Engagement called off

[Naaamir95]

Salam,

I was recently in a relationship (halal) with someone I was suppose to get engaged to. Our family’s got along well, we were very compatible and we did everything correct in the eyes of Allah. He’s someone who brought me closer to Allah, strengthened my deen and motivated me in many aspects. A week before the engagement he called it off with no valid reason. It was based off a gut feeling. We both prayed istikarah many times through the relationship and only good things came with it. After loosing him, I felt a disconnect from Allah, I try very hard to feel what I used to feel but cannot. I still pray 5 times a day and do my best but it’s not there for me anymore. I can’t focus on my prayers and I don’t have the same discipline I used to have and I want it back yet it feels so hard to achieve. They say that a person who brings you closer to Allah is a blessing and when Allah takes something away from you it’s for the best but why don’t I feel the connection with Allah anymore? It’s been two months since my split and I’m more upset over the fact that I lost my connection with Allah then my relationship.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salam,

I was recently in a relationship (halal) with someone I was suppose to get engaged to. Our family’s got along well, we were very compatible and we did everything correct in the eyes of Allah. He’s someone who brought me closer to Allah, strengthened my deen and motivated me in many aspects. A week before the engagement he called it off with no valid reason. It was based off a gut feeling. We both prayed istikarah many times through the relationship and only good things came with it. After loosing him, I felt a disconnect from Allah, I try very hard to feel what I used to feel but cannot. I still pray 5 times a day and do my best but it’s not there for me anymore. I can’t focus on my prayers and I don’t have the same discipline I used to have and I want it back yet it feels so hard to achieve. They say that a person who brings you closer to Allah is a blessing and when Allah takes something away from you it’s for the best but why don’t I feel the connection with Allah anymore? It’s been two months since my split and I’m more upset over the fact that I lost my connection with Allah then my relationship.

Wa Alaikum Assalaam.

My sister much of the time things may happen to us throughout our lives that we may not understand at the time but later on after much reflection and contemplation we realise that not only was it for the best but it could have saved us from a far worse situation down the line. I know of many cases where engagements were called off and It actually happened to a close friend of mine many years ago. Afterwards he told me that he found out from her sister that she did not have the right intentions. So essentially he was saved and is now happily married Alhamdulillah.

So know that everything that happens to us happens for the best whether we perceive it at the time or not. Whenever we are looking for a potential spouse then we must never allow ourselves to fall for the person before the Nikah. Also there is no such thing as an engagement in Islam. It is a total waste of time, effort and money to spend on such ceremonies and it can actually lead to one doing haraam as the engaged couple consider themselves as essentially married. In many if these ceremonies you also see such couples holding hands and being affectionate towards one another.

So my sister know that you were potentially saved from a much worse situation somewhere down the line. It is far with rose to be a divorcee and even more difficult when children become involved. So thank Allah abundantly for doing what was best for you. Not many get saved from potentially worse situations after marriage. So you were one of the lucky ones.

Also learn from this and limit private interactions with the potential suitor by ensuring your Mahram is present, whether you speak over the phone, text messages as well as emails. This is only to safeguard you and it is better for you to take such precautions.

Also ensure that you keep things formal until you both do the Nikah. This is because Nikah is not guaranteed after doing an engagement ceremony and some people can take advantage of such a situation and then discard with the engaged person before Nikah. Engagements are also illegitimate in Islam and can destroy us recieving blessings in our pursuit of marriage by having such ceremonies as shaythan will remain the third person in any interactions.

So my sister do not allow shaythan to make you feel disillusioned and prevent you from being closer to Allah. Ramadan is upon us and this is the perfect opportunity for us to start preparing now so that we can make the best of this blessed month in connecting to Allah through the prayers, his book, his glorification and through his remembrance:

Everything you need to make this the best Ramadan EVER!

Allah truly loves you and all of us and he wants us to be closer to him. So we must thank him and repent into him continuously so that we can get closer to him. We must never allow the shaythan who is our sworn enemy to use certain events in our lives to try and detract us from getting closer to Allah and from the right path. His only aim is for us to fail in this life. So let us walk towards Allah so that he runs towards us.

May Allah enable you to find a good pious partner and for you to be closer to Allah. Ameen