Thank you very much Al Zaara, I was beginning to wonder if it would be approved. I can actually see that my attempt at posting this the week earlier was also approved, but we’ll let that thread fade away.
Peace, your thread made me cry,
islam is beautiful, it always was to those that try to understand it...I know that you cant force it upon a person or force your heart to accept but all the same i pray for Allah to guide you back Insha'Allah. And Allah guides whomsoever He wills.
With regards to your parents I think honesty is the best policy, however that would depend entirely on how YOU feel about the situation, if you feel you want to protect your parents as they are growing older I would leave it, provided that your decision about your faith will not otherwise affect them in any major way. All the best
Well there are implications as to how my life will turn out based on my religion or lack thereof. I could only assume that deviance from what is expected will be questioned and passionately dismissed without a chance for discussion. I may as well let them know, because to deny myself a life that I wish to live cannot be what my parents intended. There are cultural limitations as to what is appropriate and what is not. For example, there are no religious limitations; however there is a cultural perception that men take pride in their body hair, and that the trimming of hair in places such as forearms and legs is frowned upon. The fact of the matter is that Islam, as I understand it, encourages cleanliness and hygiene throughout one’s life. I do not know of a single Qur’anic reference which would disallow such practices. But if such matters are an issue when they are well within the decree of Allah, than I can only imagine what may occur when I denounce my faith.
One must think about the future. What will happen if/when I choose to be married? Quite understandably, my parents have a vested interest in my future and I can only assume that they wish for me to find a partner capable of helping me raise a family. It’s not as if I do not want the same, but being a Muslim and of my particular background severely limits my options considering what is expected, and what I find acceptable.
Peace,
This will be a very difficult time for you. It is nearly impossible for a Muslim to comprehend how another Muslim could select Atheism. However, many people of your age do think of it as a choice. Rather than being critical of your choice it is far better if we could understand why you made this decision.
Perhaps you may want to share your thoughts with us before you face your parents. We will not agree with your choice, but it may be better for you to express your views and understand the arguments before facing your parents.
Sure. I hope this post helps.
Once you made a choice, stand to it. Go your way and I hope you will find what you are looking for. But your parents will remain your parents. Respect their religion and their believings. I'm pretty sure, they will also assist in your struggles to find your truth
I would hope so.
wow, you are in a painful situation!
islam is really quite broad, though there are those who make it narrow. personally, i think you can find all you need right where you are and there is no need to leave or change. your understanding of your religion may be different than that of those who surround you, but ultimately each person's relationship with god is different and unique, isn't it?
i would ask you to do yet more soul searching before you take any action. i would certainly not rush to tell your parents. this is a major step and it will change your life and theirs, and probably not for the better.
you are young and probably torn between cultures. this is challenging at best. do not be quick to make any final decisions. it is normal to question and have doubt. turning your back on your culture and tradition/heritage and your family should not be done lightly. i know you have given this much thought, but please give it more. there is not hurry - this is a major issue.
woodrow's suggestion is a good one.
My perception of culture is that it is quite useless for the individual but very useful for society. It is the baggage of the past that forms the mold of what is expected and apparently appropriate for the current generation. If you look within your own culture and begin to question the rituals and practices of the ethnic background which others would identify you by, then more often than not you will find a pervasive effort to conform the individual with social practices that have little significance for the conforming individual but as a society it upholds the moral values and fundamental political systems, for example the family system.
As I understand myself and my society, I began to realize that no one culture is superior to another when those within the social network that have adopted the culture have agreed to live in accordance to the will of the population. Each culture has its own priorities, which arise from the ability to accept fundamental beliefs such as religion. Why must I accept any one particular culture? Why must anyone accept the culture they have been born into? There are merits and demerits of every culture and it is the deep rooted belief that my (or any) particular culture is by default better or even necessary that results in so much grief in the world.
Think you should move out.
As open minded as I like to consider myself being.
I'd be devestated if I were your parents, like I have failed on every level to have you for a son.
