Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I have an issue which has tormented me for many months. My wife is disabled, she was in a car accident two years ago and as a result became paralysed from the waist down. Her hands work fine and she takes care of herself without any need of assistance Mashallah. Alhamdulliah she was fine and able bodied when I met and married her, and remained so for the first ten years of our marriage. Since she has became disabled I have been unhappy because she is disabled and I dont want to be married to her as a result of that. I have put up with it for two years already subhanallah. I know thats this may offend alot of people but I am really unhappy to be married to such a person. Is her illness/ disability a valid ground for divorce. Please my brothers and sisters understand my dispair, and please include both quran and hadith evidence if you can.
Salam Alaikum
:salamext:
Brother, you are fortunate that the members here have been so kind in their response to you.
A kindness which you truly do not deserve.
What type of a person are you, to even consider abandoning the woman who gave you the best 10 years of her life because:
"I have been unhappy because she is disabled and I dont want to be married to her as a result of that."
I have put up with it for two years already subhanallah.
You have 'put up with it' for 2 years?
You speak with such contempt for a woman who is enduring a whole lot more than you!
A woman that you were happy to share her better days with, but now that Allah has placed a difficulty in her life - you are the first to consider bailing out.
Think of all the sacrifices she has made on your behalf over the years.
Do you imagine that she would treat you the same if you were paralysed?
Or would she stand by your side till the very end?
How would you feel if your loved ones abandoned you - simply because of a physical disablilty?
Or do you think that you are immune from a similiar fate?
Marriage is not just a physical union, which ends once the external appearance fades.
True love for the sake of Allah (subhanawataála), for His pleasure and for the love of each other - is one where you would want to see that person in Jannah with you.
Where the happiness of your beloved is
your happiness.
Where her pain is
your pain.
Where her trials are
your trials.....and you face them TOGETHER. Not walk out the door as soon as tragedy strikes.
You are aware that it is permissible for you take another wife in such a situation.
Yet you have not even mentioned this possibility.
Your only solution to this test from Allah Taa'la is a divorce?
How delighted must Shaytaan be at this, for he loves to see marriages end.
Brother it is not for us to tell you whether to stay in this marriage or not.
For if you are so "despaired" and "unhappy to be married to such a person" (this "such a person" is still your wife, even if she cannot walk) - and you do not consider another marriage, with equal treatment to both spouses as an option for you - then, you need to reflect on the state of your heart.
Certainly it sounds devoid of those emotions of love, mercy and kindness that make us human.
A heart that has grown so hard - is one that is far, far away from the love of Allah azza wajjal and His Nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam).
Truly, the problem does not lie with your wifes disability.
But with yours.
Her legs may be now 'dead' - In shaa Allah, it may be a means for her entering Jannah.
But what can be worse than a 'dead' heart - this is an even more serious 'disability'.
May Allah (subhanawataála) open your heart, fill it with His mercy and love, that we humans feel for one another.
And may He grant your wife the strength and sabr through this trial, and make it a means of elevating her status in the aakhirah.
Ameen
:wasalamex
