Hello,
I know that this topic might struck some of you as a little unconventional so I'd ask you to have an open mind.
I am a 25 years old man who lives in a non-Muslim country, but I've been raised in Islamic spirit and almost everyone from my family is religious.
The town I live in is mostly populated by Muslims and Islam is very respected. So, you get the picture.
I've always believed in Allah. I feel a connection with God and I would like to be a real Muslim, but I have this obstacle that I'm dealing with. I am gay.
Before you say I can change that, that I've "learned" to be gay - I'll have to inform you that those are nonsensical things to say. No one in their right mind would chose to be gay and to live a double life, be judged if exposed, etc. No one.
For the other part - if it could be changed, I would change it. I've tried everything.
My question to you is: What do I do? I've never been attracted to women, I can't just find some poor women, marry her and make her life a lie.
Is there a solution?
I would like to do daily prayers and attend Jumma but I feel that would be hypocritical of me if I practice gay sex.
Is the only possible solution for me celibacy if I want to be a Muslim?
Asalaamu Alaikum brother. Homosexual tendencies are certainly not genetic as many may argue but may come about due to many factors. These may include hormonal imbalances particularly those males who are effeminate or those females who are masculine. Such tendencies may also come about from experiences whilst growing up, like being molested, abused, or going through bad relationships with parents particularly the father, as well as bad experiences in pre marital or even marital relations with the opposite sex which may put off a person altogether from the opposite gender.
But a lot of the times especially in your case it is certainly a test. A lot of people may look past this but everything comes from Allah. People go through countless tests whether they are a whole array of physical and mental diseases or being tested through family and children or those around them. But for you this is certainly a test.
The question is how to deal with such a test from an Islamic point of view which is what everything in our lives should come to. The way we can get through hardships and difficult tests that we may be going through in life is to firstly internalise in our minds that this life is a test ground and we are in an examination but we do not know when this examination will end but whilst the examination is taking place we are being rigorously tested and at times we are tested until breaking piont just to see whether or not we will turn towards Allah or go away from him.*
We must also internalise that Allah ONLY tests those who he wants close to him. Therefore the tests that we go through in our lives clearly show Allah is wanting us to turn towards him and be closer to him. This is in fact a great privelage. The greater the tests we go through the more Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hereafter.*
Therefore if we really want to know the best way to approach huge trials and tests then we should simply realise that the bigger the tests we are going through then the higher Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hererafter. Trials are a truly blessing in disguise. All Allah wants from us is for us to turn towards him in meekness and humbleness and for us to be patient and to turn to him in prayer and dua. Picture that fact that Allah loves it when his servant is in desperate need, crying to him for help for Allah tends to those who cry and sob to him immediatley just as a mother tends to its baby promptly when it is crying.
We should also internalise the fact that tests actually differentiate us believers from one another in terms of ranking in the eyes of Allah and therefore we should know that those who are tested and are patient are forgiven of their sins as sins falls off a person who is patient through trials just.
Therefore we should realise that us being tested with trials and tests will NEVER go unrewarded for Allah rewards how much he wants to those who are patient through trials and those who turn towards him in humility and meekness.*It may be that a person who has experienced great trials in the world faces Allah on the day of judgement with little or no sins. So tests are a way of Allah forgiving a person of their sins so that on the day of judgement they have a much lighter load.
Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has called the day of judgement a "terrible" day and surely on this terrible day we would want as less sins as possible in our accounts if we are to be successful. Therefore these trials and tests are very important for us because they enable us to be forgiven for countless sins that would be a huge burden on us if it were in our accounts but due to the huge tests we faced with patience turning to Allah then it may be that we have very little or no sins at all on that day. The greater the trial the more sins fall off us. So know that even a prick of a thorn expiates ones sins.
We should also approach hardships and tests as in that it is the decree of Allah so we should NEVER ask Allah "Why" has he given us such trials? For questioning Allah why he has decreed something will mean that not only have we gone through so much grief and torment from these trials but that we have actually added to our sins by questioning Allah and we will be accountable for that.*Patience is one of the greatest attributes a person can acquire and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for Patience is Paradise!
If one is patient, and is among the ones described in the following manner in the Qur’an (Baqarah, 2: 256)Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-*Then here are the rewards Allah will give that person (2:157):The Rewards of Patience are the folowing:
1. Blessings from Allah: The patient person is blessed by Allah.
2. Mercy of Allah: When Allah gives someone His Mercy, He will let him enter paradise with His Mercy.
3. Guidance of Allah: A patient person will be guided by Allah in this world until he meets Him on the Day of Judgment.Referring to those who are tested and endure with Sabr or patience all of the above three rewards are mentioned by Allah Himself in the Qur’an in Surah Baqarah (2: 157):“They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.”
In Surah Hud (11:11), Allah (S.W.T.) again promises to reward those who are patient in adversity.Therefore let us realise that patience is the main thing Allah is looking for in us when we are going through trials and tests.
