Dua for my father

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
I have in the past always had a dificult relationship with my father. We've had a very rough history, but we've also always had some mutaual understanding. As a kid I was sometimes very angry when my father got drunk, but for a long time I resorted to alcohol myself in an attempt to run away from reality. For years I have drunk; and drunk a lot; some periods even on daily basis, so I completely understand my dad's motives. At a certain period he got so depressed he thought suicide was the only way out, and since he didn't want to leave us behind, he thought he had to kill us first. Luckely my older sister and my mother were able to stop him. It was a very rough period and there was no way for my young mind to comprehend it back then, but as I grew older, and later talked to my dad, I come to understand why. Afterwards my parents divorced and my sister grew apart from him. I also lived with my mother, but even though I only saw my father once every month I felt much closer to him then I felt close to my mom who worked so hard in trying to raise two kids on her own. My father started to work in difrent con-operations fooling people out of their money by shady buisnesses. Buisness on the border of legality. About five years ago my father died of lungcancer. And it was unimagenably hard for me to cope. I was atheistic back then, as was he. And I was so angry, it was so unfair, it was so sad. My alcohol abuse changed to unknown hights and my hearth become cold and distant of people. I didn't want to risk this pain again. Even though my family and my dad have had very rough times, I always felt closer to my dad then any other family members. It's strange, because out of all the people of my family he was the only one I had reasons not to trust, since he betrayed that trust in the past, yet he was the only one I really trusted. Maybe it was because I was the only one whom he told his motives for his actions, and his nightmares that he had about it afterwards. Maybe it was because in a way our character was very simular and I could really relate to him. I always thought hat, if I had lived in his shoes, there would have bee na big chance that I'd turn out on a simular path. Why Am I telling all of this? Well perhaps I just wanted to share this story, but the thing is, I loved my father a lot and I fear for my father's afterlife. People tell me that I should make dua for him, that I am the only one that can make a difrence. Ever since I reverted to Islam this has always stayed in the back of my mind, but for some reason I pushed these thoughts away and try not to think about it. Today I was discussing this issue with a brother and I realised how stupid I was for constantly postphoning this. so next salaat I did I tried to make a dua afterwards. But I just didn't know what to say? What can I ask? What can I say? How can my dua undo what is done? What can I say on my fathers behalf that Allah doens't already know? What kind of desire out of my heart can I request, of which Allah doesn't already know this desire is in my heart. What kind of difrance can I make? What specifically should I ask for? I keep thinknig about simular situations like Abraham (pbuh) who prayed for the faith of his children, that they be guided. I think of the uncle of muhammed (pbuh) whom is said will reside in hell. Did the prophet pray for his salvation? Was it granted or not? Maybe the case is not simular because maybe the prophets uncle disbelieved against better knowledge. I don't know. I tried to make dua, but I couldn't ask anything. I was speecheless an instead just sat there crying the whole time.
Does any of this make any sense?

 

[SASB]

Allah is the allmighty and most mercifull

Say something true from the bottom of you'r heart and inshalla allah will fogive you'r father.

 

[Umm Yoosuf]

Wa Alaikumussalaam Wa Rahmatulaahi Wa Barakatuh Brother Steve

Insha Allah make Du'a for Allah to guide him and be an example to him Insha Allah. And all the stuff that happend in the pass, if it was before you were a Muslim then when you entere Islam, when you took your shahada Allah forgive you all your sins, as though you were a new born baby, sinless, Insha Allah. And if it was during the time you were a Muslim, then Allah is All-Forgiving, Most-Merciful, seek His forgiveness and you'll be forgiven Insha Allah, and amend the relatioship with your father.

I found the article below i hope it helps

Question :


We want to know in detail how Muslims regard non-Muslims, and how they should deal with them according to Islamic sharee’ah?

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

1- Islam is the religion of mercy and justice.