Having you there would be a constant reminder. I Think the best thing for you to do is move out or at least not bring this to their attention, if you have some measure of gratitude in the very least to the woman who carried you in her deep. You'll not be a constant painful memory to her..
cheers and Good luck to you!
I can certainly understand that. I can live alone, but what are you suggesting? If I were to move away, that does not solve anything. If I never mention anything, it also does not solve anything.
thinking about this a little more.
since you have not adopted another religion, i really don't see any reason to take action at all.
it is no secret that there are practicing and non-practicing muslims, and also that the level of practice may vary over a person's lifetime.
i see no reason why you must make a final decision at this point and break your parents' hearts.
Being a Muslim is a way of life. The fundamental tenets of faith mean that my life will be lived in accordance with what is allowed my Islam. If I live my life an Islamic way I am lying to myself and to my parents, because I do not have faith. For those who can understand, do you not question your imaan/faith every time you miss a prayer, or commit a sin, and do not reflexively seek repentance? I do not mean that repentance should be a habit, as it is not something that is taken lightly. But the genuine fear of making the most of your life here on earth so that you can reap the benefits in the afterlife must be present, how else do you call yourself a believer? I for one find it hard to believe that 4 billion people in the world call themselves believers, of any faith. The careless attitude towards religion and god reflects, to me, a lack of understanding one’s own faith.
'tis the caprice of youth...
When I was 20, I thought I knew everything, I was flaunting my knowledge of every piece of art in the Frick Collection, to anyone who'd listen, and thought having read "Proust's "Swan's Way"" and the Quand le ciel bas et lourd in french by Baudelaire meant I was on top of the world.. Going to grad school I was asked to leave my dignity at the door and as the years progressed I realized just how much of everything I don't know and lost all forbearance to my former self and any one who remotely represented it!
But I have to admit even worst than twenty year olds to me are teenagers. Just think it should be a rites of passage that they all go to some boot camp and get their behinds collectively whipped some three or four times a day..plus I wish I can make some uniform clothing line of either brown, grey or navy blue as I am so sick of every teenage little girl who looks like a run away h o o k e r and every teenage kid who wears his jeans down to his knees so that everyone can have a look at his man panties. I truly apologize for the digression.. just thought I'd get that off my chest!
peace!
Thank you for the generalization. I fail to see how it actually helped you to make your point. There are quite a few capable young adults that I personally know, and I'm sure many other would know more, that I am certain will make a difference in the world if they wish to do so. I’m sure you will attest to the fact that it is a byproduct of culture that you disagree with and that now, as it as been, the current generation is seen as a deviant group with different morals or beliefs than the preceding culture. Typically, they are perceived as less intelligent or unaware of the world around them.
All of us at some point were the current generation, and if you feel that there were exceptions to your generation then certainly there are exceptions in the current generation.
Perhaps it was the caprice of your personal youth...
am jus sad but i feel for you
If you r scared of ur parents wat about ur lord the creator???Rem ridhallah fi ridhal waalidayn wa sakhatallah....
Look around u..Allah's signs are everywhere..his beautiful creations.
Am a medical student so have dissected d human body....we were certainly created to perfection..every thing is so perfect..
fatabaarakallahu ahsanal khaaliqiin
HOW then can Allah not be present
Alhamdullila, am happy to say i feel HIS presence everywhere coz He is everywhere
I hope u make d ryt decision...am praying for you
innaddiina inda Allah Al-islaam
Allah also says he wont accept any religion yawmul qiyama except islaam
Am rily praying for you...
i myt have sounded harsh but its how i feel
No worries, as for the fear of my parents, it's not true. I do not fear the reaction itself but the fact that over the next twenty years our relationship will have been affected. When my parents grow old I would like to support them, I do not want this matter to be an issue. I do not want to be seen as having abandoned my parents.
As for the signs, “Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”, said Douglas Adams (1952-2001).