Here are two wonderful examples of patience through trials in the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) :‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?”I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.” [Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]
Story of ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair had an operation, and the doctor amputated his leg. One friend came to visit him. ‘Urwah thought that the fried came to pacify him for the loss of his leg. So ‘Urwah told the visitor: If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss. The guest told him, I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animals stepped over him, and he died one hour ago. ‘Urwah said: O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health. You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.
We should also approach tests as in we should look at those who have less than us. We have clean tap water and food on our plates everyday. We have clean clothes washed regularly and shelter from the harsh weather. Whereas there are those who walk miles just for a sip of water and even then it is dirty. There are those who have the same clothes for years and cannot even wash them. There are those who go days without proper food and even then they have scraps and end up being malnourished. There are those like in the flood disaster recently who have no shelter and are exposed to terrible diseases. Those who have little or no money to buy even basic things aswell as medication for their sick family members. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) always told us to look at those who have less than us.*
Sometimes when we go through great trials we get decieved into thinking that other people that we see around us must be living a life happy and content. We are wrong to think in this way for we do not know what goes on in peoples lives. There are many examples of those who seemed as though they have SO much and seemed so happy but when certain things were revealed then it was clear that those people were living miserable lives full of torment!
We may look at a person with a smile on his face but he may be going through trials we can never imagine. Therefore when we are going through difficult times and trials then we should not look at others and think they are happy and living fulfilled lives for we do not know what any person on the street is going through on a day to day basis.
Therefore whenever we are going through difficult times and trials then we should put our full trust, hopes, faith and reliance in Allah for he will NEVER let us down but is only testing us because he wants us to turn towards him in humility, humbleness and meekness and he wants us to get much closer to him. He tests a person because he wants good for them and wants to forgive them and raise their ranks in the hereafter.*In reality how lucky is a person who is being tested greatly and is still patient and turning towards Allah night and day. How hig must Allah be raising his ranks and forgiving his sins on a daily basis until he is like a new born baby who has little or no sins on him at all.
So the way to approach this is to realise that a person who is being tested greatly is in fact lucky but shaythan is wanting one to think opposite.Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and ONLY wants us to lose hope and faith and to go away from Allah. He wants us tobecome disillusioned and lose all hope so that we go away from Alah and our deen. But we should reject our enemy who only wants our destruction. We should disregard his evil whispers and know that they are only lies and deciet.*
Shaythan will try to make us think that there is no way out of this and this is because he wants us to give in and lose hope. But we must realise that if we continuously strive and keep turning towards Allah and be patient then the final victory WILL be ours! We will taste the sweetness of victory but in order to taste this victory we need to fight and strive through the tests and trials that life throws at us!If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humblenes then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable.
On the day of judgement once we see the reward of being patient through great trials turning towards Allah in humility then we would want Allah to have tested us even more so that we could have wreaped the rewards of being patient and turning towards Allah through trials and hardships. It is only on the day of judgement will we truly realise how much we have missed out on and how much more we wished we were tested by Allah so that our ranks were even higher.So the Reward of going through terrible trials and hardships immense!
Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world." (Al-Tirmidhi #1570)
So remember: Victory, relief and ease comes with patience through distress and hardshipProphet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Know that victory comes with patience, relief with distress and ease with hardship.” (Reported by Ahmad)
Therefore let us realise that the bigger trials and hardships we go through in this life then the more rewards we will gain in the hereafter as long as we are patient and are constantly turning towards Allah.*
In the hereafter when we see the rewards of going through trials and hardships then we will all wish that we went through the WORST trials possible for the longest amount of time!
No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere it will never come your way but if it is yours by destiny from you it cannot flee. (Umar Ibn al-Khattab Radiyallahu Anhu)
May Allah make us patient through adversity, trials and hardships. Ameen
So my brother know that this is a test for you and that this life is inly very short and temporary for a little patience in this world will bring rewards so immense that we will wish we went through even greater trials just to gain more rewards from Allah. So know that by being patient and persevering that you are fulfilling the purpose of your life which is to pass the test of life by turning to Allah and revolving your life around Islam.
There are cognitive therapies available for having homosexual tendencies. There is a new technique called Aversion-Relief Therapy:
http://www.integratedsociopsychology.net/aversion_therapy.html
Look into such therapies and never give up hope for this is what your enemy shaythan wants. Never give in to the desire of committing sodomy which is a major and vile sin and know that for controlling your desires you must fast as much as possible and turn to Allah, beg and cry unto him and ask of him to aide you and do you think he will ever turn you away? So never give up hope. Keep reminding yourself of death and the Hereafter. Visit the graves as much as possible. Keep striving. If you fall over a hurdle then get up and carry on but NEVER give up. For those who patiently persevere will be victorious in the end.
Regarding the prayer then NEVER abandon it. If you do not pray then NEVER hesitate in doing so for the prayer is the purpose of our life and without it we have nothing. Visit the Masjid as often as you can and never miss a single prayer. Again it is your enemy shaythan who whispers you such thoughts as he knows that you will only destroy yourself if you do not pray. So hold onto the prayer with dear life. NEVER let anything stop you from praying regardless.
Finally: " Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin." Al-Hasan Al-Basree
it's what we do as an Ummah, help eachother.
