Convert Problems - Facing Family

[Kmbattaglia05]

Asalam Alaykum,

I converted to Islam about 8 years ago ( I was brought up in a Methodist Christian religion). For the first few years I converted, I tried to hide it from my family (mainly my Father). However, when I got engaged (to a Muslim man) almost three years ago, I had to finally confess to my family that I converted.
My Father was not too happy about it, although he still talked to me and we kept a good relationship. Many difficulties were faced when my husband and I were planning our wedding........ My family was upset obviously about me not getting married in a Church and not having any type of traditional American Ceremony. Then the fact that there was NO alcohol at the wedding was a big shock to my family which they were upset about. My Father kept telling me I was bring brain washed by my fiance and in laws. (In fact, our wedding was actually very liberal for an Islamic wedding. It was mixed and we had Muslim and dancing - Arabic and English music. Everyone ended up having a good time in my family)
My Dad kept making comments and I was the gossiped about family member and my Dad just thought I was a puppet to my in laws. Needless to say, my whole engaged life was a lot of stress from the family.

After the wedding, I thought things finally calmed down. I figured now I can finally be in peace, and this drama would stop.............. It did for awhile until I recently found out I was pregnant!
At first my family was happy and excited, until the topic of baby names came up. My husband and I decided to name our son Mohammed. When my Father heard the name he was not a happy camper at all. My Father in law's name is Mohammed and it is a tradition in my husband's family that the son names their first son after the Father.
Again, my Dad thinks that I am a puppet and am having no say in anything and am forced into naming my son this. I explained this is the name I want for my son, but he is still starting his stress and upsetting ways again..........

I am not sure when this will end and my family will FINALLY except everything.
The thing is, my husband and his family are very American and liberal, but my Father has this idea that all Muslims are extreme and barbaric. I do not even year Hijab (yet), and I still live a very Americanized lifestyle - yet at the same time practice and follow all of the Islamic obligations.

Has anyone else had a situation like this????

 

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Firstly, welcome to our forums.:welcome: Inshallah you receive better advise than I shall provide.

Secondly, you probably know that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. (Well, according to media anyways). It's most likely due to the number of people converting to Islam knowing it is the true religion which people should follow. So of course, you are not alone and many Muslim converts have faced the same, almost the same, or more difficult challenge than you have.

Then the fact that there was NO alcohol at the wedding was a big shock to my family which they were upset about.

^ You are So Smart! If you allowed the selling of alcohol or the consumption of it, you would be in such a horrible position right now. What would have happened in my opinion; your parents would have consumed the alcoholic beverages and done or said something stupid (which usually happens when anger and alcohol are mixed). Then blame the alcohol afterwards. By not allowing this, you saved not only yourself but criticism to your husband. So Alhumdulillah, Allah protected you from this.

By getting married, you are now connected to your husband. It is your choice what happens between you and your husband now.

At first my family was happy and excited, until the topic of baby names came up. My husband and I decided to name our son Mohammed. When my Father heard the name he was not a happy camper at all. My Father in law's name is Mohammed and it is a tradition in my husband's family that the son names their first son after the Father.

What is your opinion on the name? Do you know you're having a son? If possible, give your father a list of Muslim names which he can choose whom he likes. It will make both sides happy Inshallah.

 

[Hulk]

Wa alaykumsalam wrwb

Continue to be patient with your family, and continue striving to be a good muslimah(part of which is being patient with your family). InshaaAllah he will see good in Islam through your strive.

 

[imamuslim]

Waalaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Have a lot of patience because Allah is with the patient one. Make wudhu' and perform salah.

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient."
[al-Baqarah 2:153]

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”
[al-Anfaal 6:46]

“But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”
[al-Nahl 16:126]

“But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allaah surrounds all that they do”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:120]




Make a lot of dua (supplication) to Allah taala.

"And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided". [al-Baqarah 2:186]

If you want your supplication to be answered be obedience to Allah. Follow His command and try your best to leave all the things that he forbade.

"And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ]" [al-Baqarah 2:45]

Perform salah and be humble when you ask for His help. It is important to be humbly submissive to Allah.



Allah will answer prayer of someone who is oppressed.

Among the things that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to Mu`âdh when he dispatched him to govern over Yemen was: “And be wary of the supplication of the oppressed, for between it and Allah there is no barrier.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1496, 2448) and Sahîh Muslim (19)]

Ask for Allah's help to solve this problem for you and put your trust in Him.

Also use this opportunity to supplicate to Allah to soften your parents' heart so that they may come to Islam. So that you guys may meet in Jannah which is for eternity. While this world is only a temporary place and a test for us by Allah to see which of us are good in deed.

Wallahua'lam (Allah knows best)

 

[Abdul-Halim265]

Salam alaykum!

I still haven't told my family yet. From my cautious conversations with them, it seems like they would accept my reversion, although they wouldn't (my parents anyway) be particularly happy about it. But inshallah I will succeed in one day persuading them that it won't change me as a person (in terms of my personality, etc) but merely change my faith and my outlook on life.

Inshallah, with gradual persuasion and time, your family will come to dispel their misconceptions about your new faith and religion, and will see through the misgivings that they have. We all wish you all the best, and many of us are in the same boat as you.

- A British Muslim revert studying in university.

 

[glo]

It might not seem like it to you, but I think you are doing a fine job. And so is your non-Muslim family!

Your family is adjusting to your life changes bit by bit. They needed some time to come to terms with your conversion, then some time to get used to your fiance, your marriage, now your pregnancy, your baby's name etc, etc.
No doubt they will also need some time to get used to which faith you will raise your child(ren) in, if and when you decide to wear hijab and so on, and so on.

That sounds only natural to me. As a mother I would be the same.
With every new change your parents worry that this will that you away from them ... until they realise that it doesn't and then relax into the new situation.

Sounds to me like you are all pretty normal and love and care for each other.

Wishing you, your parents and your own little family peace, joy and God's blessing! :statisfie

 

[YusufNoor]

Asalam Alaykum,

I converted to Islam about 8 years ago ( I was brought up in a Methodist Christian religion). For the first few years I converted, I tried to hide it from my family (mainly my Father). However, when I got engaged (to a Muslim man) almost three years ago, I had to finally confess to my family that I converted.
My Father was not too happy about it, although he still talked to me and we kept a good relationship. Many difficulties were faced when my husband and I were planning our wedding........ My family was upset obviously about me not getting married in a Church and not having any type of traditional American Ceremony. Then the fact that there was NO alcohol at the wedding was a big shock to my family which they were upset about. My Father kept telling me I was bring brain washed by my fiance and in laws. (In fact, our wedding was actually very liberal for an Islamic wedding. It was mixed and we had Muslim and dancing - Arabic and English music. Everyone ended up having a good time in my family)
My Dad kept making comments and I was the gossiped about family member and my Dad just thought I was a puppet to my in laws. Needless to say, my whole engaged life was a lot of stress from the family.

After the wedding, I thought things finally calmed down. I figured now I can finally be in peace, and this drama would stop.............. It did for awhile until I recently found out I was pregnant!
At first my family was happy and excited, until the topic of baby names came up. My husband and I decided to name our son Mohammed. When my Father heard the name he was not a happy camper at all. My Father in law's name is Mohammed and it is a tradition in my husband's family that the son names their first son after the Father.
Again, my Dad thinks that I am a puppet and am having no say in anything and am forced into naming my son this. I explained this is the name I want for my son, but he is still starting his stress and upsetting ways again..........

I am not sure when this will end and my family will FINALLY except everything.
The thing is, my husband and his family are very American and liberal, but my Father has this idea that all Muslims are extreme and barbaric. I do not even year Hijab (yet), and I still live a very Americanized lifestyle - yet at the same time practice and follow all of the Islamic obligations.

