[anonymous]

akhi and ukthi.

I have a very severe anxiety problem. It had gotten worse over the years. most of the doc I see and my GP recommended that I see a shrink to get some help as he think I may be suffering from anxiety disorder but I refuses because A) I don't feel like talking to strangers and talking to strangers who are being paid makes me feel as if they HAVE to listen to my problems and they'll probably think of me as a lunatic. I don't open up easily to strangers...I like to keep things to myself. I always always feel that its not worth sharing because no one will care...they'll listen and probably just say "hey hang in there buddy, things will be fine. you'll be alright and so on so forth". I don't have many friends anymore as I always feel insecure around them. I always think everyone else is far way better than me and that they probably don't even need my company. People often only come to when they're in trouble or they needed someone to share their problems. When they need someone to listen...otherwise I feel like I'm always insignificant...which is..I guess is normal.

I wanted to have some friends...but sometimes its hard to have friends who is truly a friend...I have friends who are usually guys but I want a girl friend.(I'm a girl by the way) Sometimes I feel like people don't want to be my friend because I have clearly nothing to offer or because I'm ugly. If it isn't that then maybe because I'm just a boring person to be with.

I even registered to this website once but I hardly ever post anything because I fear that I'll be rejected here too because I'm not as knowledgeable as everyone else in this forum and I feel utterly ashamed and so down...so most of the time I just came here to lurk and read something. I learn so much from this forum...I'm just so grateful to Allah that I found this forum. Had it not been for this forum, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to gain knowledge in the religion that I am born...Ive tried taking classes before but I quit because people are always making a big fuss and judgmental because of my age and stuff. I wanted to go for online classes but I'm not sure if there is an online religion classes that is legit and affordable...

When I have anxiety attack I often feel pain and discomfort in the chest...which is very unpleasant...lately I tend to get shivers after the attack...

Aside from anxiety I always feel insecure about everything. My GP think I am also suffering from this thing called inferiority complex and bipolar...

I wasn't like this before...things became worse ever since my parent passed away. There is a saying that whatever doesn't kill you is suppose to make you stronger...with me it's nothing like that...I feel like I'm getting weaker...sometimes I feel like its probably just because I have a very weak iman...that is why I am like this...

Sometimes I feel like this is all the doing of the shaytan...but I'm not sure.

I am always worried what Allah thinks of me because I feel like I'm so imperfect. I have flaws. Too many flaws...this isn't just with Allah this is also with people around me..so I ended up having not many friends...I don't have family. Relatives abandoned me when I'm not doing good...I know all this is a test but I don't know how to over come it. My anxiety is always getting the best out of me... Sometimes I have a bad break down sometimes I say things that I would have never thought would come out from my mouth...When I come to my senses I would say istighfar many a times... Sometimes I think that maybe Allah is punishing me or something or maybe he dislike me for the many mistakes I did in the past.....and that make me feel more insecure....I don't want to be hated by him. I want his forgiveness so badly...

Is there a dua that could help me think of good thing instead of always expecting the worse and not have to go to a shrink and take certain meds?

also if it isn't too much to ask...please keep me in ur prayers...

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
has there been something that has triggered this such as a bad experience or something? what exactly do you get anxious about and why?

sometimes these things may happen at certain times/situations and for certain reasons. so if possible try to pinpoint what is the cause (when and why these happen) so that you devise a solution/remove it.

wanting to keep things to yourself is a good thing actually but thinking no-one cares, isn't true. it just matter of finding that good, reliable and loving friend to share your problems with... sometimes the best friend and the best being to talk to your problems about is Allah.

and sometimes the best thing to do, is have no friends. seriously, people can be such headaches, its better to be a loner.

be careful not to get too antisocial becuase then you forget how to socialize and you may get even more anti-social because you are too anxious about what to talk about, etc. another thing that will happen is that you aren't considerate of peoples feelings, etc simply becuase you aren't around people enough to know what is considered as offensive, etc....so you may find yourself blurting out things impulsively.

don't go to a shrink, they aren't always good. it maybe be my lack of understanding, but sometimes all we need is to give ourselves more credit and stop trying to "ridicule" ourselves by believing we are this or that. sometimes this makes us even more sick then we really are. we just need to grow a back-spine and snap out of it really =)

another thing, is that (judging by your post) you are a bit insecure about your self and rely too much on gaining that confidence and self esteem from others ....if yes, it maybe the reason for your other anxieties as well. between you not going to Islamic class becuase of what people say and worrying that you have nothing to offer it seems that this maybe the case (sorry, if im mistaken).

what have been your past experiences with people? have you been bullied or anything of that sort? becuase degradation will make us doubt ourselves and will always make us want to fit in and try that extra effort to make people love us - no matter what. if the people tell us we cant see, then we convince ourselves that we are blind and if the people tell us that we are ugly, then we see ourselves as ugly. always with cases like this, sadly we always strive to gain the approval of others -even those who have hurt us.

likewise if we are taught that we are beautiful, etc then we will think that. so all this anxiety maybe something you have been "conditioned" to.

i know this sound so airy fairy, but you have to realize that you are your own person. you have to learn how to love/appreciate that because you only live once and it would be such a waste of person to constantly seek approval of others (who probably don't even notice anyway).

and if you learn how to be confident and respect your own person for who you are, chances are people will respect you in return and if that happens then you don't need anyone's approval because you have shown people that you are strong so there's no need to fit in with them...you'd be the leader, not vise versa.

Sometimes I feel like people don't want to be my friend because I have clearly nothing to offer or because I'm ugly. If it isn't that then maybe because I'm just a boring person to be with.

i dont think people think like that. and even if they did, isnt it a good thing not to be friends with them :hmm:

make dua for Allah to help you.

EDIT: i just read the part about your gp, and i would have to agree (about the inferiority complex). as i said, i wouldn't be in the least surprised if this is where your anxiety is coming from =)

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam dear Uktee

Alhamdulilaah you took your precious time to ask your brothers and sisters in Islaam for advice and i feel grateful to be able to help you as much as i can Insha`Allaah

However,I am sorry to here about your situation, with your parents and your relatives who have abondoned you, May Allaah keep you a strong Muslimah, Ameen

Sis you have enough sisters here to befriend you and as well as myself : D

And sis all members on this forum and are still in the proccess of learning as that is why many joined the Geeky forum : D Masha`Allaah, so dont feel like your not part of us, you indeed are and your our sis in Islaam.
I will keep you in my Duaas sis : )
My advice is that when you feel down and are going through a hard time thank Allaah and be patient as much as can, as the Quraan speaks about Beautiful Patience (Sabarun Jameel), i found this thread on Li, and hope it helps its regarding Patience :

Link----> http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-purification-soul/26120-sabrun-jamil-beautiful-patience.html <---- ( I found it helpful, hope you do too )

I hope i helped a lil bit but Insha`Allaah and i hope that many other brothers sistahs will give you more advice Indeed

Peace . . .

 

[anonymous]

Jazakallah for taking the time to read and reply to my problems sister Ummu,

I don't know exactly. I just realized I became weaker and weaker after my parent had passed and my relatives abandoned me. Yes I do get bullied during childhood a lot among the neighbor kids. Mostly because of how different I look. People always try to convinced me that I am adopted just because my mother is fair and I'm dark. those days I don't really care so much. They can say whatever they like it wouldn't affected me at all. These days is different...sometimes little things will hurt me...

I am sort of like anti social right now and believe me I do not like it at all. Not a slightest bit of it...Its just that when I decided to be friends with other...I don't feel so accepted. It feels like everyone just had to put up with me so most of the time I just back off and thats usually the end of it. No one would bother to ring me or ask how I'm doing unless if they had a problem and they're in need of someone to talk to. Sometimes I want to be selfish and say no but I do not have the heart to...I do take a while to get comfortable with people. I do have major trust issues, Ive had people who betrayed me in the past so I hardly ever trust anyone ever since and thought keeping to myself would be best for me.

Islamic classes is another story. Instead of getting help and be guided...people always make a big issue of my age..sometimes they think of me as a joke and I do not appreciate that hence I stop attending the classes....I have only heard of SunniPath.com but I am unsure if I can afford to pay for the classes..I can't read arabic and that frustrates me the most...I always feel like a failure at all time and always convince that Allah will never love me now because I don't know how to read in arabic among other things..sometimes I want to ask things I do not know to my Muslim friends but most of the time I will get something like this "you're big girl just get a book or go to class and learn" or "how can you not know this thing? you should be ashame of yourself" so I stopped asking...Yes I am ashame of myself I just don't need to be reminded of that ...I always have to muster a gut to ask people and when I get those kind of feedback it hurts me...finding this forum so far is probably the best thing for me - learning wise I mean...I just don't have the gut to login using my name and ask questions..I am also afraid of wanting to make friends because I'm afraid I will be rejected again...

