Blah

[anonymous]

*takes a deep breath*

i don't know where to even start with this.

Basically i've got some issues that i need to get off my shoulders. i don't even know if anyone can help me as i reckon these issues alot of people wont understand ...everyone seems normal.

some things have happened to me through out the past few moths where certain people have hurt me deeply . alhamdulillah it has stopped, but the traces remain as a result i have bad bad trusting issues. i cannot trust anyone. well most people anyway. i cannot trust most people who are kind. i feel they are manipulative.

sometimes i feel as if im too hard on myself. like i cant take compliments. id rather not be complimented but at the same time i feel this will impact on me negatively in the long run. i just generally cant strike a balance in life.

i feel due to my issues, that i push people away. it isnt easy or something that i like to do, but i just don't want to deal with them...im not sure why...i think it has something to do with my inability to socialize. this worries me, becuase i worry that they may have something important to tell me like advise or something but i'll keep pushing them away.

i feel that the smallest and simplest things are the biggest effort. like keeping friends or even getting married. being nice and considerate to people can also prove to be very troublesome. i dont mean to feel like this, but this is how i feel.

i feel tense. i didn't really realize it until the other day. even when i talk my speech isnt 100% relaxed. im never really at rest or tranquil .

i feel certain trials have transformed me into this nasty person. i dont want to hate people or do them injustice, but for some reason, i feel vicious :-[. how do i get rid of that.

i cant take advice cos i dont know if people mean it. and when they do advise me, it feels like im getting attacked. see why i dont feel relaxed. i just generally cant take things how they are.

other times the agonizing thoughts are overbearing. i cannot mention what they are though but suffice to say they break me. i don't have any control over them. they just pop into my mind and don't go away until they have convinced that what they are saying is true.

i constantly feel as if no-one cares well not the people that are meant to care about me anyway. i don't think my mum really cares. i keep thinking she's probably given up on me i must be pretty hopeless. i know you're gna say that all mothers care, but my mum always says nice things to other people last week she implied that her daughters are dumb i don't get it
i remember one time she complimented me...i was so flattered :-[ :statisfie she doesn't really do that often.

i also feel abandoned i cant tell you why though. my own family have hurt me. im so filled with so much disgust for my brother. he went overseas last week i dont even miss him. he just thinks everything is great, but he is heedless i hate how he thinks he knows everything.

 

[tango92]

salaam sister

firstly you should try to find people you can socialise with even if its your sisters. and make sincere dua to find islamic freinds as these tend to be the longest lasting.
also dont worry about what you are saying when you speak, at the end of the day Allah created you to think the way you do. if you think people will judge you or be bored of you then really to hell with em.

hmm personally i dont trust anybody fully either. some bad eperiences in my past have instilled that in me. if you can learn to put your trust in Allah, then by Allah he will suffice you.

also never think you need to act in a certain way to be "accpeted". this means you dont need to be funny or super intelligent, just try to act in the mannerisms of rasulullah saws. he is perfection at the end of the day.

furthermore you need to change your outlook on life. we are here literally as a traveller takes shade under a tree so make sure you are directing your efforts in the path of Allah swt. you should try to increase your imaan aswell because this is the only way you will find inner peace. i recommend you watch the following videos on youtube

1. divine speech by nouman ali khan (inshallah this will help you understanding the depth of the quran a little)
2. jannah by Anwar al Awlaki

dont be put of by the length, watch mayb 5 mins and trust me theyll hook u!

never think noone cares for you. as a muslim we are already closer than immediate family and i care for you more than myself inshallah

 

[Cabdullahi]

I hope things improve insha'Allah

 

[tango92]

I hope things improve insha'Allah

ameen ya rabb

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Aslaamu`Alaaykum

I agree with what brother Tango said regarding trust in Allaah, at the end of the day you must keep in mind that you will return to Allaah the most high!

