soulja Girl]

Sorry love, you said he's 29, are you suuureee you wanna marry him? You're still only 19, am sure you'd find someone better, much younger :><: And how can you trust dat he's changed? He could be all talk...

:wa:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Best Advice!

Sister, having a relationship before marriage is forbidden. The correct way to get married is for a man to approach your wali for permission to marry you. Then you can meet in the presence of your wali and see whether you are compatible. You should not seek to be alone with a guy without the presence of your wali. Unfortunately, by not following these rules, situations like yours develop.

However, what's done is done. Move on, repent and when you get any more proposals in future, adopt the method specified above inshaAllah.

In the case of this particular guy, you have two options.

1. You refuse him outright cos of his past behaviour. Frankly, I think this would be the best option.

2. You tell him to approach your wali if you are willing to give him a second chance. Don't let him come up with excuses as to why he cannot. If it is serious, get family involved else if he hesitates on this even one bit, move on without giving him a second thought.

Don't forget Istikarah salah.

If only they follow the advice that is based upon Islam. Sister reread! I am amazed reading the other advice not based upon Islam but emotions. Even ItalianGuy who is a Christian provided sound advice. Very Very eye opening.

Always consider the source!

 

[Marjona]

what i thought i would have taken an advice from this site is an islamic point ...which i didnt ...most are upon emotion he lied he cheated well i see them all...through islam i need an answer...what happens when i read ll the advices different ppl different view...but anyway thnx to all of u !!!
may you all be in Allah`s guiddance.... Assalaku Aleikum va ramatullilah

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Isn't it obvious that if he's had a 6 month long haraam relationship with you, he could do the same with other girls? technically he didn't cheat on you because you guys weren't in a halal relationship to begin with.

Best advice is that you forget him and start over, this time doing things islamically by getting married first

 

[AlbanianMuslim]

what i thought i would have taken an advice from this site is an islamic point ...which i didnt ...most are upon emotion he lied he cheated well i see them all...through islam i need an answer...what happens when i read ll the advices different ppl different view...but anyway thnx to all of u !!!
may you all be in Allah`s guiddance.... Assalaku Aleikum va ramatullilah

Getting advice from MUSLIMS is getting advice from an islamic pt of view

Various pts. made here:

-You had a NON-Halal relationship with this man
-He had non-halal relationships with other women while being in a non-halal relationship with you (in more modern terms he is a player, and you are being played)
-You asked if people thought you would be making a mistake by marrying this man= consensus= YES YOU WILL BE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. YES, YES and YES.
-A few people suggested you turn to your parents for support and guidance, if you even for a split second dont want to do that, then there is another answer, you are not doing the right thing.



Heres a new train of thought for you to contemplate dear sister: If you have to ask if you should be marrying a particular individual or not than you probably shouldnt because you are UNSURE. When you are unsure, it is Allah swt putting that into your heart. If He wanted you to marry the man you wouldnt be asking us for help you would know in your heart it is right, but the fact alone that you are questioning yourself is your answer.


I am not just spouting off at the mouth here, I once entered into an engagement, the minute he started treating me like a load of garbage and i become "unsure" of being his wife for the rest of my life I ended it and I am the better for it and I thank Allah swt daily for helping me make the decision and getting me through the aftermath.

K, done.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

he contacted me as he says to see weather i can fogive and forget wht was in the past and strting living a better future...after my desicion he will take action on wali and parents and everything...or maybe as u said they left him he came back....but as i know him he can find anyone else if he wills but wants me...but i dont know how much true it wil be...

yes, and that's what im saying why not go straight to your wali? why the wait? there are other ways of finding if a sister is interested in you and genuine people got through her family. he has nothing to do with you until and unless he goes through your wali. your wali is like your fortress always remember that! this is how he used you last time-in the absence of your wali.

look sis, i'll admit that i dont really know the way men think or feel. but i know something for a fact. when a guy is genuinely interested in a girl, he makes a serious move ---> marriage. men aren't the emotion beings us women tend to be. they get straight to the point. you can always tell when a guy's genuinely interested in a sister they are blunt and can be hurtful not because they are hard hearted, but because the way they think is more simplistic then us think "well i dont like her, whats the point of being dishonest :><: " they dont have that emotion to take into consideration how a girl would feel. you see, straight for the kill this is why it is easy to read a mans mind


he's just saying what he did to "lure" you...you can do so much better. a guy whose hurt and cheated you hence you not knowing if he is a sincere guy or a guy who asks for your wali?

that is EXACTLY what he is doing. i have seen it happen so many times. this is a classic case of a man preying upon weak young victims.

that too.

Sorry love, you said he's 29, are you suuureee you wanna marry him? You're still only 19, am sure you'd find someone better, much younger :><: And how can you trust dat he's changed? He could be all talk...

:wa:

and that three

 

[Adage]

Sister, having a relationship before marriage is forbidden. The correct way to get married is for a man to approach your wali for permission to marry you. Then you can meet in the presence of your wali and see whether you are compatible. You should not seek to be alone with a guy without the presence of your wali. Unfortunately, by not following these rules, situations like yours develop.

However, what's done is done. Move on, repent and when you get any more proposals in future, adopt the method specified above inshaAllah.

In the case of this particular guy, you have two options.

1. You refuse him outright cos of his past behaviour. Frankly, I think this would be the best option.

2. You tell him to approach your wali if you are willing to give him a second chance. Don't let him come up with excuses as to why he cannot. If it is serious, get family involved else if he hesitates on this even one bit, move on without giving him a second thought.

Don't forget Istikarah salah.

I totally agree with that answer. Well said and at the end of the day, I think the best one to ask is Allah, for sure.
Wishing you all the best, In sha Allah!

 

[Grofica]

i say dont do it.... once a cheater always a cheater....