cant believe its happening

[Sahabiyaat]

there is this story about a man and a woman during the prophets time.The man was a freed slave and was very very good to the woman, but she wanted a divorce from him, and you what the reason was? She went to the prophet and when he asked her why she wanted to divorrce him she simply said." i dont like him!" he is very good to me, he loves me very much, he treats me well, but im simply not attracted to him" and she was allowed to divorce him! Can you believe that!

this man actually used to run after her calling her name and crying so much that his beard was wet with tears, but she still wanted a divorce because she wasnt 'attracted' to him.

this is a bit like your situation......so why do u keep thinking you are wrong to feel like this?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

there is this story about a man and a woman during the prophets time.The man was a freed slave and was very very good to the woman, but she wanted a divorce from him, and you what the reason was? She went to the prophet and when he asked her why she wanted to divorrce him she simply said." i dont like him!" he is very good to me, he loves me very much, he treats me well, but im simply not attracted to him" and she was allowed to divorce him! Can you believe that!

this man actually used to run after her calling her name and crying so much that his beard was wet with tears, but she still wanted a divorce because she wasnt 'attracted' to him.

this is a bit like your situation......so why do u keep thinking you are wrong to feel like this?

Thank you very much sister for your quote

I guess im just scared of What Allah will think of me I don’t want him to think im being un appreciative and not compiling to my duties I mean all the things I read upon marriage its such as big thing in our religion. It scares me that Allah may think I gave you some one and u couldn’t see good in it and now why should I give you someone else. Im just scared I mite end up with some one worse with all those things you hear this days. It just scares me to take wrong step even for a seond im too scared of the consequences of my actions. Its like some people say you can do all good actions like pray and everything but if your not being kind to ur dear ones than it doesn’t benefit you. I don’t know I maybe reading too much into things but after that experience life really has scared me now I truly believe anything can happen and we have very little control over it. So im always careful for my actions and sometime over analyse the things I do.

Im scared how its gonna affect him I mean he probably has all this hopes about us but I just don’t see any and mum always says its wrong to break some ones hopes and wishes u get sins for it. Also I don’t know how he is gonna support him self or his family. And everyone has all this expectations from me and I don’t know how to disappoint them I hate seeing my parents in tears and I just think is there really gonna be any good that can come out of me hurting all this people.

I mean im not the most attractive or confidence person even before I got married I used to get told by family whos gonna get married to you ur like this ur like that and now if things don’t work out with this person Im just gonna have more reason for me not to find any one suitable. And I know this will make more members of my family think of in certain ways and they will just look down at me.

 

[Sahabiyaat]

I mean im not the most attractive or confidence person even before I got married I used to get told by family whos gonna get married to you ur like this ur like that

oh honey please tell me you dont really believe that... you know they told you that because they wanted to crush your self esteem and get you to submit...and you did.

well, it clearly seems you will not be ending your marriage, and i dont blame you because its not easy at all, and with so many people involved that will be effected by your desicion.

ok so your sticking with him i take it, so you need to start treating him like your husband, ...almost like starting all over again.No thinking about the past and what could have been etc..

If you cant love him just yet, atleast begin to respect him and show some affection, which will InshaAllah grow into love . there are countless threads on this forum about making your husband/wife happpy, have a read thru them and try putting some things into practice.

I hope my advice, as vauge as it is, has been of some help.

 

[Zahida]

Good mature advice for a very delicate situation. May Allah ease your troubles little one and show his Mercy on you.... But never ever let anyone say that you are worthless. Allah is the judge of that, you are a gift to your parents, and they should be helping you build your confidence and self esteem. I really don't know how to judge this.

Pray to Allah little one and watch your confidence and strength grow........ Ameen:thumbs_up

oh honey please tell me you dont really believe that... you know they told you that because they wanted to crush your self esteem and get you to submit...and you did.

well, it clearly seems you will not be ending your marriage, and i dont blame you because its not easy at all, and with so many people involved that will be effected by your desicion.

ok so your sticking with him i take it, so you need to start treating him like your husband, ...almost like starting all over again.No thinking about the past and what could have been etc..

If you cant love him just yet, atleast begin to respect him and show some affection, which will InshaAllah grow into love . there are countless threads on this forum about making your husband/wife happpy, have a read thru them and try putting some things into practice.

I hope my advice, as vauge as it is, has been of some help.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you for all reply I just guess the thing confuses more is that fact the i herd a hidith says "The most hated thing before Allaah is divorce” so does that mean if a person gets divorce does allah still accept their preyers or would he be angry and turn his back and never give any happiness to the person.