Family Issues

AnonymousPoster

AnonymousPoster

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I’m writing here to ask for advice, the situation basically is that my brother has left his wife and everyone has taken it really bad.
They’ve been married for a year and half but she has only been in county for a year at the end of this month.
Yes it was arranged to the extent where mum and dad said they would like him to marry in Pak. He then had the final word and agreed to her, he spoke to her before hand and they decided to go for it.
He knew the implications and stuff and how Asians marriages tend to be… anyways he agreed and it was really good, they were really happy MashAllah, went away after the wedding, and when he came to England he wanted to go back out there to be with her as he missed her so much. However ever since his wife come to England, he’s been off her and don’t care about anything. He won’t come home or see our parents.
He wont talk to her or anything, she is now at home with us and he has said the marriage is over. He met my dad and said he will never come home and is moving away..
My parents are distraught, his wife is lost, he agreed to all this and now he’s doin this, if he speaks and makes us understand then we could maybe learn to cope but he is not talking to us at all.
My parents are soo upset, not only has this messed up the family as a daughters life has been messed up but also losin a son..
Mum, dad, his wife and I are practising, pray and read Qu’ran.. we’re prayin for some guidance.. how do we overcome this? How can I take my parents pain away? Its soo hard to see them like this.. How can we make my brother see sense, see the affects of all this.. not being funny, but he’s walked away from this, whilst the rest of us have to pick up the pieces and deal with the affects on everyone. He needs to speak to his wife and be open with her, but hes left us to do the dirty work and explain it..
This is soo hard
Please pray for us..
 
I'm sorry that your family and you are going through this. In my opinion, there is probably nothing that you can do as far as your brother is concerned. That is probably the hardest thing to accept and maybe why it is so painful. As much as we would like to at times, we do not have control over other people or how or why they do certain things. I understand that it hurts but alhumdulillah that you all have each other to comfort each other. It will take time to heal but insha'Allah it will get better everyday.
Has your brother actually divorced his wife? I know you said that he said the marriage is over but I think HE is the one who needs to tell his wife that. That's not really a message that gets passed. If he doesn't want to be with her for whatever reason, then I hope he will be grown up enough to tell her the right way so she can move on and you all can move on.
Whatever his reasons are, that is between Allah and him.

May Allah make it easy for you all. Ameen.
 
I am sad for you to hear this, may Allah help your family and guide your brother. Ameen
Have you tried asking your local iman about this situation. I really wish I could advise you, but I have no knowledge on these subjects. Again, may Allah (swt) help you in these difficult times.
 
AnonymousGender said:
I’m writing here to ask for advice, the situation basically is that my brother has left his wife and everyone has taken it really bad.
They’ve been married for a year and half but she has only been in county for a year at the end of this month.
Yes it was arranged to the extent where mum and dad said they would like him to marry in Pak. He then had the final word and agreed to her, he spoke to her before hand and they decided to go for it.
He knew the implications and stuff and how Asians marriages tend to be… anyways he agreed and it was really good, they were really happy MashAllah, went away after the wedding, and when he came to England he wanted to go back out there to be with her as he missed her so much. However ever since his wife come to England, he’s been off her and don’t care about anything. He won’t come home or see our parents.
He wont talk to her or anything, she is now at home with us and he has said the marriage is over. He met my dad and said he will never come home and is moving away..
My parents are distraught, his wife is lost, he agreed to all this and now he’s doin this, if he speaks and makes us understand then we could maybe learn to cope but he is not talking to us at all.
My parents are soo upset, not only has this messed up the family as a daughters life has been messed up but also losin a son..
Mum, dad, his wife and I are practising, pray and read Qu’ran.. we’re prayin for some guidance.. how do we overcome this? How can I take my parents pain away? Its soo hard to see them like this.. How can we make my brother see sense, see the affects of all this.. not being funny, but he’s walked away from this, whilst the rest of us have to pick up the pieces and deal with the affects on everyone. He needs to speak to his wife and be open with her, but hes left us to do the dirty work and explain it..
This is soo hard
Please pray for us..
Click to expand...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, I think you should get an elder of the family or community to get him to sit down so that you can all talk about what the issues are. Maybe this way he may open up. Also it is best to get advice from a scholar on this issue as it is quite strange how he has gone off her just like that.