Has anyone else had a situation like this????

seeing as how your family isn't Catholic. i would take the stance that Islam is the original Protestant religion. we protest Jesus,pbuh, being made God, the pope being God's (whatever you want to call it).

if you carefully read the things that Jesus, pbuh, said (that aren't malarkey), then review the life of the Prophet, pbuh, then the similarity is amazing in the Makkah phase. now if you ever wondered how you would actually run a state using the sayings of Jesus, pbuh, then the Madina period is a thing of wonder.

i'm not sure how to get your father to feel like he has had his share in the naming of your child. but the more you can show the similarities in the 2 Prophets, the more more your choice becomes obvious.

have you tried learning the Seerah? here a nice version:

http://www.pleasantviewschool.com/media/default.asp?q=f&f=/Seerah_an_Nabawi%20%28saw%29

my mom is Catholic, but a lot of things bother her about her church. i use those things to show where Islam makes more sense. the last 2 times that i talked to my mom, we spent the 2nd hour of the talk discussing religion. each time she said she found the talk utterly fascinating. she says she too old to change religions, but i can't make anyone change religion. all i can do is teach her about Islam. i enjoy it, so if she does too, then it's a win/win.

make dua for your difficulties.

may allah guide you and make it easy on you!

ma salaama

 

[Abdullah101]

My family is intense with their Christian beliefs, that's why I know a bit more about Christianity than most. (I study Islam like all day though)
My family are like intense Lutheran Christians, but I'm not. It never felt "right", if you know what I mean. I've been studying Islam so much now, I've come to the conclusion that Islam is absolutely true. It's actually quite weird that someone like I, coming from such a dedicated Christian household would want to convert to Islam. But then again, as a child I was more mature than people who where my age, and I still am mature for people my age (17, about to be 18)
Wisdom is what I love. I love to learn more, from Islam. I could practically study the Quran from day to night every day. It interests me a lot, and I just get "in the zone" if you will.

My father and mother know I'm very impressed with Islam. My Father assumes all Muslims are barbaric Terrorists, my mother doesn't really care. My Father would probably cry if I would convert to Islam, to be honest.

But Allah rewards the patient, and I surely am Patient.
When the time comes, I will convert ^^

 

[SumayyahAbid]

Assalamu Alaikom

I faced similar issues when I converted to Islam almost 18 years ago. And the same prejudices that my family members had then, still hold true today. I am the black sheep of the family for becoming Muslim and often gossiped about.
It was hard in the beginning, but over I time I began asking myself...Who do I want to please? My family? Or Allah? The answer was easy.

My family can love me or leave me. As long as I have my Deen...that is all that matters. xoxo

 

[jameelash]

Salam
May Allah bless u .
Time will heal.it is quitae natural ur father getting upset .the depression inside him making him say
WordsThat hurts hurt u..no need to be upset.be stedy on ur deen of islm.gradually he may come in term with u..dont avoid ur parent .Show ur love more than b4 uc onvert.ur parents should b able to reslise the value of islam via u couples.during the time of shabas many accepted isaam not of dawa but from their deeds.make dua a lot.may Allahmake everything easy for you.aameen

 

[AsheSkyler]

They got upset over no alcohol at the wedding? The church I got married at had a strict anti-alcohol policy. Different church people, different rules, I guess.

Anywho, families are messy. When they turn into in-laws, even more so. I echo the patience thing. Be as soft spoken as you can and try to show them Muslims are people and not cavemen. Pointing out common ground may help too, like regular meeting to worship, respecting elders, studying at home is encouraged, etc. (Hasn't made my grandmother perfectly tolerant, but at least I'm getting her to admit Muslims can have good qualities.) I'm not familiar with the Methodist because I was raised Southern Baptist, and some days there are so many similarities between Islam and Christianity it's scary.