Brother Troubles... what to do

[AnonymousPoster]

Salaam everyone. I have a really important question and it would be helpful if I could get help from someone who is very knowledgeable with the deen in this matter. What do you do if you have a out of control brother? Heis not muslim(just muslim by name). Does everything haram, treats my father very badly and is not going to school at all. He dropped out of college,( he just stopped going to all of his classes). He curses, is disrespectfull all the time and is starting to be a real burden on the family. I know that Allah (swt) says that we should not sever the ties of kinship, but aren't their special cases like this one in which we can kick him out of the house. The problem IS that serious. I hate him and my father is only tolerating him because it would bring great shame upon him by his relatives if he told him that he kicked out of the house because of his behavior and failure in his studies. Jazakallah for the help. Wasalam.

 

[noorseeker]

salam.I have a brother who has a drug problem, who is a burden on my mother, my younger brother only cares about going out and gettin trashed.
So i have witnessed a lot of problems ,. My mum and older bro always make threats to chuck my bro with drug problem out, but when it comes to the crunch we wont do it.

Dear bro or sis , just stick it out , We,ve had problems for many years , but i guess you have to stick it out. Do people from the community know , Of course they do, after a while it does,nt matter what people think, every one got their own family problems. If you know their friends ,then try and get them to talk to your brother.

One more thing if i never experienced these things , how will i have become a strong person. Its just makes it easier for me in the future,so i will not be afraid. Im sure your father is really hurt inside, im guessing as most men do ,he is crying in the inside.

I bet if something happened to your father ,inshallah he will have a long and healthy life, your brother would change and feel regret. I dont know when my family problems will getter, you just gota be patient,.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i wanna ask something, is your family leading by example? and by the best example, the example of nabi e kareem sallallahi alaihi wasallaam?

our prophets sunnah will outshine any of his evil, trust me... let me know the answer, perhaps a serious change in the family will lead to a change in ur brother?

 

[Woodrow]

This is a very question area as nobody here has all of the fact.

But to speak in generalities when a person is continuously living in an acceptable manner, it is an indication the person is being enabled to do so, by having assurance that his actions are not going to result in any harm to himself. In other words there is something going on within the family that is enabling the Brother to act in this manner with no fear of repercussions.

To change one person in a family often means there needs to be changes for the entire family. the brother needs to stop his actions and whatever the family is doing that enables these actions to continue needs to be stopped also.

I suggest professional help for the entire family. this can be Spiritual through the Mosque, social through family counseling or a combination.

 

[cute123]

I can understand what it feels , but believe me after I lost my mother , i have understood the importance of a relationships. and that too blood ones are the most dear I would say , in any condition do not severe it , pray to ALMIGHTY , I know that worst thing could be the pain your parents might be feeling, console them, be their support and try to talk to your bro, like exactly whats the reason, is he deprived of attention does he likes to be with his freinds, just for attention, or does he require a nice bashing. Most of the times Nobody likes to be bad, but they require a constant support and a helping hand , to help them come over their nafs occupied by shaytan.this job requires lots of patience understanding, thoughtful actions, but the result is worth it. I had a cousin who was involved in drugs, he lost his father , I saw my cousin (elder brother) help him just by words, he just spoke to him, provided him the trust and just for his sake, he his fighting against himself its been 2 years he has not touched it. May ALLAH SWT help you

 

[Shorty x]

Salaamz,

how are you all, i feel for you brother, similar situation happend in our family. Thank Allah, that the problems sorted.

My younger brother, was a nightmare, from the age of 14 to 17. He wouldnt get up in the morning for school. he wouldnt do his homework,he failed most of is g.c.s.e's, and college the same thing, he kept getting in to trouble with school. answering back to teachers, he kept fighting with family members.spending too much time on the internet, it was awful. He wouldnt even attend his jumma prayers,

Dad suspected that he was on drugs,(but he wasnt) or maybe he was in the wrong crowd.(he was) no matter what he tried nothing worked, talks, lectures.
Then one day my dad had enough, and he took the physical route. he never beat him, subhanallah no parent should beat there child.

my bros quite tall compared to my dad, and he was very threatening, all i could hear was shouting from dad, my bro tried to walk away, and my dad just pushed him, and closed the door, all we could hear was them two pushing each other, and shouting, after a while, my brother just cried out loud. and after that my bro n dad were talking calmly, and mashallah after a few months he was getting his act together. we knew the reason to why he was as he was, and yeh the reason was to do with him accepting mums illness. because hes the youngest he always questioned why we never grew up with a 'normal' mum.

He got himself a job, which he loves, he passed all his exams at college, hes attending jumma prayers with out fail, stays away from girls. he lost majority of his friends, but mashallah gained true friends, who are in to there deen, and pray regularly.
he passed his driving, hes very hard working, has his future planned, and what he wants in life, aims n goals. it brings tears to my eyes just knowing that he is well again, and hes making my mum n dad proud. mashallah, gone so handsome now , lol.

Its true , majority of the tearaway's are boys. and its up to the parents, especially a male figure who can set them straight.
i pray for you and family, and inshallah all will be well, with the help of Allah (swt).

Salaamz

Shorty xx