feel like i'm complicating my world

[Son Of Wisdom]

Salam bros and sisters,

I feel there is something wrong in my personality but can't exactly know what is it as i'm not knowledgeable in psychological issues.

the main point is that i've tendency to complicate things that are by nature easy. I suspect this behavior raised when i integrated an engineering school where i had to spend long hours of my days solving complex and hard mathematics and physics problems. I remember i was aware of this situation when i was in the university . for all the written exams in math & physics i passed during this period -back the the 1990s- i usually failed to solve the easy questions that most of my colleagues get right and earned full points easily for those medium complex questions. however i stupidly got these questions wrong and loose those easy to earn points..on the other side i was able to go a long way in solving hard and complex questions..but because those were quit hard i got them half solved and end up loosing those points too or getting half credits for them..and thus my grades were not very satisfactory compared to my peers..
This behavior is not only in my academic life . it grows as a general behavior in most of my social and emotional life. i tend to see every event or situation in my life as a hard and complex problem to solve. Thus i ended up having real problems in my social and emotional life and started to fail a lot in my life.
i still can't understand why i have this way of thinking and looking to the world? why am i failing to deal with easy situations that most average people got right easily.
i remember a note that one of my professors wrote as a comment to one of my papers..and i'm quoting what he said as it explains well the way i tend to think and work in my life.

When I review your code and comments, I can't help to think that those are the work of an amateur. It reminds me of watching a talented amateur tennis player playing matches without a good coach.

This tennis player is quite talented, he could from time to time save some very hard to return shots. However, his footwork is no good. Often, he serves in awkward position with the consequense that when his opponent return his serves, he has to spent more effort than necessary to return the shots.

Worse, he plays badly in a game of double with a partner. Again, the same problem with the "footwork". He always stand in some awkward positions that is too close to his partner. Their oppenents could seize the opportunity to return a shots in such a way that it lands on a place where the talented player posed an obstacle for his partnet to chase the ball.

Of course this talented tennis player does not know his deficiencies because he is too involved in the game as a player and could not see some obvious thing that an outsider could see easily.

i tend to agree he was right in what he said. However i don't know what is the problem with me and how i can deal and recover from this awkward and unhealthy way of thinking and living.

 

[Raudha]

Brother, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to feel as though you have a personality disorder, although it doesn't sound as severe from you explanation. Sometimes these "careless" mistakes are just a phase that we go through.

From my part, all I can suggest is that you stay calm and take your time before acting out what your mind instantly tells you to do. Try to think ahead about the consequences of your actions - try to see the bigger picture before taking a step forward.

But if you feel that your problem is still persisting then I suggest you see a psychologist. This could be a little problem that is easy to solve but can take you a long way in gaining success. Needing to see a psychologist or psychiatrist does not mean you're crazy - as many people tend to think. It will help you to identify the cause of your behaviour and also to find alternative methods of dealing with crucial situations.

May Allah grant you success in this world and in the hereafter and keep you happy. Ameen.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Assalamu aleikum Sister,

Brother, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to feel as though you have a personality disorder, although it doesn't sound as severe from you explanation. Sometimes these "careless" mistakes are just a phase that we go through.

Yes I feel i improved much in my academic and professional work and i'm no more doing these careless mistakes as frequently as i was in early nineteens.However I feel in my social and emotional life i didn't improved much and i'm yet repeating those same careless mistakes .

From my part, all I can suggest is that you stay calm and take your time before acting out what your mind instantly tells you to do. Try to think ahead about the consequences of your actions - try to see the bigger picture before taking a step forward.

Very good advise. however this needs lot of practice and training. it is not a trivial thing and needs much work.

But if you feel that your problem is still persisting then I suggest you see a psychologist. This could be a little problem that is easy to solve but can take you a long way in gaining success. Needing to see a psychologist or psychiatrist does not mean you're crazy - as many people tend to think. It will help you to identify the cause of your behaviour and also to find alternative methods of dealing with crucial situations.

I do feel i have a problem. but not sure if i can rely on psychiatrist to help me. as I don't want to go through the vicious cycle of chemical medications as i heard those psychiatrist drugs are dangerous and have a bad reputation.

May Allah grant you success in this world and in the hereafter and keep you happy. Ameen.

Ameen Sister jazaki Allahu khayran.

 

[Snowflake]

I do feel i have a problem. but not sure if i can rely on psychiatrist to help me. as I don't want to go through the vicious cycle of chemical medications as i heard those psychiatrist drugs are dangerous and have a bad reputation.

No bro, there is help without the use of drugs. There is a form of counselling called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It aims to help you tackle problems by introducing you to techniques that change the way you think and behave. You can ask your GP make a referal inshaAllah.

