Full of nicotine already and talking about my previous problem

[emem.masorong]

Astagfirullah... I just read that your life in the aakhira will be dependent upon the struggle you had endowed here on earth. I wanted to commit suicide just now, and was all the way, from the couple of months before until now, thinking and contemplating of it. But sometimes I would do the plan. Wake up at somewhere 2 in the morning, but I would fall asleep as sometimes I would get a lot scared or lazy. I feel gay. But I also know that it is gayer if I quit life. Why do I want to quit life? I've been posting it before and it seems long. Very long. You might not even believe it or understand it immediately or afterwards. If you want to know, there's a thread I posted about it but it's very long: https://www.islamicboard.com/introduce-yourself/134348134-hi.html#post2976904.

Now, the problem I'm having now is me totally addicted to cigarettes like no other. All my smoking family members(all of them experienced smoking, 8 of us, except parents), do not do what I do, as far as I'm concerned. And they even get mad when they know I did it again. What I'm telling is that I pick up second hand cigarettes. I think I am the most addict of all in the family. I even sometimes think I'm so addict than other people besides them. Who would walk from one city to another in the night just to pick up 2nd hand cigarettes on the road when they're out of it? I did that. Just walked.

Now, I don't pray everyday. I prayed before 5 times a day until I got limp and it's on the thread up there. I only pray on Fridays and because of my suicidal tendencies, I sometimes neglect it and become so sluggish, disgusted, helpless, hopeless and lazy.

There are ghosts telling everybody here non-stop since 2013 or 12 what's inside my mind. I can hear them everyday. Maybe they even talk while I'm sleeping because when I wake up there's still there blabbering endlessly. Imagine this happening to you, and you know committing suicide will result to hell because your a Muslim. But I have this question. I read that mentally incapable people are exempted from the punishment. When I think about this, I really feel that I cannot control my own mind like before anymore, because I would need to make them talk at least something, and if they say something stupid to other people around me using my mind, I need to talk again! Irritating! You don't know this hell I'm going through right now, but I hope you understand what I'm saying here. I feel so alone. Why would God do this to me? Why me? Of all creations? Just a 25 year old guy. I'm still living with my family. I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS! I AM NOT TROLLING! THIS IS... REAL!!!

So the questions are:

1. How can I balance this smoking? Btw, I am only smoking 5 cigarettes per day as my sister keeps it. I am limp atm and not allowed to smoke outside as some neighbor on the condo doesn't like it. But how more can I stop picking up 2nd hand cigarettes? I feel a little bit faithless atm. How can I just be normal like other smokers who do not do that and take care of myself? I feel like a Barbarian Muslim Floyd sometimes.

2. Is my situation with the ghosts conducive to make me exempted from the punishment? Imagine someone's endlessly talking out, saying what's inside your mind. You can't just pretend it's not there and you need to talk it out from it whatever, and it feels tiring! So mentally drained and at the end of the day, I feel so tired and helpless and my head hurts. Remember, it is said the mentally incapable people are exempted from hell. Am I one of them? Please... I am crying inside. You don't know how much this torment is doing to me! I wanted to try committing suicide again but I went here. I am not sure if I kill myself, I would be forgiven.

I have only one life to live. But it's all coming back noooooowww..

 

[Scimitar]

Not sure if this is gonna help you. I gave up smoking this year, its been 6 months alhamdulillah, I've not touched a cigarette. And I gave it up "cold turkey". How did I do it?

Well, I am involved in Dawah projects, and during the first few days of ramadhan, I realised that I may have been committing shirk - because I was smoking cigarettes... how is this shirk? you may ask. And you'd do well to ask. Because the answer holds an insight which is rare.

Doing dawah work, we often hear phrases like "servant of Allah" and "slave of God". One evening in the beginning of ramadhan, after iftar time, I lit up a cigarette as I was contemplating the days dawah filming I had done. And I realised I was a slave to cigarettes, not a servant of Allah/slave of Allah. My money was spent on cigarettes, my health spent on it, and my body odour sufferring due to it. I was offending myself and others. And at the same time I was presenting a contradiction. So, in that moment, I got very angry with myself. I had never attempted to give up cigarettes before, and I knew my will power was weak. So I made my appeal to Allah, with the simple words "Ya Allah, help me" and I crushed all my cigarettes up and threw them in the bin.

That was the last time I smoked. It was tough for the first three weeks, but after that it became easier. And easier... and easier. In the past 6 months I've put on 2.5 stones in weight - thats around 16 kilos. And I also do labouring work, so its not all fat, but solid muscle. I can taste food better, my senses are peaking again, i'm sharper, more focused and i'm less stressed, happier alhamdulillah. The best part is, I'm no longer committing shirk by having two masters, today I only a slave/servant to Allah.

And I am happier for it. Alhamdulillah.

If you want to give up smoking, and find a positive addiction - then learn your religion, Islam. and love Allah, fear disappointing HIM, and aim to become close to HIM. Learn the seerah, of the Prophet pbuh, and the first four khalipha. Learn the history of the prophets and messengers pbut. And learn your deen. You will find khushoo - the sweetness of imaan. You will find happiness. Allah says the following in the Qur'an:

When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. - Qur'an 2:186

Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction. - Qur'an 13:28

And many more ayaat.

You have joined an Islamic forum, so take this as a sign, an invitation to correct your ways, and find inner peace through the Mercy of Allah. Allah says in the Qur'an:

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." - Qur'an 39:53

It is your time to shine my brother, I know you have hope inside of you. If you didn't have hope - you'd not join this forum to look for it!!! I can empathise with you and tell you "I understand, it's OK, let's get you back to being the best you can be in sh'Allah." Because, it's your time to shine and Allah's will be done.

Now, smile. And thank Allah that you still have breath in you to seek his forgiveness and acceptance - and give those cigs up. If I can do it, so can you. Allah made us the same - we're all humans. How much do you believe in Allah? Because I believe HIS will is what helped me to give up cigarettes, and now, it could very well be your time to do it, IF, you let yourself believe in HIM like I did.

Be strong.

 

[Ümit]

I know most of the people here are avoiding your question whether you are exempted from hell or not. they avoid this question not because they do not know your exact situation. They do not want to decide for Allah whether you are axempted from hell or not.
Neither can anyone can say whether some individual who died will go to heaven or hell. It doesn't matter how good or bad a this was towards his surroundings, no one knows his inside...what his exact intensions were. Only Allah can judge that.


on the other hand from what you told us, you seem to be a person who is suffering a lot, but you seem to stay rational. you know how to reason.

you know your addiction is bad and picking up second hand cigarettes are bad...so you can still distuinguish bad from good.
Therefore, I would say...you are not exempted from Hell.
committing suicide is not a solution. It will not free you...on the contrary, things will get worse for you. you will suffer much more and much severe than now.
so, do not go down that road.

Remember why you are here. Remember that you are going through a test right now...pass this test...otherwise you will never be relieved from your suffering.

 

[emem.masorong]

I am still alive after a long time I've posted this. I guess that was fast too. It feels like yesterday or something. Haha. Anwyays, I am thankful for all who have helped me. I thank Allah the most. I came back to Islam. I have also quit all my vices now. Alhamdullilah. See my new post on what I'm going through now. It's good news. https://www.islamicboard.com/general/134350597-new-me.html#post2996094. Wow. Life is really awesome if you have Allah by your side always.

[TABLE="class: grid, width: 100%, align: center"]
[TR][TD] New me
I feel so alive and wonderful since I came back to Islam. Allah opened my heart once again. I hope this time it will last forever. I want to complete t...[/TD][/TR][/TABLE]