2- Muslims are commanded to call non-Muslims to Islam with wisdom and beautiful preaching and by debating in a manner that is better. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And argue not with the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), unless it be in (a way) that is better (with good words and in good manner, inviting them to Islamic Monotheism with His Verses), except with such of them as do wrong”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:46]

3- Allaah does not accept any religion other than Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:85]

4- The Muslims should give the kaafirs the opportunity to hear the words of Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if anyone of the Mushrikoon (polytheists, idolaters, pagans, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah) seeks your protection then grant him protection so that he may hear the Word of Allaah (the Qur’aan) and then escort him to where he can be secure”

[al-Tawbah 9:6]

5- The Muslims should differentiate between different kinds of kaafirs in their dealings with them. They should make peace with those who make peace, and wage war against those who wage war, and wage jihad against those who stand in the way of spreading the message of Islam and causing it to prevail of earth.

6- With regard to matters of love and hate in the heart, the Muslims’ attitude towards non-Muslims is based on the latter’s attitude towards Allaah. If they worship Allaah and do not associate anything in worship with Him, then they love them. If they associate others in worship with Him, or disbelieve in Him, or worship others alongside Him, or are hostile towards His religion and hate the truth, then it is obligatory to hate them in our hearts.

7- Hating them in our hearts does not mean that we should oppress or mistreat them under any circumstances, because Allaah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), describing what his attitude should be towards the People of the Book:

“and I am commanded to do justice among you. Allaah is our Lord and your Lord. For us our deeds and for you your deeds”

[al-Shoora 42:15 – interpretation of the meaning]

even though he is a Muslim and they are following Judaism or Christianity.

8- The Muslims believe that it is not permissible, under any circumstances whatsoever, for a Muslim to mistreat a non-Muslim who is not hostile towards Islam; so the Muslim should not commit aggression against him, or frighten him, or terrorize him, or steal his wealth, or embezzle him, or deprive him of his rights, or deny him his trust, or deny him his wages, or withhold from him the price of his goods when buying from him or withhold the profits of a partnership if he is in a business partnership with him.

9- The Muslims believe that it is obligatory upon the Muslims to honour treaties or agreements made with a non-Muslim party. If a Muslim has agreed to their conditions when seeking permission to enter their country (i.e., a visa) and has promised to adhere to that, then it is not permissible for him to commit mischief in their land, to betray anyone, to steal, to kill or to do any destructive action, and so on.

10-The Muslims believe that in the case of non-Muslims who wage war against them and drive them out of their homes, or help others to do so, it is permissible for Muslims to shed the blood of these non-Muslims and confiscate their wealth.

11-The Muslims believe that it is permissible for a Muslim to treat kindly those non-Muslims who are not hostile, whether by offering financial help, feeding the hungry, giving them loans if needed or interceding with regard to permissible matters, or speaking kindly to them or returning their greetings, and so on. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allaah loves those who deal with equity”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:8]

12-There is no reason why Muslims should not cooperate with non-Muslims with regard to establishing truth and combating falsehood, to support the oppressed and ward off danger from mankind, such as cooperating to fight pollution or to protect the environment, or to combat epidemic diseases and so on.

13-The Muslims believe that there are differences between Muslims and non-Muslims in specific rulings such as diyah (blood money), inheritance, marriage, guardianship in marriage, entering Makkah etc., as is explained in the books of Islamic fiqh (jurisprudence). This is based on the commands of Allaah and His Messenger Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). We cannot regard as equal one who believes in Allaah alone with no partner or associate and one who disbelieves in Allaah or one who disbelieves in Allaah and joins others in worship with Him, or who turns away from the true religion.

14-Muslims are commanded to call people to Allaah in all the Muslim countries and other lands. They must convey the true religion of Allaah to the world and build mosques in all parts of the world, and send daa’iyahs (callers) to non-Muslim countries and invite their leaders to enter the religion of Allaah.

15-The Muslims believe that other people who are following other religions are not following any true religion, so the Muslims do not allow others to send missionaries to build churches in Muslim countries. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is then he who is a believer like him who is a Faasiq (disbeliever and disobedient to Allaah)? Not equal are they”

[al-Sajdah 32:18]

Whoever thinks that Islam is equal to other religions is making a serious mistake. But the Muslim scholars have opened the door to debate with non-Muslims and allow the opportunity to discuss with and listen to non-Muslims and explain the truth to them.

