Do I deserve to make Dua even if I had in mind to commit kufr?

[Nitro Zeus]

Yesterday when I was in kitchen eating. I had the telephone with me trying to find the answer for my question because it is the most important to me. And my Christian grandmother pulled with force my telephone and I insulted her bad because I became angry and I hated to be treated like this. I went to my room so that I can search "how to get your Dua for reversal of time be accepted and answered for last time" and my Christian mother came and she took my phone and destroyed it. And then, I became very,angry that I insulted very bad the life with,intense anger and I had the desire to take revenge on my grandmother because of her my phone is destroyed. And there was bug fight and I felt the need of shutting down myself permanently, because I feel that,there's​ no point of living if I have too many problems which some are unsolvable.

Next day in the morning, I woke up very angry because I wanted to ask on internet how to get this Dua which I described above to be accepted and answered, and I became angry because I forgot whats the password for my gmail account and so, I could not receive any answer. And my grandmother did something to me(I cant remember what) that I started even to use hard bad words towards and that I said with intense anger that nothing in this life works properly, and because of my Dua for reversal of time not answered even now, I started to have feelings and weird desire to insult God very bad out of intense anger for not answering my Dua, but I have refrained as much as I could.

and now after I calmed down, I felt like I dont deserve to make Dua to Him after having this kind if behaviour towards Him, and I,felt regrets and I started to wish to seek His forgiveness but now I dont have the courage because of my behaviour.



what should I do?? Have I done a major act of disbelief?? Or it is just in my mind that? Please tell me, its important to know.

 

[azc]

One should never despair of the Mercy of Allah because this is a grave major sin.

Allah, The Almighty, Says (what means):

•{And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except for those astray?} [Quran 15: 56]

•{Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.}
[Quran 12:87]

In another verse, Allah, The Almighty, Says (what means):

{And do not throw [yourselves] with your [own] hands into destruction.} [Quran 2: 195]

Commenting on the verse, some scholars said that when the slave of Allah commits a sin and then thinks that his sin will not be forgiven and, therefore, he abandons seeking forgiveness and repentance to Allah, this is the destruction meant in the verse. We seek refuge in Allah form that.

In a Qudsi Hadeeth, the Prophet narrated that Allah, The Almighty, Said:“A slave committed a sin and he said, ‘O Allah, Forgive me my sin.’ Allah, The Almighty, Said, ‘My slave committed a sin and came to realize that he has a Lord Who Forgives sins and Calls to account (the sinner) for the sin.’ He then again committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, Forgive me my sin.’ Allah, The Exalted, Said, ‘My slave committed a sin and came to realize that he has a Lord Who Forgives sins and Calls to account for the sin.’ He again committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, Forgive me for my sin.’ Allah, The Exalted, Said, ‘My slave committed a sin and came to realize that he has a Lord Who Forgives sins and Calls to account for the sin. O slave, do what you like. I Have Granted you forgiveness.’”[Muslim]

 

[Nitro Zeus]

what does it mean-"Indeed, no one despairs of reloef from God except the disbelieving people"?

 

[Nitro Zeus]

what does it mean-"Indeed, no one despairs of reloef from God except the disbelieving people"?

One should never despair of the Mercy of Allah because this is a grave major sin.

Allah, The Almighty, Says (what means):

•{And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except for those astray?} [Quran 15: 56]

•{Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.}
[Quran 12:87]

In another verse, Allah, The Almighty, Says (what means):

{And do not throw [yourselves] with your [own] hands into destruction.} [Quran 2: 195]

Commenting on the verse, some scholars said that when the slave of Allah commits a sin and then thinks that his sin will not be forgiven and, therefore, he abandons seeking forgiveness and repentance to Allah, this is the destruction meant in the verse. We seek refuge in Allah form that.

In a Qudsi Hadeeth, the Prophet narrated that Allah, The Almighty, Said:“A slave committed a sin and he said, ‘O Allah, Forgive me my sin.’ Allah, The Almighty, Said, ‘My slave committed a sin and came to realize that he has a Lord Who Forgives sins and Calls to account (the sinner) for the sin.’ He then again committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, Forgive me my sin.’ Allah, The Exalted, Said, ‘My slave committed a sin and came to realize that he has a Lord Who Forgives sins and Calls to account for the sin.’ He again committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, Forgive me for my sin.’ Allah, The Exalted, Said, ‘My slave committed a sin and came to realize that he has a Lord Who Forgives sins and Calls to account for the sin. O slave, do what you like. I Have Granted you forgiveness.’”[Muslim]

Why is this happening to me? Is it normal and natural to happen this to me?

 

[MazharShafiq]

Praise be to Allah.

Words matter according to the great religion of Allah: by means of a word a person speaks, Allah may raise him in status, and by means of a word he speaks he may be doomed to Hell.-

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Not a word does he (or she) utter but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it)” [50:18]-

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “ A person may speak a word, not realizing what he is saying, and he will fall because of it into the Fire further than the distance between the East and West.”-

Al-Tirmidhi narrated in a report which he classed as saheeh (authentic), that Bilaal ibn al-Haarith said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “One of you may speak a word that pleases Allah, and not know how far it reaches, but Allah will decree that He is pleased with him until the Day he meets Him. And one of you may speak a word that angers Allah, and not know how far it reaches, but Allah will decree that He is angry with him, until the Day he meets Him.”- -

 

[azc]

what does it mean-"Indeed, no one despairs of reloef from God except the disbelieving people"?

Only an expert in Tafseer can interprete quranic verses.
But what I know is that We should have firm faith in mercy of Allah :swt1: in all circumstances. And it's kufr to despair of mercy of Allah :swt1:

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Why is this happening to me? Is it normal and natural to happen this to me?

yes, it's normal, can happen to anyone.

 

[Nitro Zeus]

Only an expert in Tafseer can interprete quranic verses.
But what I know is that We should have firm faith in mercy of Allah :swt1: in all circumstances. And it's kufr to despair of mercy of Allah :swt1:

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yes, it's normal, can happen to anyone.

Thanx for your answer, next time I will learn to control my feelings.