Funny one-liners

  • Thread starter Thread starter truemuslim
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 22
  • Views Views 6K
truemuslim

truemuslim

IB Legend
Messages
5,036
Reaction score
614
Religion
Islam
:sl:


1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

6. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

7. Few women admit their age; few men act it.

8. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

9. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

10. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

11. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

12. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

14. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

15. You can't have everything; where would you put it?

16. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

17. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

18. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

19. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

20. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

21. DARE to keep cops off donuts.

22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.




Thanks:w:
 
nice made me laugh to :) '' I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.'' was the best:P
 
Hello truemuslim, Wonderful words of wisdom, I had a good chuckle, here are a few more.

There is no heavier burden than an empty purse

A man is led the way he wishes to follow.

I have wasted time, now time has wasted me.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Those who know little often repeat it

The future often arrives before we are ready for it

Our worst fears are those that never happen

Those who give advice don’t have to pay

If at first you don’t succeed – cheat.

A friend in need is a pest

Take care

Eric
 
Eric H said:
Hello truemuslim, Wonderful words of wisdom, I had a good chuckle, here are a few more.

There is no heavier burden than an empty purse

A man is led the way he wishes to follow.

I have wasted time, now time has wasted me.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Those who know little often repeat it

The future often arrives before we are ready for it

Our worst fears are those that never happen

Those who give advice don’t have to pay

If at first you don’t succeed – cheat.

A friend in need is a pest

Take care

Eric
Click to expand...

lol thanks the one in bold is my fave. lol its what i do.
 
Last Words of few People:

1. Give me the lighter i think we are running out of gas!

2. Honey, dinner was not tasty today!

3. Is this Gun loaded?

4. Yes, i am the one who was with your wife on lunch yesterday.

5. What hapens when we pull this PIN?

6. Due to my new invention, all poisons of the world are harmless for me... See

do you know about any such thing?? plz share!
 
Famous last words of George Bernard Shaw.

When Shaw was on his death bed a number of relatives had gathered in his room to pay their last respects. Shaw kind of kept slipping in and out of a coma. At one point he looked dead and his relatives stred wondering if he was alive or dead. One finaly said, "Feel his feet and see if they are cold or warm. Nobody ever died with warm feet" Shaw opened his eyes and said "What about Joan of Arc?"
 
:sl: nyc jokes....bt it dint get my frends to larff...but they gt hvnt gt a sense of humour neway!!! jazakillah for the jokes tho!!:shade:
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top