dream gurl
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well...i will be confuse too..but try to put urself in 'his wife' foot u wouldnt want ur husband to take another wife..o too much of jealousy is within you..
having a relationship with a married muslim man
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Cinderella
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Hayati,
As a Muslimah, I can tell you, a Muslim man is allowed to marry up to four women, if he is able to provide for them financially and treat them equally. Your post was not clear on whether he will be divorcing his wife. Are you happy to become a second wife? There is nothing haram about the two of you wanting to get married however any physical contact between the two of you is haram. I would sincerely advice you to think about this. I know you say you are in love with this man and wish to share a family and a future with but all changes once you marry and live with the person.
All the best.
As a Muslimah, I can tell you, a Muslim man is allowed to marry up to four women, if he is able to provide for them financially and treat them equally. Your post was not clear on whether he will be divorcing his wife. Are you happy to become a second wife? There is nothing haram about the two of you wanting to get married however any physical contact between the two of you is haram. I would sincerely advice you to think about this. I know you say you are in love with this man and wish to share a family and a future with but all changes once you marry and live with the person.
All the best.
TrueStranger
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One thing is for sure a Muslim and a non-Muslim relationship is a disaster.
So true, Muslimah Sis.
It reminds me of the words of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount:
Peace be with you too
Peace & thank you for sharing Glo.
So can a muslim+muslim relationship be. It all depends on whether they agree & compromise in their marital affairs.
So we should say goodbye to polygamy because a wife can't deal with her jealousy in allowing the husband his God given right?
The funny thing about situations like these, are my first thoughts..
Because the first thing I thought while reading was if he's done it once, he can do it again. Meaning, the way he met this woman and was with her, it was all haram no doubt about it. He wasn't allowed to flirt or meet her or talk to her through the phone, and now after 2 years they are in love. I'm not saying the love is not real, it probably is.
He then goes in want to have a polygamy marriage. This is where I get tough doubts, his grounds for this IS an affair. It took him two years to make-up his decision and that is two years too long, much forbidden was already done here, not just cheating on his wife but also lying to her etc. ZINA is not just sex, there are many forms of zina and obviously he has committed some. Sure, now after so much haram there are two Islamic solutions left, GO AWAY or GET MARRIED. But I'm thinking, it is much his fault here too and Hell yeah he should very well listen to his first-wife, for injustice was done to her and the consequences she will have to bear a long time.
Her jealousy is not just jealousy here, she has to worry about her reputation in her family and her family's relations to this man. Her children's reactions when knowing what base this polygamy marriage (if it goes that far) has and I'm sure in first hand people will feel sad for the first wife, and that is understandable. If things go wrong for the second-wife and the husband she might get all the blame, and this doesn't always have to be the truth, so not only does she have many more responsibilites she also must be such an good example, in this particular situation it takes more strength than being the second-wife, who most probably gets extra much attention and care, which is understandable, but can ALSO be abused.
Polygamy marriage REQUIRES that all wives get rightly treated and yes, love cannot be controlled but lying and stuff can, and already with his first wife he showes trouble with this.
Then again for the first wife to make things a Hell for the second-wife, no that is not correct and not excusable according to Islam, but it has its reasons and so far we must respect that.
If it goes this far, truly good communications and explanations and much symphaty from both sides is desperately needed AND not just that, but patience and willingness to go through this. If not, he has to decide which one, or even one of the women goes.
THIS is the reason why one should discuss about polygamy soon and if interest in another woman occurs, then as soon as possible with ones wife, because this is one of many reasons why a polygamy marriage can go down the hill (faster than monogamy marriages), because MANY hearts are involved.
*sigh* In the end of the day, I really wish all of you will find a good solution and one day feel you're over this horrible incident in your lives.
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asalam alaikum wr wb,
wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
In the light of the situation we already know the brothers behavior was unislamic - but we aren't here to judge him or wonder if he'll do it again. I really do find it futile when people keep pointing out the obvious, especially as what's been done cannot be changed. Since we are not in the position to punish him or even have the right to, we can only help by giving advice which the sister asked for.
If he is not willing to end his relationship then surely it's better that he choose polygamy.
If discussions could change that then I'd invite everyone to join in. I'm sorry but I simply fail to understand how bringing up a person's mistakes resolves anything. All it leads to is the danger of other thinking this bro might be the worst person there is, when in truth only Allah knows that.
