What would you guys do in this situation... How would you tackle this..
X is the youngest child married with kids. Xs marriage broke down so his kids have moved out with their mother. X is the youngest so lives with his mum in their family home. X however assumes full control to the extent he stops his mother's close relations from entering their house. X has not worked or contributed in any ways shape or form towards the home he thinks he has full control over. Doesn't even have a bill in his name at said property. Reasoning with this individual is a no go. Starts getting abusive and throwing a tantrum. What can be done in this situation. The only solution is to involve the authorities and get him mentally assessed but this is a taboo in our community. "honour"
With the limited information that you’ve shared (including your other posts on this thread), it tells me a few things:
1- The breakdown of his marriage and not being able to see his kids as frequently as he would probably like, likely makes him feel like his life is out of control. He probably feels very ashamed about his failed marriage (shame will only perpetuate the problem) and is likely making him feel as though his life is not settled, that life is just chaotic. I’m guessing he’s probably very stressed out most of the time and to you, it’ll probably look like he’s stressed for no reason. You might observe him as spending a lot of time playing games or doing whatever idle activities to pass the time. This is his way of avoiding reality because to him, the alternative is misery and stress. Wanting to control what happens in his home probably makes him feel like he has some control over his own life and he probably can’t see that he is harming himself and others.
2- he may need to talk to someone about his issues to process his experiences and emotions to allow him to heal. He sounds like he’s very lonely, insecure and hurt inside and the best way forward, in my view, is to give him the support he needs to move past his troubles. Penalising him is likely to make him more distant and hostile. Seeing a therapist/councillor may help him manage his emotions and allow him to see how is behaviour is effecting him and those around him. Remember: hurt people, hurt people. Unless this is resolved, he’s going to continue behaving in this way.
3- obviously, if you feel that you are at risk of harm then you may need to get the authorities involved. You’re best places to know this.
If you want Islamic advice:
a - Allah has called familial/blood ties as 'rahm'. This word is derived from Allah's name Al-Rahmaan. Allah said that whoever maintains the ties of kinship will have His rahma (mercy) and whoever cuts ties will be deprived of His rahma.
b- Your family member needs support and this is your test. You cannot control what he says or does but you can control your responses. Stay calm and patient, try not to take things personally or rationalise his behaviour because he needs to work through them. Your response should be with kindness and mercy.
c- be fair and just with him, regardless of how angry he makes you. Allah says “and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety” [al-Maa’idah 5:8].