I also found sites like mount hira helpful...if there is any other sites that shares similarity to mount hira..please do share.

 

[anonymous]

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam dear Uktee

Alhamdulilaah you took your precious time to ask your brothers and sisters in Islaam for advice and i feel grateful to be able to help you as much as i can Insha`Allaah

However,I am sorry to here about your situation, with your parents and your relatives who have abondoned you, May Allaah keep you a strong Muslimah, Ameen

Sis you have enough sisters here to befriend you and as well as myself : D

And sis all members on this forum and are still in the proccess of learning as that is why many joined the Geeky forum : D Masha`Allaah, so dont feel like your not part of us, you indeed are and your our sis in Islaam.
I will keep you in my Duaas sis : )
My advice is that when you feel down and are going through a hard time thank Allaah and be patient as much as can, as the Quraan speaks about Beautiful Patience (Sabarun Jameel), i found this thread on Li, and hope it helps its regarding Patience :

Link----> http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-purification-soul/26120-sabrun-jamil-beautiful-patience.html <---- ( I found it helpful, hope you do too )

I hope i helped a lil bit but Insha`Allaah and i hope that many other brothers sistahs will give you more advice Indeed

Peace . . .

jazakallah khair sis мυѕℓιмαн. Thanks for keeping me in your duas. I will do the same for you.

I want to ukthi but I'm afraid to join and I'm afraid that people here won't accept me...whenever I login and try to ask question using my i.d I will feel very insecure so I instead of asking I logged out.... I wish this anonymous acct is made available to all thread. I also notice to join the sisters forum, you have to have a certain amount of post counts. Even to message someone privately you have to have a certain amount of post counts before you're allowed...so it's difficult for me.

thank you for the link I will have a read of it soon.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

jazakallah khair sis мυѕℓιмαн. Thanks for keeping me in your duas. I will do the same for you.

I want to ukthi but I'm afraid to join and I'm afraid that people here won't accept me...whenever I login and try to ask question using my i.d I will feel very insecure so I instead of asking I logged out.... I wish this anonymous acct is made available to all thread. I also notice to join the sisters forum, you have to have a certain amount of post counts. Even to message someone privately you have to have a certain amount of post counts before you're allowed...so it's difficult for me.

thank you for the link I will have a read of it soon.

Wa Iyaaki sis no problem and Jazakallahu Khaayr for keeping me in your duaas also.

Hmm sis feel free to use any account you wish if it makes you feel more secure in asking Questions in the "Anonymous" account, no worries

But please do try to message any sisters if you need some help if you dont feel secure asking in public Insha`Allaaah : D

Peace

 

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu Sis,


Wallahi you actually remind me a rose bud that hasn't unfolded yet. Its scent is safe within to be released when it matures. Until then its closure (your anxieties) are keeping it safe from falling into the wrong hands and being crushed. Just as the rose needs water and sunlight to come into bloom, we need remembrance of Allah and His blessings to blossom into the best we can be.


My dear sister, the biggest healer is Allah. No doctor, surgeon, therapist, or medicine can heal without His will. There are no greater deeds than those loved by Allah.


Allah says in the Quran: “Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97]


Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “When a person spends his entire day with no other concern but Allaah alone, Allaah, may He be glorified, will take care of all his needs and take care of all that is worrying him; He will empty his heart so that it will be filled only with love for Him, free his tongue so that it will speak only in remembrance of Him (dhikr) and cause all his faculties to work only in obedience to Him. But if a person spends his entire day with no other concern but this world, Allaah will make him bear its distress, anxiety and pain; He will leave him to sort himself out, and cause his heart to be distracted from the love of Allaah towards the love of some created being, cause his tongue to speak only in remembering people instead of remembering Allaah, and cause him to use his talents and energy in obeying and serving them. So he will strive hard, labouring like some work-animal, to serve something other than Allaah… Everyone who turns away from being a true slave of Allaah and obeying Him and loving Him will be burdened with servitude, love and obedience to some created being. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘And whosoever turns away (blinds himself) from the remembrance of the Most Beneficent (Allaah), We appoint for him a shaytaan (devil) to be a qareen (intimate companion) to him.’ [al-Zukhruf 43:36].”