Finally, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say (O Muhammad): O people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians): Come to a word that is just between us and you, that we worship none but Allaah (Alone), and that we associate no partners with Him, and that none of us shall take others as lords besides Allaah.’ Then, if they turn away, say: ‘Bear witness that we are Muslims’”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:64]

“And had the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) believed, it would have been better for them”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:110].



Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

 

[glo]

I understood that Steve was more concerned about his non-believing father's afterlife than his own.
Are there prayers he can say for his deceased father's salvation?

peace.

 

[Abdul Fattah]

Yes the main issue I hoped to discuss here was that I fear for my late father's afterlife.
Thanks for your all of your replies everyone.

 

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


Brother, i strongly urge you to read this article because you're not alone in this. The same situation happened to our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) so this situation may help you feel better, you're not alone...

The Year of Grief
http://www.allaahuakbar.net/muhammad/year_of_grief.htm


Allaah Almighty is the best of Helpers..


:wasalamex

 

[bint_muhammed]

thats sooo sad, you made me cry man! you know Allah is the judge of who enters and who doesnt enter paradise! we have been given many stories scenarios or whateva you may call it, where people who werent very good or muslims enterd paradise by a small deed, with which allah granted heaven. just pray that alllah have mercy upon him and with a sincere heart inshallah allah will give him good!

 

[snakelegs]

i'm not a muslim (obviously) but i have a strong feeling that you should make dua for your father - for your own healing process. it may help you fully forgive him too.

 

[hanah_06]

w/salam
ameen to all the duas.
Im really sorry to hear this bro. May Allah bless him and forgive him.
Inshallah I will keep your father in my duas.

 

[aishaazher]

this is sooooo sad...you should really make duaa for him....and insha'allah, allah will forgive him

 

[F.Y.]

Salam steve
It was very touching to read your story - thankyou so much for sharing it with us.
When Abu Talib was on his death bed, the Prophet entered his room where he saw Aby Jahl and Abdullah bin Abi Omaiyah. He asked his uncle: My uncle make a profession there is no true god but Allah and I will bear testimony before Allah (of your being a believer).
Abu Jahl and Abdullah bin Abi Omaiyah told him not to bear witness and not to abandon the religion of his ancestors.
When Abu Talib refused to say the shahada, the Prophet said "By Allah, I will persistently beg pardon for you till I am forbidden to do so by Allah."

Al Abbas bin Abdul Muttalib said to the Prophet (saw) that "You have not been able to avail your uncle through Allah...." The Prophet (saw) said, "He is in a shallow fire, and had it not been for me, he would have been at the bottom of the Hell fire".
Abu Said Al-Khudri narrated that he heard the Prophet (saw) saying when the mention of his uncle was made,"I hope my intercession may avail him, and he be placed in a shallow fire that rises up only to his heels."
(The Sealed Nectar - book)

So as you can see since Abu Talib stuck to the paganism of his ancestors, he did not achieve complete success. What you went through with your dad sounds very terrifying and it cant have been easy for you. Re-living the memories must also be really difficult....the scars still remain. The truth is, your dad probably hadn't even heard of Islam and it's message. Maybe you can ask Allah to forgive your dad based on that fact that he hadnt even got to learn Islam and if he were alive today you probably would have given dawah to him. Allah knows everything that is going on in your heart, so even if you cant say it in words or explain yourself in your dua, Allah still knows your wishes and desires. Mayeb you can write down everything you want for your dad or wouldve done for him if he were alive today, so its easier for you to ask Allah when you make dua. Ask Allah to show mercy on your father who didnt know Islam. Can you think of some nice things your dad did for you? Mayeb you could say that your dad was a good person in some ways and he cared deep down. Tell Allah that your dad is still a human, His creation. Allah created your dad too. So ask Allah to forgoe or at least decrease his punishment because you, as a believer in the Oneness of Allah and his last Prophet (saw), love your dad and want to help your dad since he brought you up in your childhood.
Hope that helps a bit.
Peace

 

[muslim_friend]

Very sad.. While one thing that Allah can give you in this life is comfort of heart.. pray for it.. I hope your dad believed in one God before he died..

