Bad dreams after istikhara...are they from shaytaan or sign from Allah??

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adz89

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Basically I have a question regarding istikhara and marriage.



Long story cut short; basically I went on single Muslim with clean intentions in search of a right partner. I’m 22 starting a job in august inshallah and she is 21 nearly finished in university .Alhamdulillah I’m almost certain I have come across the right person, we have similar beliefs on religion, marriage and our families are on the same level and most importantly our aqeedah is the same too. Now we agreed to keep the contact to e-mail and msn only and when the time is right we want to tell the parents about ourselves. We thought ok the next step is to do istikhara. I have been doing istikhara for many years and Alhamdulillah know how it works for me (it works differently for different people). I have been doing it for many months to see if the sister is right for me for marriage and Alhamdulillah I have been getting positive feelings and my heart and mind is set on her. As we got chatting it became more apparent just how much we actually get on.


The sister wants this to work out just as much as I do so she did istikhara too. Now on the night she read istikhara she had a bad dream about me on the same night. We though ok maybe it was just a one off; she waited a while and again had a bad dream similar to the 1st one about me. Now this has really unsettled us both because we know that bad dreams are from shaytaan, what we are not sure about is that is this bad dream an actual sign from Allah that things will not work out or is it dream from shaytaan trying to prevent our marriage from going ahead? We both really want to tell the parents but are unsure of what to do. She doesn’t want to go against the dream if it is a sign from Allah but doesn’t want to make a mistake of not telling the parents either.


Surely if we tell the parents, they are more wise and knowledgeable and they obviously they too will read istikhara for the marriage. And if both sets of families are getting negative signs then it is clear that the marriage should not go ahead. We’re both really confused about the next step; shall we tell the parents so they can start doing istikhara too, or shall we stop the contact altogether and just end everything? Jazakallah for your time and help.
 
even i am not much knowledgeable, but i say dont just ignore it but seeking guidance from some known scholar will be beneficial insh.
 
Assalamualaykum
I'm not sure if you've heard of Sheikh Assim Al-Hakeem he is one of the scholars who answers questions from islamqa and told him this same full story. I went to his marriage course which was this weekend run by the An-naseeha foundation and it was really informative alhamdulillah. here is his response to my question:

Assalamu alaikum,

It is wrong to have any form of communication with this sister before marriage. It is a sin and not permissible. If you are serious, go ahead and propose to her father.

As for the istkhara, dreams have nothing to do with them

ok i know it was best to inform the parents ages ago we've been meaning to do this, but the negative dreams the sister has been having is really putting us off. how can we tell the parents if she is having negative signs? but thing is my heart is telling me its the right thing to do but she is still in 2minds...
in the e-mail was another different question and response from islamqa.com and it says dreams are not really that important in determining a decision. so what i dont understand is, how come everytime the sister performs istkhara, on the same night she has a bad dream??
is this a sign that we should stop the contact? or is it a sign we are doing wrong and we need to inform the parents asap??
please some one advise me we're both just really confused?!
 
Salaam


adz89 said:
Assalamualaykum

It is wrong to have any form of communication with this sister before marriage. It is a sin and not permissible.!
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listen to this advice and u 2 stay away from each other . If later , u still think she is the right person , then talk to ur parent and send proposal to her parent.

Keep praying to Allah to bless u with a pious wife.
 
thing is we need to make a decision before we can actually stop the contact . that's the hard bit! whether to tell the parents....or stop the contact and never speak again....:S
 
still confused.....Has any one else got any other advice on what we could do??? I contacted shaikh Assim Alhakeem again and he said the bad dreams the sister was having is due to our "wrong relationship", even though we don't see it as a "relationship". we haven't met or exchanged numbers only contact through e-mail. what happens if we tell the parents about each other and she is still having the same bad dreams?
 
Salaam

adz89 said:
still confused.....Has any one else got any other advice on what we could do???
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ask the Sheikh if it's allowed for others to offer Istekhara on behalf of u . If it's allowed , then request any family member/ friend / Imam to do it.
 
adz89 said:
still confused.....Has any one else got any other advice on what we could do??? I contacted shaikh Assim Alhakeem again and he said the bad dreams the sister was having is due to our "wrong relationship", even though we don't see it as a "relationship". we haven't met or exchanged numbers only contact through e-mail. what happens if we tell the parents about each other and she is still having the same bad dreams?
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Asalaamu Alaikum, the Sheikh is correct you are giving these dreams way too much significance. Your dreams are not wahy for it maybe that they are from shaythan because of the fact that you are in contact with her before marriage.