I do wish from the bottom of my heart that no sister gets hurt in her marriage by any means whatsoever. The wife's jealousy may be excusable in this case, but at the end of the day it doesn't terminate the man's right to take a second wife. We are not personally involved with these persons, so we cannot tell the wife to allow her husband his right - because it's his right. Neither can we tell the brother to leave sis Hayati, or tell her leave him. Yes, the wife will feel jealous and hurt - how she overcomes/forgives her husband is up to her and him. If proven that he commited adultery, she has the right to divorce. If she wants stay married to him, and he with sis Hayati, then she must allow him to marry her. For by not allowing him, she will be the one who is doing harm than good.
wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
Aleykum selam we rahmetallahu we berekathu,
It's not always bad to point out the obvious, because without doing it the obvious can suddenly disappear. I'm not judging him, I have no idea what his punishment will be and what it should be, I just know what he did was forbidden and to say it was, is not to judge. It's to give out the facts. Yes, they have been given out a lot here but to make a point in my post I had to re-say it.
And when you give advice, you must often say what was wrong in the first place and then give some advice, which I tried to give in the end, as an conclusion. To find a solution it is first hand required to find what went wrong and what should not be done again and then you go to solutions, when you have accepted you did wrong and you wanna do right. It might seem obvious, but you also gotta hear it not just think it.
Yes, now polygamy is the best (only Islamic) solution if he wants to stay with her. But his faults must be told to him, so that he'll learn from his mistakes innit. Then comes the advice.
I know, it is not right from her to refrain the given right from him. But oh boy, it can be hard to accept this fact when her own rights to not be cheated and lied on were not respected.
Adultery has many forms, some do not care if it didn't involve any SEX, it involved other things, first hand being with someone very emotionally who is not your mahram for years, isn't that already adultery? I'd advice the wife to seek for divorce, for how I see it now she seems to never accept a second marriage and he seems to love this other woman, and maybe they'd be happier that way. Allahu Aleem, I'd be interested to know how this ends.
It's not always bad to point out the obvious, because without doing it the obvious can suddenly disappear. I'm not judging him, I have no idea what his punishment will be and what it should be, I just know what he did was forbidden and to say it was, is not to judge. It's to give out the facts. Yes, they have been given out a lot here but to make a point in my post I had to re-say it.
And when you give advice, you must often say what was wrong in the first place and then give some advice, which I tried to give in the end, as an conclusion. To find a solution it is first hand required to find what went wrong and what should not be done again and then you go to solutions, when you have accepted you did wrong and you wanna do right. It might seem obvious, but you also gotta hear it not just think it.
Yes, now polygamy is the best (only Islamic) solution if he wants to stay with her. But his faults must be told to him, so that he'll learn from his mistakes innit. Then comes the advice.
I know, it is not right from her to refrain the given right from him. But oh boy, it can be hard to accept this fact when her own rights to not be cheated and lied on were not respected.
Adultery has many forms, some do not care if it didn't involve any SEX, it involved other things, first hand being with someone very emotionally who is not your mahram for years, isn't that already adultery? I'd advice the wife to seek for divorce, for how I see it now she seems to never accept a second marriage and he seems to love this other woman, and maybe they'd be happier that way. Allahu Aleem, I'd be interested to know how this ends.
Muslim Woman
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Salaam/peace;
yes with conditions . But polygamy & having an affair ---these are 2 different things. IF a married man wants to re-marry , then he should go for it in a legal way.
why a Muslim father wants his married son marries a non-Muslim woman from different country ???
if he does not have a good relationship with his wife , then instead divorcing her , it's better to remarry . It will up to her then if she will go for divorce .
Ask him to offer Ishthekhara prayer about marrying you. In the meantime , stop spending time with him .
Amen.
yes with conditions . But polygamy & having an affair ---these are 2 different things. IF a married man wants to re-marry , then he should go for it in a legal way.
why a Muslim father wants his married son marries a non-Muslim woman from different country ???
if he does not have a good relationship with his wife , then instead divorcing her , it's better to remarry . It will up to her then if she will go for divorce .
Ask him to offer Ishthekhara prayer about marrying you. In the meantime , stop spending time with him .
Amen.
aminahjaan
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Don't mess with their relationship, imagine if YOU were the wife. How would you feel? Sometimes when you love someone you have to chose what's best for them. So, you should let it go.