I don't know much about CBT. You can read about it here.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx

 

[Yanal]

This is not a hard phase to get by my brother. You have to think of things as easy as pie. Keep getting motivated and when doing something you know it's easy make somone yell and motivate you. Which eventually will cause you to redem that bad habit and get into this good one insh'Allah.

 

[Raudha]

No bro, there is help without the use of drugs. There is a form of counselling called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It aims to help you tackle problems by introducing you to techniques that change the way you think and behave. You can ask your GP make a referal inshaAllah.

I don't know much about CBT. You can read about it here.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx

Jazakillah sister. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is actually more effective and preferred than drugs. In fact, I think drugs are only used as a last resort - if you are suffering from a behavioural disorder. That is why I suggested that you go to a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist.

Very good advise. however this needs lot of practice and training. it is not a trivial thing and needs much work.

Yes brother, but patience, along with dua and constant motivation, will get you there InshaAllah.

 

[alcurad]

I do relate to this to an extent, methinks it might have something to do with 'direction' or rather it's lack.
try to stick to the point, as in don't oversimplify/over edit but also be don't beat round the bush, maybe it also has something to do with you not being 100% sure of what to do/say:?

try hard, give it time and you'll where you want to be iA ,,

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

No bro, there is help without the use of drugs. There is a form of counselling called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It aims to help you tackle problems by introducing you to techniques that change the way you think and behave. You can ask your GP make a referal inshaAllah.

I don't know much about CBT. You can read about it here.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx

Thank you sister for pointing out the "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" option. i actually heard of it but don't really know what it is exactly.
do you think bros and sisters that my case is really serious and worth trying the CBT? Well one could say it depends on how you feel. i would say , i don't really feel good inside my skin. something wrong going out here and I hope Allah swt would help me overcome this.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

 

[alcurad]

go ahead if you really feel the need, it's really up to you.

 

[Snowflake]

do you think bros and sisters that my case is really serious and worth trying the CBT?

Yes, because it affects you enough to have asked for advice. We can for many years put off professional help because we think our problem isn't important enough. But if it affects our daily life, then it becomes important. We can learn to live with our anxieties/fears/problems, but why not get help and be free of them.

Take me for instance, for 11 years, I've suffered from an extreme fear regarding my son. I didn't get help. Although my fears have now lessened, there still are days when I will close the front door after him when he leaves fo school an awful thought enters my head and I burst into tears. I can be just standing there by the door crying to Allah to keep him safe. And I never let him leave without reciting Surah's over him. Maybe if I'd got professional help, I would've realised years ago that my fears are unfounded. To me they seem very real, to the point that a frightful thought can make me almost scream out. I know it's adhering to my religious duties and making endless duaas and by the blessings and mercy of Allah's subhanawa ta ala that has saved me and my son.


Khayr, don't wait for years like me. Go for it bro. I pray Allah makes it beneficial for you. Ameen.

 

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
Just a wild guess, but try this test inshaAllah:
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Ps,if this is what you have, you're not alone ^_^
My scores:

Your Aspie score: 177 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 32 of 200​

 

[Sampharo]

Sounds to me you just need what that tennis player in your quote needed: A coach, teacher and a mentor.

Maybe the solution to THIS problem too can also be easier than you think?

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Sounds to me you just need what that tennis player in your quote needed: A coach, teacher and a mentor.

Maybe the solution to THIS problem too can also be easier than you think?

the problem is where to find this coach ,teacher and a mentor? I'm all alone in this world and few people do care about me. So I have to learn by myself and that's why i'm doing lots of mistakes all along my journey.this is the price one pays for not being lucky enough to have a good coach in this life!

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Yes, because it affects you enough to have asked for advice. We can for many years put off professional help because we think our problem isn't important enough. But if it affects our daily life, then it becomes important. We can learn to live with our anxieties/fears/problems, but why not get help and be free of them.

Take me for instance, for 11 years, I've suffered from an extreme fear regarding my son. I didn't get help. Although my fears have now lessened, there still are days when I will close the front door after him when he leaves fo school an awful thought enters my head and I burst into tears. I can be just standing there by the door crying to Allah to keep him safe. And I never let him leave without reciting Surah's over him. Maybe if I'd got professional help, I would've realised years ago that my fears are unfounded. To me they seem very real, to the point that a frightful thought can make me almost scream out. I know it's adhering to my religious duties and making endless duaas and by the blessings and mercy of Allah's subhanawa ta ala that has saved me and my son.


Khayr, don't wait for years like me. Go for it bro. I pray Allah makes it beneficial for you. Ameen.

Yes sister ,it's really a horrible feeling to live with these fears that haunt you all along your life. I pray Allah for both of us sister .

