Salam
https://theheartopener.wordpress.com/books/sins/47-a-wife’s-rebellion-against-her-husband/
This is a list of many narrations that show how important it is for a wife to obey her husband. I have a few questions
1)So is your wife similar to a servant in the house whom you feed and treat with respect
2)Do I have to obey my wife If she asks me to do things in the house?
3) If I am kind and sweet to her, must she obey me in every matter regarding the house? Can I order her to do things for me regarding house matters and serve me?
4) Is it true that she must lower her gaze before me and keep her tongue silent when I speak? Will she be sinful if she doesn’t listen to me in this matter?
so if I make her do these things and I am kind to her, if she doesn’t do it, will she be sinful? And will I be sinful for not helping around the house if she asks (since im tired when i come home) and ordering her around or may I order her around with kindness?
Allah instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:
…And live with them in kindness… (Quran 4:19)
Abu Hurairah narrated that The Messenger of Allah said:
The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْعَلاَءِ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَةُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا " . قَالَ وَفِي الْبَابِ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ وَابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ . قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى حَدِيثُ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ .
Grade: Hasan (Darussalam)
Reference : Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1162
In-book reference : Book 12, Hadith 17
English translation : Vol. 1, Book 7, Hadith 1162
https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi/12/17
The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith.
How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife?
He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her. Being nice includes good communication. A husband should be willing to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife. Many times a husband wants to air his frustrations (like work). He should not forget to ask her about what annoys her (like when children would not do their homework). A husband should not talk about important things with her when he or his wife is angry, tired, or hungry.
Communication, compromise, and consideration are the cornerstone of marriage.
Being nice includes encouraging one’s wife. The most meaningful admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters — what the wife really values. So a husband should ask himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she values. That is the wife’s sweet spot of praise.
The more the husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be. Kind words are like, "I like the way you think," "You look beautiful in those clothes," and "I love hearing your voice on the phone."
Human beings are imperfect. Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:
A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
وَحَدَّثَنِي إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ مُوسَى الرَّازِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا عِيسَى، - يَعْنِي ابْنَ يُونُسَ - حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْحَمِيدِ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، عَنْ عِمْرَانَ بْنِ أَبِي أَنَسٍ، عَنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " لاَ يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ " . أَوْ قَالَ " غَيْرَهُ " .
Reference:
Sahih Muslim 1468 b
In-book reference: Book 17, Hadith 81
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Book 8, Hadith 3469
https://sunnah.com/muslim/17/81
A man should not hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will find something he likes about her if he gives it a chance. One way to be aware of what he likes in his wife is for the husband to make a list of a half dozen things he appreciates about her. Marriage experts recommend that one be as specific as possible and focus on character traits — just as the Prophet of Islam recommended, not just what she does for the husband. For example, a husband may appreciate the way she arranges his clean laundry, but the underlying character trait may be that she is thoughtful. The husband should consider admirable traits such as being compassionate, generous, kind, devout, creative, elegant, honest, affectionate, energetic, gentle, optimistic, committed, faithful, confident, cheerful, and so on. A husband should give himself some time to construct this list, and review it in times of conflict when he is most likely to feel averse towards his wife. It will help him be more aware of his wife’s good attributes and far more likely to compliment them.
In short read how Prophet (peace be upon him) treated his wives and follow his footsteps, that's the real Sunnah you want to follow. Your wife is a blessing from Allah, treat her well and take care of her. Be her best friend, not her boss.