 

[Abdul Fattah]

i'm not a muslim (obviously) but i have a strong feeling that you should make dua for your father - for your own healing process. it may help you fully forgive him too.

Well my healing 's quite ok, I moved on, it's been 4 or 5 years ago. I have long before he died forgiven him for the things he did. Muy only problem really is my fear for his afterlife.

Again, thanks for all of your responses.

 

[Dawud_uk]

Well my healing 's quite ok, I moved on, it's been 4 or 5 years ago. I have long before he died forgiven him for the things he did. Muy only problem really is my fear for his afterlife.

Again, thanks for all of your responses.

assalaamu alaykum steve,

i really feel for you, but this is something every revert but the most fortunate and blessed go through, and the something only the most unfortunate raised muslim must go through which is the death of a non-muslim and dealing with this.

it seems harsh, but when someone dies a non-muslim then their final destination is clear, you may pray for them before they die but once they have died then they are in the hellfire and the previous prophets were forbidden to pray for them such as ibrahim (as) being forbidden to pray for his father.

this is something very difficult to deal with, but we must love for the sake of Allah and if someone dies a non-muslim then they can never repent, never turn back to the true path and will reside in the hellfire and this is the status of my grandmother and the status of all our relatives who die without accepting islam.

may Allah grant you patience, it is difficult to deal with this but when you come to a strong love of Allah, so you love what he loves and hate what he hates then it becomes easier to bare such burdens.

i was always my grandmothers favourite and visited her when few of her other grandkids did and loved her deeply but when she died it didnt hurt anywhere near as much as i thought it would because i know that Allah had given her opportunity to accept islam but she had refused to even discuss the true deen of mankind so her mistakes were her own.

i cherish her memory but she died an enemy of Allah, therefore an enemy of mine and someone who i am certain of her final destination as it is possible to be, though it is possible she may have accepted islam on her death bed and this is how you will how to come to regard your father also as hard as that is, much harder than dealing with a grandparent and i dont envy you that test from Allah but Allah only tests those he loves.

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

 

[Ghazi]

assalaamu alaykum steve,

i really feel for you, but this is something every revert but the most fortunate and blessed go through, and the something only the most unfortunate raised muslim must go through which is the death of a non-muslim and dealing with this.

it seems harsh, but when someone dies a non-muslim then their final destination is clear, you may pray for them before they die but once they have died then they are in the hellfire and the previous prophets were forbidden to pray for them such as ibrahim (as) being forbidden to pray for his father.

this is something very difficult to deal with, but we must love for the sake of Allah and if someone dies a non-muslim then they can never repent, never turn back to the true path and will reside in the hellfire and this is the status of my grandmother and the status of all our relatives who die without accepting islam.

may Allah grant you patience, it is difficult to deal with this but when you come to a strong love of Allah, so you love what he loves and hate what he hates then it becomes easier to bare such burdens.

i was always my grandmothers favourite and visited her when few of her other grandkids did and loved her deeply but when she died it didnt hurt anywhere near as much as i thought it would because i know that Allah had given her opportunity to accept islam but she had refused to even discuss the true deen of mankind so her mistakes were her own.

i cherish her memory but she died an enemy of Allah, therefore an enemy of mine and someone who i am certain of her final destination as it is possible to be, though it is possible she may have accepted islam on her death bed and this is how you will how to come to regard your father also as hard as that is, much harder than dealing with a grandparent and i dont envy you that test from Allah but Allah only tests those he loves.

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

Mash'Allah I respect your view.

 

[Sis786]

Salaam

Bro im sorry to hear your Story May Allah SWT forgive your father and bless you and give you paitence (Aameen)

 

[~Stranger~]

it seems harsh, but when someone dies a non-muslim then their final destination is clear, you may pray for them before they die but once they have died then they are in the hellfire and the previous prophets were forbidden to pray for them such as ibrahim (as) being forbidden to pray for his father.

alhamdulillah i was waiting for someone to clear this point to the brother. bro ur father died as a non believer and there's nothing u can do to help him now. the prophet tried to make dua and ask Allah to forgive his parents and uncle who died as non believer but Allah forbade him