Believe me there are so many of us that have gone through this phase. But alhumdulillah Allah guides whom he wills and thus don't let it go comepletly. I coudn't think of myself of a muslim as well, I hated it when my parents whould ask me to pray, as I thought I would only be putting up an act and felt nothing inside. No matter how mush I tried to reason with myself I just couldn't think any religion exited. (astaghfirullah) And I regret all thouse moments...
But then finally at the age 21 after all this time when I thought I may never have emaan like my parents and family, did Allah guide me. Look around once again brother, eveything really is perfect as the quran states. The earth was not created out of mere coincidence, even if so, soo many coincidences at the same time!! Go on tabligh, give yourself some time and space, give the bothers there a chance to explain things to you, feel the atmosphere ther, its truly amazing. Also, did you try reading the quran with it's translations?? Read them over and over. Look around the forum there are so many converts, they inspire me, find out why they converted.
Again, please don't let it go completey, don't annouce anything yet. Insha'allah I pray, with time and some more soul searching you find your emaan.
I don't exactly know what you are calling coincidences, but I can assure you this is not a phase. It was never the case that I disliked my religion, it just so happens that I decided to look deeper. I did not cringe at the thought of prayer, I did not think twice about charitable acts, or anything else that needed to be done.
I can tell you why many people convert, it is a need for emotional and spiritual fulfillment that they themselves cannot define. For one reason or another, the average person automatically turns towards religion for an answer mainly because religious groups tend to portray that they have one.
I've tried it with local imams, numerous door to door representatives of a various "Christian" sects, or even at the mall where they willingly hand out free copies of a holy book in which there are all the answers and it only takes 30 seconds to hear their sales pitch but after five minutes of my questioning they're unable to answer my questions. I have to wonder why someone cannot answer the fundamental questions as to why I must choose a religion and in particular theirs.
You see I could have been raised to follow any one of the world's religions, it could have been a sect of Christianity, or Buddhism, or Hinduism, or I may have been born Jewish, Sikh, Taoist, or anything else had I been born under a different time or situation. In fact it is only roughly 8-10 generations ago that my ancestors converted to Islam in India. I wonder how their Hindu family and friends may have reacted to the news. I contend that had I been born 10 generation ago I would have been a Hindu and could rightfully so practice Hinduism with no one to say that I am wrong unless it was a missionary from another religion. If my ancestors had the right to choose their religion despite their upbringing then who is to say that I do not have that same right when it very well may be that I in fact understand the religion to a greater extent.
I am not trying to say that I am granted the right to choose by precedence, but that I can choose because no one has the ability to take away that choice. To attribute my will to change to my age is an insult. I do not blame you are anyone else for holding that opinion because many do not realize that age has no bearing on wisdom. What is perceived as wisdom is the collection of experiences that one may acquire through his or her life, from which he/she has developed a dualistic sense of right and wrong. I contend that it is entirely irrational to presume wisdom can only be acquired through experience and that it is the ability to use the knowledge that is at your disposal that is an indication of wisdom. I do not mean to be harsh to anyone in particular, but what is it to say that you have spent your entire life learning from your mistakes and collectively calling that life experience wisdom? What if you were fully capable of making the right decisions? What if you have the promethean instinct to ask the questions before the consequences of the answers made themselves apparent? Is it not wisdom?
Yes, as a matter of fact I own 3 separate printed copies of English translations of the Qur’an. The names of the translators may be familiar to you, Abdullah Yusuf Ali, Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall (ISBN 1879402513), and N.J. Dawood (ISBN 0140449205). I have yet to find a printed copy by M.H. Shakir, as I find he is another frequently quoted translator. Needless to say there are multitudes to resources online.
This post has become particularly long. As I have replied to many, if not all, of the posters there may be many ideas presented. Please point out any inconsistencies or questions which may arise from my responses.
Thank you all for the responses, and thank you to all the well-wishers.
I don’t know of a culture that has not changed over time and with it kept the same definition of decency, propriety, respectability and morality. Are you saying that the fundamental virtues recognized by society have not changed, or that there is a definition of virtue lies outside the constructs of human nature and the will of the population?
kay:
