expectations not met in marriage

[Salahudeen]

Are you Indian?

These kind of family politics are in all families. I've seen and met worst white families.

no I'm Pakistani, I wouldn't know if it exists in other families since I don't have much contact with non pakistani families. So I can only speak from personal experience.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salaam,

I have now been married for over a year now. My husband always been very controlling and whatever he wants he must get it his way. We live with the inlaws and my life is hell with them. The MIL and SIL hate me and the mother cannot stand me spending any time with my husband.

Me and my husband both have well paid jobs and have a really reasonable income together and individually. But he refuses to move out of the house as he would like to stay at home and look after the parents - even though this is possible living in seperate housing.

I have no space or privacy and when i want to spend time with my husband he always goes and spends it with the family. I try to help my MIL as much as i can by doing household chores. She brainwashes my husband - everytime me and him speak she interupts and always has her say in our business. iF I mention this to him he says i am selfish and will say other things to upset me.

When i tell him lets go out lets do this he only accepts when nobody is at home otherwise we are not allowed to do anything together. The house is always overcrowded and i feel i cant breathe at times.

What shall i do? other married women out there would you put up with this??

I am now pregnant and i feel tired all the time and feel i cant do this anymore he is not meeting my needs.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazkallah khayran for sharing your issue with us. My sister it is important for all of us before we get married to know what our rights are. This is so that the husband and wife can be aware of what each others rights are. Your husband should realise that it is your right to have adequate living space where you an have privacy. It is also your right that your husband spend quality time with you.

You should sit him down and have a serious word with him about your feelings and that you feel that he is not fulfilling your rights. Do not become argumentative and do not shout but say it in a firm manner so he knows your serious. If he starts saying your selfish etc then make him realise how serious you are that you have even contemplated divorce. This will make him realise his actions and make him think twice before going off on one.

Make him realise that he must not disregard what you say but take it seriously and that you are feeling as though he is not fulfilling your rights. If he still does not want to listen then you should consider talking to an elder or respected member of the family who can mediate things between you. You should also seek advice from a learned and experienced scholar as he would advise you best on what steps to take. The scholar should also have a serious word with your husband in regards to the rights of a wife and that he must fulfil them.

Take the right steps and ask of Allah sincerely to help you and to make your husband realise your rights and for him to take you more seriously. I pray that whatever is best happens for you inshallah.

And Allah knows best in all matters