Final decision!!!

[AnonymousPoster]

Assalama caleykum brothers and sisters.

I have written to you for a while now about my problems at home with my father.

I propose to him about a man that i have known that is interested in marrying me. I am more than willing to marry him because he is religious, well mannered and educated.

I have told my father that I want to get married to this guy and he asked me what tribe he was. I told him and he off the bat said NO. Just because of his tribe. I pleaded and begged and cried and he still wont budge.

I dont know what to do because we had a talk about a week ago and he said "you can do whatever you want but if you marry that guy our relationship is over" I said that is wrong father and how can you judge him because of him tribe and why dont you see and meet him before you make this decision. He said thathe doesnt want to meet this guy and that he knows the marriage will go bad.

I ask him to not speak of the future because ppl get married and divorced (etc My mom and him) and things happen so if he could just give him the chance. He said absolutely not. My brother tried talking to him and telling him that let her get married and get to the know the guy. Still same answer.

What hurts me the most is that i said to him " what if the marriage is a successful one and what if he is good to me and his family" he said i will make dua for you but i still wont talk to you.

I am so mad because i love my father and i help him so much and today i bring a man to him and he says NO without even meeting him. I have to choose now and am torn between the two. I love this guy and he is patient with me but he keeps saying i will wait but how long do you want me to wait because your father will never change his mind.

I ask my brother if he couls be my wali if i get married and he said he would. I dont know what to do because i cant picture myself not having my father a part of my life. I cant picture the guy out of my life as well.

I prayed and made duaah and prayed istikhaar am just hurt, i dont know who to turn to for help. My father is very hardheaded.:grumblingimsad:yawn:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

any advice would be appreciated.

jazakullah khayr.

 

[KashifB]

Not really advice but if I was in this situation, I personally would side with my father. I cannot take the risk of having my father not speak to me for any reason. I love him too much.

 

[Mikayeel]

First ur dad is really doing this for a good reason, most likely the experience he has, so his intention is pure it is to protect and grant u a better life. There shouldn't be such a thing as race/tribe discrimination! In fact in islam there is no room for that, so i assume ur dad did not ask about the guys deen, personality?
He was only interested in his tribe???

Well try mentioning the above points to him, inshAllah he should respond well.... However what is this thing about choosing between ur father or the guy u want to marry?? Sister! Regardless of what anyone says to you!! This is your father! How can u just for a split second think of leaving him out of your life...? Please sisterimsad, rethink that agian..! No man will be able to replace ur father! No one... What is there better than having your dad as a wali?? I tell u what.... NOTHING is better....

Wallahi i can't even imagine how hard it must be for u sister being in the position u r in. But take this advice.... have patience with ur dad, have plenty of patience!! Try and talk! Even a hard rock can become soft over time.... Look i can put myself into the postion of ur dad... I raised my daughter, i loved her all that time and then suddenly she is willing to choose a man over me .........a stranger!! The mere thoughts of it

So for ur own sake sister, talk to ur dad, and keep on talking! Regardless of the final outcome, u will be the winner at the end(if not in this world INSHALLAH!! in the next) So keep fighting, keep praying, keep making dua... and u will get through this. Keep ur head up


WaAlykum alsalaam

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakullah khair brother Mikayeel

I truely understand what your saying and there is not better feeling that my own father giving me away.

To be honest he makes my decision a little easier because he does things on purpose. He tries to hurt my feelings intentionally, and i keep thinking am better off. May the shaytaan go away from me because wallahi he makes it hard.

thank you brother.