dealing with a disabled child?

[coolhaseena786]

As salaamu ali kaum brothers and sisters...I live in America and am wondering how to cope with my mentally retarded little sister. She was born with two veins mixed inside her brain and a heart murmur. I believe she has an Asperger's Syndrome. The main problem is she watches a lot of television, she sits in front of the TV from morning until night.

My parents are divorced, my father only wanted US immigration and had promised my mom that he will divorce her as soon as he gets his greencard, steal the jewelry set he didn't bought and divorce her and that's what he did. Our father doesn't support us at all (financially and emotionally), he married his cousin several years ago but kept it a secret and has two sons who he loves and cares for very much. He keeps his 2nd wife and kids very happy. He has abused us physically, emotionally and verbally ever since we were born, he mistreated and abused my mom ever since he married her. Whenever he called, he never wants to talk to my disabled little sister because he wanted to talk to me but I never want to talk to him because he always says mean and sarcastic stuff which puts me down a lot and I don't want to talk to him at all. He never was a good father, he send the divorce papers the day before my 13th birthday and never cared for me and my disabled little sister while living with us and after the divorce. I've been taking care of my disabled mother and disabled sister since I was 12.

My Main Concern:
- After trying the interactive toys for her but she still doesn't show any interest by playing with them nor wants to educate herself more. When she wants a channel, she throws a big tantrum and acts all crazy by screaming, hitting and stomping the floor a lot.

- Since my mom became physically disabled couple years ago, has a hard time bending down due to having a vertigo and artheritis. I've done a little research about how dogs are helpful those with a physical disablility and can help them a lot. My mom and sister also have hypertension.

I was thinking about getting a small apartment dog (shih tzu) to keep my little sister busy with since she has no place to go for an outing and when we try to take her out, she refuses. And also the dog can be helpful for my mom since she's a bit physically challenged. We've bought a green parakeet so that's why my mom is against buying a kitten.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

subhanallah =( may Allah make it easy for you and your siblings. may Allah make your efforts with your family fruitful and reward you immensely for them.

make dua for your sister and ask allah to cure her.

i think first you should speak to people who are trained in this field like counselors to give some idea of what the condition is, how it affects its suffers, how its suffers can live as normal as possible etc. once you have this information, than you can properly make the relevant adjustments to her lifestyle. another thing you could try is, is try speaking with others who have this condition (can they speak?), and/or people who have relatives, etc with this condition...this will inshallah enable you to get some idea on how to help your sister.

i believe people are intelligent and have the ability to understand and comprehend things, and disabled people arent any different. it may just a matter of finding a way to communicate/interact with them and educating/helping them using a means they know and can respond well to. even if she doesn't understand things like everybody else, try to find other means which she can. it maybe that she doesn't know how to use the toys? does anyone teach her how to?

im not sure what its like to work with disabled people as i dont know any, but i would imagine that they need as much care and attention as possible so i think there needs to be someone with her at all times.

 

[coolhaseena786]

Salaam and W'Salaam Sister...Thank You for your response. I really appreciate it. I do make a dua for her all the time. I had tried counselors before but they didn't know how to deal with her unfortunately. I'm trying harder though to help her find the right doctor and counselor. Mom and I both had treated her as if she's normal and alhumdulillah she doesn't feel any different from me and feels as if she's normal like me. The toys I did taught her and she has played with them before but she doesn't take interest in playing with them again. Mom and I had thought about buying her some expensive toys where she will learn something and educate herself. We had thought about how a dog can keep her busy all day while we're busy and keep her mind off from TV. I've did a research where one girl/lady had the same condition as my little sister but she said that having a dog has helped her build confidence and that the dog is her best friend.

My other question is, since my mom has arthritis and is physically disabled...can we have a small guide dog for her?

-sister in Islam

 

[Rafeeq]

If you have an example who waas cured, ggo ahead with that idea, may Allah (SWT) help you and your sister & mother.

 

[Yanal]

May Allaah ease your pain and grant your family and yourself patience.

Could you get a cat or kitten instead though?

 

[Woodrow]

I feel taking on the responsibility of an animal would compound your difficulties. While the use of guide animals and therapy animals can be both halal and beneficial, they do require considerable work.

I think it would be better to contact the local humane society, nursing homes and veterinarians and see if there are any local therapist who do volunteer visits with therapeutic pets.

Some examples:

http://www.horse-therapy.org/

http://www.gopetsamerica.com/dog/therapy_dog.aspx

http://landofpuregold.com/rxb.htm

 

[coolhaseena786]

No because my mom doesn't like cats and kittens due to an incident where an outside cat came into her home when she was a child and she's been scared of them since then. Apart from that, my mom bought a bird (green parakeet also known as a budgie) earlier this year and we can't keep a cat because cats are known to be the enemy of the bird and my mom doesn't want the cat to harm the bird so that's why she doesn't want a cat. I did also gave thoughts about the cat to keep my little sister busy, then I realized if the cat jumps onto stuff which is hard for me to get him/her out of there, it's going to be hard for me especially when the cat can jump next to my bird's cage regardless of how high I put the cage, I don't want to harm my bird at all. A puppy or a small apartment dog can't jump all the way high to the bird's cage because he/she will stay at a lower level. I've heard a lot about dogs being a man's best friend and the emotional support a dog gives is not what any other animal can do. I'm still in the process of thinking about it but haven't completely decided in how I can keep my disabled little sister busy with live pets or interactive toys. Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it.