You shouldnt feel abandoned as Allaah is still there, he watched over you all your life, from a baby to your present day

Allaah says in the Quraan :

"Then do ye remember Me I will remember you.",

take time to supplicate to Allaah and share your feelings with hiim as did the Messenger of Allaah Sallahu Alaayhi wa salam and also ask him to help you and keep your trust in him.

Regarding your Mother, maybe you should show her you love her for example helping her out in the house, give her a gift, tell her you love her etc.

However, i hope you recieve better advice Insha`Allaah

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

 

[Cabdullahi]

................................

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Even if you find out who it is, its not like they`re going to reveal them self anyway :-\

So stop being all nerdy and geekified :-\


*outta*

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Maybe you're just an introverted person. I don't like being around people nor do I trust most of them, but that's due to a lot of them not being trustworthy, so in efforts of socializing, I keep in mind those who have bad characterisics and I try to subtly advise and help them become better friends. I also never get angry if someone gets angry with me or at me because for some people, anger is the only way they'll be able to say what's really on their mind. If they change, that's great, if not, then I'm still there for them and respect them I just don't get close enough to them to have them influence me negatively.

You not accepting compliments is normal I think, because we know ourselves better than the way others know us and sometimes we feel we don't deserve a compliment for doing something or being a way that we're supposed to do or be. When I was a little younger, I had a friend who always reminded me how dangerous pride was, but also told me I should be prideful for being Muslim, and it took me a while to understand what this meant, but now I understand the dangers of belittling yourself and harming your confidence because I see people feel shameful of themselves or their beliefs just because they are different, and there's nothing wrong with being a little different. Naturally we should always want to better ourselves whether we are complimented or not, but you could also remind yourself that getting praised is merely someone telling you you're on the right track or doing something good, but that there is still room for improvement.

You sound somewhat paranoid and anxious. You're having problems analyzing someone's true intentions and at the same time I feel that you have low self-esteem so maybe you feel attacked because you already have a bad perception of yourself, so when they point out your faults is like them kicking you when you're already down.

I don't know if you have a psychological problem like depression, paranoia, or anxiety...but if you can help yourself or if this was caused due to the actions of others then I would advice you to stop worrying so much. It's normal for someone to break your trust or hurt you, even if they've claimed to be your friend...I don't know to what extents they have went out of their way to do this, but if it was by accident, then forgive and forget, and if not then forgive and forget anyway because otherwise you're always going to feel like you can't trust people, especially if you don't allow yourself to be in the company of better people.

As for your family..some mother's put down their kids a lot and it's due to them having many hardships in their life and not recieving much affection, therefore not really knowing how to or feeling like they should give affection. Just be strong, you can't choose your family but you can always influence them, so just try to do that. If she doesnt show you affection, show her affection instead... my little sister gives my mom a hug even while she's yelling at her, it's interesting how subhanallah a mother's heart can warm back up in like 2 seconds lol.

Inshallah everything works out, May allah make things easy upon you ameen.
fi aman Allah
w'salaam

 

[Asiyah3]

i feel that the smallest and simplest things are the biggest effort. like keeping friends or even getting married. being nice and considerate to people can also prove to be very troublesome. i dont mean to feel like this, but this is how i feel.

dear sister,

Insha'Allah things will get better over time. Once you start to hang out more often with people, your personality will improve automatically insha'Allah. If you're under 20, I along with my types also had our social troubles with people when we were younger. Personally, Islam and faith helped me alot to improve my personality and I'm still learning.

i also feel abandoned i cant tell you why though. my own family have hurt me. im so filled with so much disgust for my brother. he went overseas last week i dont even miss him. he just thinks everything is great, but he is heedless i hate how he thinks he knows everything.

We cannot change other people. Let's concentrate on that which we can change, ourselves and our own shortcomings.

Do your part, be patient, -

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Anfaal 6:46]

Al-Bukhaari (1496) and Muslim (1053) narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “…whoever is patient Allaah will bestow patience upon him, and no one is ever given anything better and more generous than patience.”

- and ignore negative comments. Remember, speak a good word or remain silent.