Now that this has happened the both of you are delaying things even more. If she has piety and god character and you can see yourself spending your life with her then tell your parents immediatley and contact her mahrams and arrange a meeting with her family without any delay and take things from there. The longer you delay it the more chance things will not go your way.

After that you can take things from there. Make sincere dua to Allah that he does what is best for you. If you end up marrying her then it was the best for you but if you do not then Allah has someone better in store.

And Allah knows best in all matters
 
adz89 said:
Basically I have a question regarding istikhara and marriage.



Long story cut short; basically I went on single Muslim with clean intentions in search of a right partner. I’m 22 starting a job in august inshallah and she is 21 nearly finished in university .Alhamdulillah I’m almost certain I have come across the right person, we have similar beliefs on religion, marriage and our families are on the same level and most importantly our aqeedah is the same too. Now we agreed to keep the contact to e-mail and msn only and when the time is right we want to tell the parents about ourselves. We thought ok the next step is to do istikhara. I have been doing istikhara for many years and Alhamdulillah know how it works for me (it works differently for different people). I have been doing it for many months to see if the sister is right for me for marriage and Alhamdulillah I have been getting positive feelings and my heart and mind is set on her. As we got chatting it became more apparent just how much we actually get on.


The sister wants this to work out just as much as I do so she did istikhara too. Now on the night she read istikhara she had a bad dream about me on the same night. We though ok maybe it was just a one off; she waited a while and again had a bad dream similar to the 1st one about me. Now this has really unsettled us both because we know that bad dreams are from shaytaan, what we are not sure about is that is this bad dream an actual sign from Allah that things will not work out or is it dream from shaytaan trying to prevent our marriage from going ahead? We both really want to tell the parents but are unsure of what to do. She doesn’t want to go against the dream if it is a sign from Allah but doesn’t want to make a mistake of not telling the parents either.


Surely if we tell the parents, they are more wise and knowledgeable and they obviously they too will read istikhara for the marriage. And if both sets of families are getting negative signs then it is clear that the marriage should not go ahead. We’re both really confused about the next step; shall we tell the parents so they can start doing istikhara too, or shall we stop the contact altogether and just end everything? Jazakallah for your time and help.
Click to expand...

Brother it's 2022 and exactly same happened in my case, whenever an istikhara is done by my side it comes wrong in spite of everything being right and progressed and that boy's istikhara always comes right. Can you please tell me about what happened afterwards in your case with that woman as it is 2022 now. Please, it's a humble request, brother. What did you concluded at that time and how is everything now?
 
Az5 said:
Brother it's 2022 and exactly same happened in my case, whenever an istikhara is done by my side it comes wrong in spite of everything being right and progressed and that boy's istikhara always comes right. Can you please tell me about what happened afterwards in your case with that woman as it is 2022 now. Please, it's a humble request, brother. What did you concluded at that time and how is everything now?
Click to expand...

Asalaamu Alaikum,

My sister many of us have the wrong impression regarding Isthikhara and therefore complicate things for ourselves. The point of Isthikhara is that we pray it with the purpose and firm intention of putting our trust in Allah as to whether or not it is best for us to proceed with the decision or not. After that we continue to proceed ahead, making sure we remain within the boundaries of Islam in terms of our contact with a potential suitor. After that if things go smoothly all the way to marriage, then that is the sign that it is for the best for you both. However if things become very difficult in terms of things proceeding to marriage then that is the sign that it is not for the best for the both of you. It's as simple as that. Dreams are not necessarily an indication of a positive Isthikhara, as many dreams are also from shaythan who tries to put doubts in our minds.

However if the two involved are in a haraam relationship then how do they expect there to be a smooth process to marriage? Also how do they expect to proceed with a clear head? There cannot be blessings in such a pursuit if both have fallen for one another and continue to have private contact. Therefore in such cases, both must cut off any private contact and do things in the right way remaining within the acceptable boundaries that Allah has ordained. If the religious commitment and character of the person pleases you then also consult with family and keep contact through your mahram and make Isthikhara and if things go smoothly then that is your sign that it is for the best and if they don't then that is your sign that they are not.

May Allah do what is best for you and all those in the process of considering potential suitors. Ameen
 

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