 

[Snowflake]

JazakAllahu khayr bro. May I ask if you checked the link posted by bro Abdul Fattah? I took the test and although it is not official it may give some indication of how likely a person is to have Aspergers Syndrome. I felt embarrassed to post my findings lol until told that is doesn't mean I'm mad, but just that I think differently. Or my brain works differently. :-[

My score was

Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


I am considering going for an official test so that I can be properly diagnosed. I wonder how you feel about considering having Aspergers? Would you consider doing the unofficial test?

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

JazakAllahu khayr bro. May I ask if you checked the link posted by bro Abdul Fattah? I took the test and although it is not official it may give some indication of how likely a person is to have Aspergers Syndrome. I felt embarrassed to post my findings lol until told that is doesn't mean I'm mad, but just that I think differently. Or my brain works differently. :-[

My score was

Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


I am considering going for an official test so that I can be properly diagnosed. I wonder how you feel about considering having Aspergers? Would you consider doing the unofficial test?

Hi sister,
i didn't yet taken the test at the link posted by brother Abdul Fattah. i'll do that shortly and post my results here too.
I think you are right .this unofficial test might not be a precise indication that you have Aspergers syndrom. have you consulted a psychiatrist before sister? I think from what you described in you previous post about the fears about your son; it seems to be those are symptoms of Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder
probably i'm not the right person to give an advice like this but i think sister you should also consider visiting a psychiatrist to help you get rid of those fears. I'm too considering doing so. i don't feel ashamed of my emotional problems. what is important for me is to find someone warm and carrying who could help me get rid of these emotional problems.
I pray Allah for both of us sister. May allah give us the peace of mind and soul Ammen.

 

[Snowflake]

MashaAllah. I'm pleased you're willing to do the test. It means you are facing your problems head on. The only way from here is up, inshaAllah.

I've never consulted a psychi before, but I am considering the aspie test. I don't think my fears regarding my son are related to OCD. I don't have symptoms typical of O.C.D. like having to touch objects a certain number of times, cleaning obsessively, checking and rechecking things etc. Unbelievably as if on cue, just a day after I posted my fears I read about a woman who had the same thing as me. Can you imagine it was post-natal depression?! Usually, in it's commonly known form women have trouble bonding with their child. But in this case, the problem stems from over-bonding. SubhanAllah. I believe this is what happened to me. In fact I have no doubt about it. But khayr, by Allah's help and mercy, everything runs it's course, and I feel this nightmare is too, coming to an end for me. I do have bad days. But it is nothing compard to the bad 24/7/365's I used to have. I'm sure as time goes by, I will still worry, but inshaAllah, it will be a natural state of worry as all mothers' feel and not the paralysing fear, I've lived with for the past 11 years.


InshaAllah, we are here for you bro. Please keep sharing your progress with us. We are all brothers and sisters and will try our best to help. May Allah's mercy be with us all. Ameen.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Salam brothers and sisters,
I took the unofficial asperger's test proposed by brother abdul fatah.
i'm posting my results below. and yes i'm an spie if this test is correct and precise in detecting the asperger's syndrome.
I knew it a long time before that i'm having serious emaotional problems. but i don't think i'll be lucky to find a smart and excellent doctor to help me. There are few reliable and good doctors in this feild in my country. so It is likely that my pains will continue for the rest of my life and there is nothing to do about it except being patient and praying to Allah subhanahu wa taala.
-----------------------
Your Aspie score: 158 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 35 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

 

[crayon]

Not to sidetrack the thread, but is there any link that describes how to interpret the graph? I did the quiz, and I'm not too sure what each category stands for, what it all means.

 

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
Don't worry Othman, If you find someone to help you with this, that's good. But If you don't; remember that the cool thing about aspergers syndrome, is that we're usually smart enough to manage and cope by ourself without the help of counsellors and what you have. Before this disorder was well-known many aspergers lived a very full and happy life without even being diagnosed.
Just buy some books on the subject, look up some sites, and inshaAllah you'll learn to deal with things from there. If you have any specific questions no matter what, you can always contact me ^_^
I've read quite a bit on the subject already.

Not to sidetrack the thread, but is there any link that describes how to interpret the graph? I did the quiz, and I'm not too sure what each category stands for, what it all means.

Left side is neurotypical (=fancy word for, as in the majority of people)
Right side is autistic

Then 12 different traits are examined in this left vs right diagram, these traits are:
Neurotypical Talent
Autistic Talent
Neurotypical compulsive behaviour
Autistic Compulsive behaviour
Neurotypical social skills
Autistic activity
Neurotypical communication skills
Autistic communication skills
Neurotypical hunting
Autistic hunting
Neurotypical perception
Autistic perception.
For example in Othman's diagram, he has a very low neurotipical talent (1.2 or something) but a very high autistic talent (7.5) which explains why he couldn't answer the easy questions of his exams, but (given enough time) has no problems with those that are considered harder by the majority of people.

As for what the different traits refer to. After getting your results, scroll down and you can see which questions refered to which trait, and whether your answer was autistic or neurotypical.