Do you know if he's seeing anyone else? Also i would'nt rule out the possibility of black magic because if it is not like him to act like this then it may be a possibility because a lot of jealous families in Pakistan do use black magic especially in regards to jealousy. But i don't think we should assume anything at this stage without concrete evidance. You must try and get hold of a reliable and experienced scholar as soon as you can as he would advice you best of what to do in this situation.

If you need help looking for one around your area then please let me know.
Just continue to make dua to Allah and be patient and re-assure your wife to keep hope, faith and reliance in Allah. Whatever is best will happen inshallah.
 
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if he came home from pakistan with his wife and all of a sudden felt like this then i say its cos of the bad eyes they were getting over there and the people say envy can break a rock and its true. id also get him checked out for black magic
 
last night my mum come to me crying her eyes out, i have tried to talk to my bro but he dont wana no, he's told me he'l change his number and we will have no way of gettin in contact with him. He lives in another town and is due to move again but we dont no where.
I cant ease my parents pain, to have them come to me the youngest and plead me to do something, its out this world to cope with..
My brother will not talk to anyone, when my dad met him, he told my brother that our mum wants him to come and see her, his reply was mum can come see me in the cafe,, since when does a mother have to go see her own son in public and he cant come home.. mum's distroyed by this.. my parents now have to take on the responsibilty of their daughter in law, and financially they cannot do it, without workin, they are old and should have their kids provide for them, all my brothers are useless and left my parents to cope on their own, as a daughter i feel i can only do so much and cannot fill their sons boots no matter how hard i try... i cant fill that void in their life.
how can we bring our brother, son back to be a part of the family.
there is no-one that we know that can tell us about black magic.
:cry: my mum wants the love of her sons, shes done so much for all of us.. i cant believe we are havin to deal with this, i have to see my mum in so much pain when my brother has just walkd away from it all..
 
bro did u pray istikaara ? and asked dua ?

if u din do then my suggestion is pray istikaara and first ask allah

that is the first thing I did when I was in trouble !!!

this is just a suggestion ok
 
AnonymousGender said:
last night my mum come to me crying her eyes out, i have tried to talk to my bro but he dont wana no, he's told me he'l change his number and we will have no way of gettin in contact with him. He lives in another town and is due to move again but we dont no where.
I cant ease my parents pain, to have them come to me the youngest and plead me to do something, its out this world to cope with..
My brother will not talk to anyone, when my dad met him, he told my brother that our mum wants him to come and see her, his reply was mum can come see me in the cafe,, since when does a mother have to go see her own son in public and he cant come home.. mum's distroyed by this.. my parents now have to take on the responsibilty of their daughter in law, and financially they cannot do it, without workin, they are old and should have their kids provide for them, all my brothers are useless and left my parents to cope on their own, as a daughter i feel i can only do so much and cannot fill their sons boots no matter how hard i try... i cant fill that void in their life.
how can we bring our brother, son back to be a part of the family.
there is no-one that we know that can tell us about black magic.
:cry: my mum wants the love of her sons, shes done so much for all of us.. i cant believe we are havin to deal with this, i have to see my mum in so much pain when my brother has just walkd away from it all..
Click to expand...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, how about getting an elder of the family or community to intervene and mediate this situation between your family and brother?

Also if you tell me the town or city your from and i'll try and locate a scholar and pass his details to you because he would give you the best advice in regards to this situation.

Here is how you pray Isthikhara: http://makkah.wordpress.com/2006/12/25/before-any-major-decision-pray-salat-ul-istikhara/

Meanwhile continue with your Salah and pray Nawafil aswell. Also Recite the Qur'an, do dhikrullah constantly and make dua to Allah as much as you can and you will have the help of Allah!
 

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