I swear by Allah, there is no better way to find relief from pain and sorrow except in the remembrance of Allah. Your anxieties will run from you. Even in your worldly affairs, your daily tasks, remember Allah as much as you can. But remembering Allah doesn’t mean only remembering Him in your heart and with your tongue. It also means being aware of our actions and avoiding the things which Allah hates and striving in that which He loves - Being His obedient servant in implementing the Quran and Sunnah in our life, and repenting for our failures and sins. This is the secret to happiness and success in both worlds. That’s all you need to do little rosebud to blossom into a beautiful little flower.

Who's like this? :wub:

..and who's going to become like this? InshaAllah

 

[gladTidings]

^ Such a beautiful post sis. Im not the OP but your words just lifted a huge weight from me subhanAllah. JazakAllah Khair xxx

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

^Masha`Allaah that rose is really beautiful!

Subhaan`Allaah the creation of Allaah SWT, A b

 

[anonymous]

wsalam

thank you for the post sis Amaturahman...your post made me cry...I am trying my best to get close to him but I also need some help...I don't know where to start...

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I don't know exactly. I just realized I became weaker and weaker after my parent had passed and my relatives abandoned me. Yes I do get bullied during childhood a lot among the neighbor kids. Mostly because of how different I look. People always try to convinced me that I am adopted just because my mother is fair and I'm dark. those days I don't really care so much. They can say whatever they like it wouldn't affected me at all. These days is different...sometimes little things will hurt me...

May Allah have mercy on your parents and grant them jannah.
but you know what they say isnt true right? It just could be your whole state of mind and trials in life that are causing you to be sensitive like this.

It could be that you dont know how to deal with this and thus it is making you weaker. Once we know how to deal with our problems, they actually become almost insignificant, so yes perhaps you havnt really figured out a way to deal with your problems.

Do you often miss your parents? What was your relationship with them like? Did they make you feel like a strong person and thus when they passed away, you weakened in this respect becuase you had no strong support?

Islamic classes is another story. Instead of getting help and be guided...people always make a big issue of my age..sometimes they think of me as a joke and I do not appreciate that hence I stop attending the classes....I have only heard of SunniPath.com but I am unsure if I can afford to pay for the classes..I can't read arabic and that frustrates me the most...I always feel like a failure at all time and always convince that Allah will never love me now because I don't know how to read in arabic among other things..sometimes I want to ask things I do not know to my Muslim friends but most of the time I will get something like this "you're big girl just get a book or go to class and learn" or "how can you not know this thing? you should be ashame of yourself" so I stopped asking...Yes I am ashame of myself I just don't need to be reminded of that ...I always have to muster a gut to ask people and when I get those kind of feedback it hurts me...finding this forum so far is probably the best thing for me - learning wise I mean...I just don't have the gut to login using my name and ask questions..I am also afraid of wanting to make friends because I'm afraid I will be rejected again...

Always something in life, which you do will raise some eyebrows here and there, but if it is something good (which seeking knowledge is) you must keep striving.

Learning your deen is something extremely important so at-least in that respect dont deprive yourself from it.

Often i feel as if people dont want to help me either, but i’ve just learnt how to be self-sufficient and i find this is the best way. If they dont want to help me, then i dont want their help either.

Dont be put off by peoples comments-its really hard to deal with, but it does pay off when you ignore it and just strive ahead.

Dont study online for reasons like that. its not about the fact that you have the option to, but the fact that you have to resort to this, is quite worrying. Have you ever tried just not caring what people think and say? Often we dont give ourselves credit and keep worrying about what people will say or what would happen if...but a lot of the time when we do put the effort in, people actually dont really care, and in some cases will praise you for it.
Realistically speaking, what are people going to stay to you when they see that you dont care what they have to say?

About asking questions, i wanted to show you this hadith about someone dying as a result of ignorance.

[...]We set out on a journey and one of us was wounded by a stone on his head. [when he slept], he had a wetdream and so asked his companions, “DO you see any consession for me to perform Tayamum” They replied ‘We do not see any consession since you are able to use water.’ Upon that he took a bath and died. When we came back to Allahs Messenger, he was informed of that. He said: ‘They killed him! May Allah kill them! Why didn’t they ask if they didn’t know? Indeed the only cure for ignorance is to ask [...]

What Every Muslim Must Know about Purification

ignorance isn't bliss and asking questions is the only way to get of ignorance. thats the only way we learn, either through mistakes or by asking questions.

and slightly going on a tangent here, look at he blessing of your hardships becuase every great person to have lived, behind them is a life story full of hardships. great people are a result of hardships.