backbiting

i back bite some time and some victim for forgiviness, but not all cause some moved away. help!
 
Allah is most Forgiving. You know your sins, stop yourself from doing it. Pray for His forgiveness.

The hardest part is to admit we are wrong. The denial is a challenge, to rectify just requires determination.

:peace:
 
:wa:

Last year I came to school reunion and met my friend who I haven't met for long time. After the event was over, me and my friend walked to the car park and we saw one of our friend drove new Mercedes sport. My friend said "He must be rich now", I replied "Yes, he is success in his career". Then together we said "Alhamdulillah". Yes, we were happy because our friend gain success in his life.

Sister, can you feel happy if your friend has something better than you?. If you can, then you can avoid backbiting habit.

I've ever done mini study about backbiting habit, and the conclusion is, backbiting habit caused by envy that backed of feeling 'not able'.

Can I get success like my friend and have sport car?. I can, if I can work as good as him. But I realize, since I didn't do my effort as good as him, then I am not rich like him. That's why I am not envy to him.

Different than someone who feel that he will not able to change his life to better. So when he see someone has/get something better, he will feel hard to accept it. Then this feeling encourage him/her to 'create a condition' that can be accepted by him/her. In example, if someone can enter favorite university, he say "Ah, it's because his dad gave bribe", if another girl get a good job, she say "Ah, it's because she seduced the boss".

Creating false condition like this makes him/her feel more comfortable, and it makes him/her want to do it again and again, although in fact it will makes his/her uncomfortable feeling when see someone better is getting worse.

My mini study showed that backbiting does not exist among those who have independent personality which they believe that they have power to determine what will their life be. They sure their life will be better if they can do their effort properly, and they know their life will be worse if they do not do an effort to make their life better. They also know, they are responsible for their own life.

I found, those who love backbiting are those who not independent. There are some factors that create this such as culture or custom in their environment. The wrong family upbringing is also factor that create it.

Sister, try to see yourself in positive way. Believe that you have power to determine your own life and to make it better. And always grateful with what Allah has given to you. My car is old Toyota van, not Mercedes sport like my friend. But I am grateful because I have car. That's why I am not envy to my friend.

Try to be positive person who have good confident, and grateful with what you have. So, when you see someone has better success you can tell yourself "I can be success too if I am willing to do my best effort". And when you see someone who is more beautiful, you can tell yourself "It's okay if I am not beautiful like her. I can still build my personality to be a beautiful personality".

In Shaa Allah, you will not feel encouraged to entertain yourself with backbiting. :)
 
Assalaamu alaikum Amanda,

(gently) You seem to be concerned about backbiting. I found the following, that discusses backbiting. I hope it may help you. http://www.irfi.org/articles/articles_101_150/backbiting.htm

I have a question: Did the things you said reach the person you were talking about? If not, then praying for their forgiveness is an option, according to the article I gave the link to. If people were aware of what you said, and they have since moved, have you tried tracking them down to apologize? With the internet, this is much easier than it used to be! And if you can't contact them right now, perhaps a means may be opened up in the future? Perhaps you could keep the intention to seek their forgiveness in your heart?

Also, I went on Umrah recently. And while I'd planned to pray all sorts of duas for people (who'd asked me to), I found myself instead repeatedly asking Allah to Forgive me. Again and again, I prayed, feeling this need inside of me. But it was only when I sincerely prayed that Allah Forgive those who had harmed me, that I felt a sudden lightening, a feeling of a load being taken off. I felt that it was when I forgave others, that Allah could Forgive me.

This is not a scholar's opinion... but if you can't talk to someone you have harmed to ask forgiveness, perhaps asking Allah to Forgive them for their sins is a goodness you could do for them? On the Day of Judgment, others can take of our good deeds to be paid for harms we have done to them. Perhaps sincerely caring about the other person and asking for forgiveness for them can be a good deed that you can offer them in expiation for the harm you did to them?

And if you can one day find them and apologize, your prayers for them would be a lovely bonus for both you and them.

(smile) And praying for a person makes them more beautiful in our eyes, and helps us to stop backbiting them in the future. (smile) Hugs, my dear. The fact that you are feeling very bothered by this is a good sign. There is goodness in you. We all sin, but it takes good character to admit one's wrongdoings.

May Allah, the Pardoner, have Mercy on those who seek forgiveness.
 
when we say something bad about a person in his/ her absence and the bad quality is really present in him/her then it is backbiting. If the bad quality mentioned in one's absence is not present in him/her then it is false accusation and it is a sin bigger than backbiting. (This is according to a hadeeth shareef).


I will try to explain it by an example:


Suppose person A has the bad habit of lying. Person B doesn't like this habit. He (person B) tells his friend person C that person A is a liar. He said these words in the absence of person A. So he (person B) committed the sin of backbiting. It is kabira sin, and is the kind of sin which is not forgiven by saying "astaghfirullah". For its forgiveness the person B has to inform Person A about the backbiting and request him to forgive him. If he forgives him then Allah will forgive him.


We also generally ask each other, "please forgive me if I said something wrong even in your absence". If the person forgives then I hope that Allah the Most Merciful will forgive the sinner that did backbiting.

The other situation is that person A doesn't have the habit of lying. The person B says to his friend (person C) that person A is a liar. Now the person B committed a sin which is even bigger than the sin of backbiting. This is the sin of false accusation.


one can ask a question that when the bad quality is present in a person then why its mentioning in his absence is sinful?


I understand that it may be because Allah the Most Merciful wants us to tell directly to the Muslim brother that he has such a bad quality, and he should try to remove it. This preaching to him is the right way of our dealings with each other and it fulfills our duty of amar bil maroof and nahi anil munkar (enjoining good and forbidding evil). In case we don't advise him to leave the bad habit and go and tell others about him, then it is to insult him and attack his honor in his absence when he is not there to protect his honor. So it becomes equal to the eating of the meat of a dead brother.

Here we must also remember that in case a Muslim does something wrong in front of people giving wrong impression of Islam then it is our duty to inform the people about his wrong action so that they are not mislead by his wrong action. This is not backbiting. Also if we find that a person is not trustable and has dangerous character, then informing others about this for the purpose of safety is also necessary. This is not sinful. According to a hadeeth shareef, every action depends upon intention.
 

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