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Attributes of the ideal Muslim husband.​



Praise be to Allaah.


1. Religious commitment. This is the most important thing to look for in the man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims.


Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):


“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

“Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26]


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).
​



2. As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he should come from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment – because the righteousness of the husband’s close relatives could be passed on to his children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):


“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord” [al-Kahf 18:82].
​


See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour to his parents.



3. It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…” (Narrated by Muslim, 1480).

It is not essential that he should be a businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy man.



4. It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards women, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot.



5. It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.



6. It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah; if you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that this is something rare.



7. It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason.



8. According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should check on the man who proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.



9. Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good. For more details on Salaat al-Istikhaarah, please see Question # 2217. Then after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers, may He be glorified.


Adapted from Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisaa’ by Shaykh Mustafaa al-‘Adawi.



We ask Allaah, the Exalted, the Powerful, to make things easy for you, to help you make a wise choice, and to bless you with a righteous husband and good offspring, for He is Able to do all that. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Ameen.


Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid​
 
:salamext:

Jazak'Allah Khair, Brother Fi_Sabillilah. Very informative and very useful for all the Brothers and Sisters.

:salamext:
Qurratul Ayn
 
:sl:

^tell me about it!

and notice how there isnt anyone trashing this thread and going on about "men dont have rights in islam!!" :rollseyes
 
lol more like men don't care if they get picked on... they just laugh it off i dont c ne man complaining that the mother has 2b respected 3times as much
 
lolwatever said:
lol more like men don't care if they get picked on... they just laugh it off i dont c ne man complaining that the mother has 2b respected 3times as much
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salam,

that is because men do not have any reason to feel 'being picked on', or to complain.

it is women who are told that their husbands can secretly marry multiple other women behind their backs, and it is women who get constantly beaten up by their husbands - being told that they (husbands) have the God-given right to do so.

do you think these are joking matters which the women can ' just laugh it off ' ?
 
 
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ameen said:
that is because men do not have any reason to feel 'being picked on', or to complain.

it is women who are told that their husbands can secretly marry multiple other women behind their backs, and it is women who get constantly beaten up by their husbands - being told that they (husbands) have the God-given right to do so.

do you think these are joking matters which the women can ' just laugh it off ' ?
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ok i think now its pretty obvious you're either pretending to be a Muslim or an ignorant with prejudices making claims and hiding from them whenever you get the chance.


that is because men do not have any reason to feel 'being picked on', or to complain.
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I think there's ALOT of stuff which is imposed on men that aren't on women, and the rules in those cases are infinitely harsher on men if they try to dodge it compared to women. read surat at-tawbah for example.

in fact, if you compare the number of incidents men where literally repremanded (severely) by the prophet compared to the women it's pretty obvious who tends to be put under the pressure the majority of times.

You'll NEVER find a case for example where female companions where ordered to be ostracised and not spoken to for months, and you'll never find the prophet telling a woman off the way he did Abu Tharr for example (in two cases, the one about bilal, and the other case to do with praying long)... even tho female companions done similar things, e.g. when that lady was praying for extra long, the prophet didnt tell her off the way he did abu tharr infact he told aisha to tell her in nice words that she shoudlnt do that.

And when safiyyah got picked on for being the son of a jew, the prophet didnt repremand the other female companion (it might hav been one of the wives) the way eh did abu tharr for being racist, it was NO where near that. And, he didnt beat up the woman who called safiyyah 'u daugther fo a jew'.

In fact, what you do notice, is that the majority if not all the cases where advises where directed to women (e.g. the oen about kufr al-asheer) where never made as comemnts directed at any female, they where general advises.

Whereas in the case fo men, you'll find that MANY of the advises where taught via hard lessons for the men who committed the mistakes. Infact even the verses that where sent down regarding the prophets wives incident, they where NO WHERE NEAR as harsh as the verses revealed regarding the 3 companiosn who 'khulifoo' and even about the prophet himself after badr, and regarding the incident when prophet told zayd to not divorce his wife and many others... infact, the number oftimes men where repremanded in quran (both kafirs and Muslims) is INNUMERABLE comapred to the number of times women where repremanded.

But ofcourse, that explains why you conveniently choose to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to hadiths, because it disproves too much of what you claim.

it is women who are told that their husbands can secretly marry multiple other women behind their backs, and it is women who get constantly beaten up by their husbands - being told that they (husbands) have the God-given right to do so.
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That's very sly of you.

The fact is, Allah knows better than me or you the wisdom behidn his rulings, but let me explain one of the (possibly many) reasons for the first ruling.

I think you know very well that houses go broke because of the crazy amount of cheating that happens by the husband on his wife. Allah knows more than both of us about the weakness of men when it comes to this issue in particular.

Instead of being unpractical and saying "no only one wife", Allah legislated that a man can marry upto four to curb any haram actions or temptations that may result. This means that there's no excuse for men to go out and get involved in haram relationships or filthy underground activities.