 

[coolhaseena786]

Thank You so much Woodrow, this really solves my problem. That's the same thing I was thinking about, having a dog to ease some of my difficulties would allow me to work outside while the dog looks after them so I can make extra money to take care of them both and fulfill each and every single one of their needs. I really appreciate your suggestions. I will check my local humane society to see if they do. JazakhAllah. Shall Allah shower his blessings onto you always and bless your soul!

 

[coolhaseena786]

Thank You everyone for your replies. I really appreciate all of them. Shall Allah shower his blessings onto all of you. Ameen. JazakhAllah

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

As salaamu ali kaum brothers and sisters...I live in America and am wondering how to cope with my mentally retarded little sister. She was born with two veins mixed inside her brain and a heart murmur. I believe she has an Asperger's Syndrome. The main problem is she watches a lot of television, she sits in front of the TV from morning until night.

My parents are divorced, my father only wanted US immigration and had promised my mom that he will divorce her as soon as he gets his greencard, steal the jewelry set he didn't bought and divorce her and that's what he did. Our father doesn't support us at all (financially and emotionally), he married his cousin several years ago but kept it a secret and has two sons who he loves and cares for very much. He keeps his 2nd wife and kids very happy. He has abused us physically, emotionally and verbally ever since we were born, he mistreated and abused my mom ever since he married her. Whenever he called, he never wants to talk to my disabled little sister because he wanted to talk to me but I never want to talk to him because he always says mean and sarcastic stuff which puts me down a lot and I don't want to talk to him at all. He never was a good father, he send the divorce papers the day before my 13th birthday and never cared for me and my disabled little sister while living with us and after the divorce. I've been taking care of my disabled mother and disabled sister since I was 12.

My Main Concern:
- After trying the interactive toys for her but she still doesn't show any interest by playing with them nor wants to educate herself more. When she wants a channel, she throws a big tantrum and acts all crazy by screaming, hitting and stomping the floor a lot.

- Since my mom became physically disabled couple years ago, has a hard time bending down due to having a vertigo and artheritis. I've done a little research about how dogs are helpful those with a physical disablility and can help them a lot. My mom and sister also have hypertension.

I was thinking about getting a small apartment dog (shih tzu) to keep my little sister busy with since she has no place to go for an outing and when we try to take her out, she refuses. And also the dog can be helpful for my mom since she's a bit physically challenged. We've bought a green parakeet so that's why my mom is against buying a kitten.

Asalaamu Alaikum, my dear sister jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us. What we must realise is that a person with Aspergers and Autism is not like you and me and they have behavorial patterns that we cannot really understand. Those who usually have these syndromes have set routines and do not like a change in the routine. If their patterns of behaviour are disturbed in anyway then they can cause a big scene.

What i would like to add is sister if you can take your sister to a specialist in Aspergers and Autism who can help you and your mother to deal with your sister in the best way possible as they understand the condition and would be able to give you the best advice possible in being able to manage and deal with your sisters condition. They will also put you intouch with societies who can also help and assist as well as possible grants/benefits etc for looking after disabled family members. At the same time they will give you the best advice in what methods you can employ to help your mother and sister inshallah.

Also my sister know that your sister is like a little angel because those who have such disabilities will not give account on the day of judgement. You serving your mother and taking care of your little sister is very honourable and your reward is with Allah. Those who serve their parents will have rewards which surpass the reward of jihad even. So my sister be happy to know that you taking care of your family is a means of Allah being happy with you as long as you do it for the pleasure of Allah and fulfill all of your obligations to Allah like Salaah etc.

Make your focus the hereafter and continue to take care of your mother and sister and find pleasure in doing so for it pleases Allah so much.

Try to play more Qur'an at home so that your sister can hear it often. Also try to put a lot of good Islamic lectures, recitation etc on the TV.

Also make much dua that Allah helps you to take even better care of your mother and sister and also helps you in your financial situation. Recite Surah Waaqiah at night and also thank Allah for these increase rizq(sustainance).

Please remember us all in your dua's sister and if you ever need any help or need to ask anything then we are all here for you inshallah.

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[coolhaseena786]

Asalaamu Alaikum, my dear sister jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us. What we must realise is that a person with Aspergers and Autism is not like you and me and they have behavorial patterns that we cannot really understand. Those who usually have these syndromes have set routines and do not like a change in the routine. If their patterns of behaviour are disturbed in anyway then they can cause a big scene.

JazakAllah for replying brother Hamza81. I really appreciate it.

I forgot to mention, we're showing her to a psychiatrist but it's hard to find a specialist here in my state. Some are very expensive though so that's why I want to get a job to help her and my mom.