If you have been reading my previous posts about the problems I am having within my family. Specifically with my sister, you will notice that they have only been escalating. For the past year or so I have been reminiscing and daydreaming/fantasizing about the years of 2006/2007. She was younger back then, there was some semblance of order and happiness in our lives, we would do things as a family, economic times were good. She was respectful and within my parent's control. Most importantly, she had a good respectful relationship with my parents and was a good practicing muslim who would pray regularly and focus on academics.
Today, she resembles a monster. I am afraid of her and even talking to her. I fear upsetting her as the way she lashes out on me could be very detrimental (jumping out of the car, calling the cops on me and accusing me of beating her, etc.) She has become very powerful and various sources are to blame. Also as an update, she has been to a psychiatrist and has been going to regular therapy. She has been diagnosed with depressive disorder and is seeking treatment.
However, she is still very angry at my mother for originally switching the schools. Since the end of September, she has had minimal contact with my mother. My mom is trying to save the family and be a better mom, but whenever she tries to connect or even go upstairs to my sisters room, my sister responds by saying " I hate you, B****, F*** off, I hope you die!" This just breaks my heart. The way my sister yells is also very frightening and has a bad impact on the peace of the house. Especially my 9 year old brother, who is getting influences by this as he sees her going without punishment or reprimand and thinks its okay to be disobedient and use foul language/be abusive. I think this pushes my mom away even further and into more depression and she seeks outside resources as my father is always with my sister. My mom is going through menopause so this is a tough time for her. My father is 52 and since my sister won't lift a finger to do her laundry, eat food at home, or even get her backpack, and she won't let anyone but dad do it, she tires him out. My dad was gasping for air the other day and I am worried.
Lastly, it is likely that if I want to continue and matriculate into Medical school next year, it will be out of state. This is due to my MCAT scores not being competitive for California. However, if I wait, I can retake it and stay. My dad says that I should just forget about this family and focus on myself. My mom says it as well. Everyone says it. However, I am the central helper of the family. I help my parents and my brother and help with house chores. I keep things together. I have come to the realization that my sister won't do anything to help out and will just leave when she turns 18. However, the damage that she will do to my parent's health is what scares me.
Medical school is 4 years long, I have a genuine constant fear that within that time if I am not around my brother will fall behind in academics, my father will be so overwhelmed with financial stress and stress/exhaustion from doing my sisters chores/house chores and dealing with the stress of my brothers academics that he will not survive or will be in seriously bad health. I fear my mom's health will deteriorate and she will lose mental sanity from all the mental abuse she gets and I am also fearful that my brother will rebel and become bad because he is not given enough attention due to my sister getting most of my dad's attention. I just will be overwhlemed with this fear that I don't think I will be able to perform optimally somewhere else.
As you can tell, I am very overwhelmed and filled with these negative thoughts and fears. I hope and wish that they aren't true, but nothing that I am experiencing is giving me any hope. I know that there is no way to go back in time, I keep on reminiscing about the past...kind a like the Gatsby in the Great Gatsby book. Seriously, I was looking at some pics when we first moved into our house. I can hear the laughter and joy when we celebrated birthday's/holiday's and had family dinners together. I wish there was a way to bring that back. I want the love and bond in our family to be restored. I honestly wish there was something I could recite? It would be a true miracle to go back and I would give anything to do it? I want my sister, brother, mother and father to be healthy, successful and prosperous and most of all happy...I would sacrifice anything for that.
Any special dua's or rituals you can suggest? I am really desparate.