Let's assume that wasn't the case, i think you know full well that many men might still go out and do haram if they're married to one, i mean lets face it, isn't that what happens in the west? and even in Muslim countries today?? What's the implication of that?

a. You'll have b#strds being born due to no crime of their own, deprived of any proper upbringing and left to be streetkids (that's what happens most of the time)
b. AIDS, there's nothign to stipulate that the adulterers cant go have relationships with other people, which is the major cause behidn it.
c. Disgrace adn family fueds if family members find out.

So Allah, from hsi wsdom, legislated that a man can take upto four wives if one doesn't keep him satisfied. Atleast that way the other relationships will be halal and sanctified by a contract meaning that the chidlren taht result will be protected under the shareeah and get their full rights from the parents rather than being born and ending up flushed in a toilet or disowned or something horrible like that!

Yes the first wife might not be totally impressed, but you know why? That's simply because of the way this society looks down on such thing, it seemst hat extramarrital affaris are cool but polygamy is not. When really it's in the wife's interest that her hubby don't get involved in haram and atleast true loyalty is kept within the family.

This is offtopic but i'll leave it there, but i hope that answers you're puny logic.

and it is women who get constantly beaten up by their husbands - being told that they (husbands) have the God-given right to do so.
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Where does Allah give the men right to beat up their wives constantly, and ofcourse... you conveniently will discard the hadith that mentions that it's to be done with a miswak! and the hadith that literally explains 'tharban ghayra mubarrih' (a hit that doesn't cause any scar/injury etc).

And even in the quran, you know full well that's the LAST resort and not the first. And it's only when the wife is doing 'nushooz' (and even then, ti's the last resort).

Give me example of the prophet beating any of his wives constantly or even occasionally?!?

Yeh it is part of many cultures for that to occur (even in western countries assaults are on the rise), and there are many "cultural" Muslims out tehre, but really, since when did culture have any say about Islamic rulings??

do you think these are joking matters which the women can ' just laugh it off ' ?
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After my first reply, i think you get the point that we don't hear of men saying "why do we get harsher treatment from the prophet than women", "why do we have to fight and they don't, arent we equal", "why are we held accountable for more issues than them, shouldnt they get same load as us", "how come we still hav to pray even if we're severely injured in fighting, and they dont have to pray when they get their period", "why do mothers have to be respected 3 times more than me who go earns the money for the house and has to do all these extra Islamic duties as well as helpign my wife out".

You're making it sound like women are looked at with hate or something in Islam which is pretty pathetic of you, oh yeh but i forgot you're a kafir when it coems to hadith, so hadiths like "remind yoruselves to be good to women" and "don't be the sort who hit their wives during the day and then sleep with them during the night" and the hadith about the prophest face becoming grim and angry when he saw a woman slain only till he heard that she kept swearing at the prophet (which is worthy of captial punishment for both genders), as well as the prophet's tolerating of the female companions talking 2him in high voices even though that wasn't tolerated with the men (becasue of the verses revealed in surat al-Hujurat), and the hadith about the prophet seeking advise from Umm Salamah in state affairs, and why would the Quran and hadith speak with such praise and admiration regarding peple like maryam, asiyah the woman who was thrown in the trench, the hairdresser of pharoah, khwalah! (a verse came in her defense specifically regardign a husband/wife dispute) and subhanallah sooooooooooo many other characters throughout history (Musa's mother and many many many manyyyy other people, oh yeh adn the roman slave girl in makkah who stoodout)..... that's all lookign down on women innit :?

Didn't it occur to you that an army was dispatcehd to one of the jewish cities specifically becasue a woman's skirt got lifted and laughed at? Why would anyone care if they where suppose to be beaten up constantly and trashed and "cheated on" (subhanallah pologyamy is seen as cheating and haram relationshps doesnt cop even a fraction of the criticism we give to polyamy). Similarly in the time of Mu'3tasim who threateend to sent an army simply over a woman captive to a king of the romans... and the respect we have for julanar, Qutuz's wife whom he loved and respected very much... and yet, just because women have to wear Hijab and adhere to non opressive rules, we behave like emotional maniacs over other people's actions.



And to be quite frank, just because the hadiths about males responsibilities towards the wife and household arent being circulated as much, doesn't change the fact that the rules still apply!

Now ameen, see how i replied to you? line by line? that's what i want you to do in the PM.

salam
 
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to get bak on topic.. neat article bro fi.. there's similar stuff in bro section incase sis's think das the only one that exists
 
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:sl:

mashaallah lolwatever good stuff, especially this part:

After my first reply, i think you get the point that we don't hear of men saying "why do we get harsher treatment from the prophet than women", "why do we have to fight and they don't, arent we equal", "why are we held accountable for more issues than them, shouldnt they get same load as us", "how come we still hav to pray even if we're severely injured in fighting, and they dont have to pray when they get their period", "why do mothers have to be respected 3 times more than me who go earns the money for the house and has to do all these extra Islamic duties as well as helpign my wife out".
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This topic is more for women anyway, as they are the ones looking for husbands.
Now they know what to look for, Im hoping that SOME1 proposes to me soon lol ;D
 
Abdulwaheed said:
This topic is more for women anyway, as they are the ones looking for husbands.
Now they know what to look for, Im hoping that SOME1 proposes to me soon lol ;D
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lol all the best akh... may allah make us from those sorts of husbands