Death anniversary

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Beenish

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Asa. It's going to be a year since my father passed away today. I just have one confusion.

We have found out that having a Fateha or Barsi (as is the custom in Indo Pak) is not allowed that is why we did not keep any khatame Quran for our baba.

Throughout the year we keep reciting the Quran for him (all his kids) and we give charity too.

Now the problem here is this. My dads brothers daughter is getting married this week. He kept a dinner party in which there would be singing of songs (dholki) . I refused to go. Because I just don't feel like going. I feel sad because today was the day a year ago I lost my father and I am still traumatised by it. I just cannot go and sing songs and dress up and be happy. I am not stopping anyone from celebrating their happiness but I just don't feel up to doing it today at least as I am having flashbacks of the day last year when my father passed away in front of me.

My brother is arguing that year round you watch Tv or listen to songs why do you have to make this specific day of grief you're doing biddah?

So I just want to know if I'm wrong. It's making me sad. I haven't refused to attend other functions like the reception and the wedding but I just can't push myself to dress up sing songs and be happy today. Am I wrong?
 
Beenish said:
Asa. It's going to be a year since my father passed away today. I just have one confusion.

We have found out that having a Fateha or Barsi (as is the custom in Indo Pak) is not allowed that is why we did not keep any khatame Quran for our baba.

Throughout the year we keep reciting the Quran for him (all his kids) and we give charity too.

Now the problem here is this. My dads brothers daughter is getting married this week. He kept a dinner party in which there would be singing of songs (dholki) . I refused to go. Because I just don't feel like going. I feel sad because today was the day a year ago I lost my father and I am still traumatised by it. I just cannot go and sing songs and dress up and be happy. I am not stopping anyone from celebrating their happiness but I just don't feel up to doing it today at least as I am having flashbacks of the day last year when my father passed away in front of me.

My brother is arguing that year round you watch Tv or listen to songs why do you have to make this specific day of grief you're doing biddah?

So I just want to know if I'm wrong. It's making me sad. I haven't refused to attend other functions like the reception and the wedding but I just can't push myself to dress up sing songs and be happy today. Am I wrong?
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I can understand if youre still deeply traumatized by the death of your father. It makes sense. To be honest with you, its your choice whether you feel comfortable in going or not. Everyone deals with pain in different ways and you may be someone who decides to avoid the partying side of someones death. Its not supposed to be a happy moment I can understand. What I would advise is if you honestly dont want to go, just state that you dont want to go. Its personal to you, and im sure that people around you should be able to understand your feelings and youre definantely not wrong for not wanting to go. InshaAllah may Allah reward your father jannah and have mercy on his soul.
 
Whether or not you go there totally depends on you but most important thing is that we should try to refrain from music, singing and dancing
 
Thank you. Yes working on that aspect of Islam too dancing and listening to songs jzk
 

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