Forgiveness and Reconciliation

[.iman.]

asalaam 3laykoum

My question is in regards to what extent do we have to "forgive and forget"? Allah SWT teaches us in the Qur'an that we must forgive others. I always tell myself, if Allah SWT can forgive us over and over for the sins that we make, why can't we forgive one another? In regards to marriage, if one partner has done absolutely horrible things to the other... at what point do you know whether to forgive them, and reconcile or not?

 

[.iman.]

.....anyone?

 

[Ali_008]

Walekum as salaam

It is a very good question actually. It is the same thing as drawing a line between tolerance and oppression. As we are talking about marriage (the relation where you have the choice of going for a divorce) then it is allowed to back out from the bond if it turns gruesome for either of the parties.

Forgiveness? Well that depends on the person itself as to how much they are willing to tolerate of their spouse's nonsense. If one keeps patient then it is a good thing but many times Sabr is construed as weakness and that makes you a target of abuse. Only the subject can clearly mark out how far is too far. Every person has a different tolerance level. And sabr is required in this situation to give Dawah and try as hard as possible to bring the convict to the straight path.

Reconciliation? If the guilty is regretful of his past and is trying hard to mend his/her ways then he/she should definitely be given another chance. Mistakes were committed even by our beloved Prophets (PBUT) yet Allah forgave all their sins every time because they were highly repentant about it.

 

[.iman.]

jazakAllahu khair for your response, brother. It is a fine line we have to draw and we have to be the one that decides what is tolerable, and what isn't, which doesn't make it any easier. In regards to forgiving, I think we should all forgive those who wrong us, but in certain circumstances, reconciliation is not possible. I think the only way to know is to do Istikhara and be patient and inshAllah the answer will come.

 

[Riana17]

Salam

I never knew at one point of my life I would forgive my Sister who made my life terrible for almost 3yrs, but alhamdollelah it happened after 5yrs.

Now we are okay, we talk, we are even planning to travel together somewhere nearby for the coming Holidays. She's not my best friend & I dont even share secrets with her, I joke and I treat her good but I put some limit & I am careful, I know what she is capable of doing & my intention is to be PEACE with her forever inshallah, so I should avoid the road to not speaking with her again.

I think it depends on who should be forgiven, if it is your family member its worth to go some extend but if not, there is no need to go extra mile if against your will, just make salam and let go & separate ways, people come & go but relatives are different. But then again, some relatives are really horrible, I know it! but in the end Allah appreciate people with sabr & kind heart.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

asalaam 3laykoum

My question is in regards to what extent do we have to "forgive and forget"? Allah SWT teaches us in the Qur'an that we must forgive others. I always tell myself, if Allah SWT can forgive us over and over for the sins that we make, why can't we forgive one another? In regards to marriage, if one partner has done absolutely horrible things to the other... at what point do you know whether to forgive them, and reconcile or not?

Asalaamu Alaikum, As Muslims we should forgive others if we want forgiveness for ourselves. How can we expect Allah's forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one's enemies is one of the most important Islamic teaching.

Allah says in the Quran: "those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive" (al-Shura 42:37)

The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ALaihi wasallam said: "The best deed before Allah is to pardon a person who has wronged you, to show affection for relatives who have broken ties with you, and to act generously towards a person who has deprived you". Thereafter he recited the following holy verses: "Turn to forgiveness and enjoin good and turn aside from ignorant" (7:199).

Qatadah was asked, “Which person has the highest standing?” He replied, “The one most abundant in his pardon.”

And the great reward given to the one who is forgiving and pardons others...

The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ALaihi Wasallam) was seated in a gathering with the Sahabah when he looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming.” At that instance someone who seemed to be very ordinary entered the mosque where they were seated. A Sahabi was curious as to why the Prophet .‘ said this, so he followed the man to his house. This Sahabi told the man that he was a traveler and stayed as a guest. For three days the Sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought for a long time and said, “There might be one thing — before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart."

Regarding your question about forgiving ones spouse then the way to deal with it depends on the severity of their deeds or actions. One should certainly not be too liberal that ones partner walks over them but one should also not be too extreme or harsh towards ones partner. One should find a middle ground and keep a good balance. If the partner has done many wrongs then they should be told in a firm manner that their behaviour does not befit the way a partner should behave towards the other for what they are doing is committing a major sin. If they keep persisting then other means will have to be used. It really depends on the specific situation.

May Allah give us all the ability to forgive others for the wrong they do to us, and May Allah forgive us all for our sins - Ameen