He broke off our engagement because I am not pious enough

[Adviceneeded]

Assalamu Alaikum, We have been engaged long distance a few months. I am a new revert and although I have Muslim family(my aunt who is a long time revert and her family), he played a huge role in educating me and my acceptance of Islam. I love Islam, please do not assume I converted for him, in fact I took my shahada months after our engagement. He has now broke off our engagement twice, the reason being that he fears we will get divorced and he feels I am not pious enough. I do not speak to men or have any male friends, I dress as modestly as I can right now simply because I cannot afford to buy new clothes ( he promised to pay for my new wardrobe and has paid for the few modest clothing I do own). My family struggles financially so I do have to work, this is the only time I interact with men, but I never let them touch me and we never speak for too long. Understandably, this bothers him and I let him know that as soon as we are married I have no issue with quitting and being a good house wife to him. Things we disagree on are that I want to wear makeup occasionally and I am not ready to wear hijab full time but I will very soon. Despite all of this, he has decided to leave because he says he is not patient enough and these are faults he cannot accept. But he tells me that he loves me, he still wants me and that he hopes Allah makes a way for us to be together in the future…he says this all whilst ending communication with me, and that he may pursue marriage again in a few months if Allah does not intervene. I love this man with all of my heart, he also has sins of course but I accept this and I trust that Allah will help both him and I to grow. I feel so betrayed that he has not kept his word. Is he in the right? Am I truly not pious enough ? What can I do ? I wish he would not judge me so harshly. But the most heartbreaking thing about this situation for me, is that I feel I have no connection to Islam without him. I feel that I would have to continue living in sin in order to provide for my family. I do not want this job that forces me to interact with men, I wish I had money to buy modest clothing, I wish I had muslimah friends. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my faith, the friends that I had are lost because of my decision to become a Muslim. The Muslim community where I live is terribly small. I am lonely and I do not want to go back to my old life at all. Please help me, I don’t know what to do. Thank you for reading.

 

[Adviceneeded]

Assalamu Alaikum, We have been engaged long distance a few months. I am a new revert and although I have Muslim family(my aunt who is a long time revert and her family), he played a huge role in educating me and my acceptance of Islam. I love Islam, please do not assume I converted for him, in fact I took my shahada months after our engagement. He has now broke off our engagement twice, the reason being that he fears we will get divorced and he feels I am not pious enough. I do not speak to men or have any male friends, I dress as modestly as I can right now simply because I cannot afford to buy new clothes ( he promised to pay for my new wardrobe and has paid for the few modest clothing I do own). My family struggles financially so I do have to work, this is the only time I interact with men, but I never let them touch me and we never speak for too long. Understandably, this bothers him and I let him know that as soon as we are married I have no issue with quitting and being a good house wife to him. Things we disagree on are that I want to wear makeup occasionally and I am not ready to wear hijab full time but I will very soon. Despite all of this, he has decided to leave because he says he is not patient enough and these are faults he cannot accept. But he tells me that he loves me, he still wants me and that he hopes Allah makes a way for us to be together in the future…he says this all whilst ending communication with me, and that he may pursue marriage again in a few months if Allah does not intervene. I love this man with all of my heart, he also has sins of course but I accept this and I trust that Allah will help both him and I to grow. I feel so betrayed that he has not kept his word. Is he in the right? Am I truly not pious enough ? What can I do ? I wish he would not judge me so harshly. But the most heartbreaking thing about this situation for me, is that I feel I have no connection to Islam without him. I feel that I would have to continue living in sin in order to provide for my family. I do not want this job that forces me to interact with men, I wish I had money to buy modest clothing, I wish I had muslimah friends. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my faith, the friends that I had are lost because of my decision to become a Muslim. The Muslim community where I live is terribly small. I am lonely and I do not want to go back to my old life at all. Please help me, I don’t know what to do. Thank you for reading.

Also, everything was fine and good until his father found out that I was a revert. His father has never met me because we are long distance. His parents unfortunately divorced and his mother was not Muslim, I know that his father has got in his head and convinced him that we are destined to end in the same way.

 

[Abz2000]

Things we disagree on are that I want to wear makeup occasionally and I am not ready to wear hijab full time but I will very soon.

Those sound like things that would automatically raise alarm bells in a man with gheera whose parents have gone through divorce - easy fixes if you ask me.
How can you expect a man to be protective of you in a loyal way if you flaunt your sex appeal to other men?
Marriage and coupling is complicated - requires compromise based on justice - ask yourself: "who's in the right", and you'll probably realise.

 

[Adviceneeded]

I do agree that he is in the right when it comes to that. I only asked that he be patient with me. Everything is new to me and I am still insecure about my looks.

 

[SishFish]

He's a walking red flag. If he can't be patient with you now, when will he ever be? He doesn't care about you, he cares that you will make him look bad. AND it's long distance? He's just making excuses and can't commit. He doesn't want to grow with you, he wants you to have your growth done so that he doesn't have to do any work. That's what it sounds like to me. Focus on pleasing Allah, not him. Especially if you feel you have no connection to Islam without him, I'd focus on that as your relationship with Allah is more important than your relationship with a man who won't even be understanding of your situtation.

 

[ZeeshanParvez]

There is a simple rule I follow in life.

If someone does not want you to be in there, say goodbye. The world is huge. You will find someone else.

 

[khadijah7]

I do agree that he is in the right when it comes to that. I only asked that he be patient with me. Everything is new to me and I am still insecure about my looks.

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi WabarakatuhI was in a similar situation, as i converted to Islam and met a muslim man which we lived far from each other. We got committed and married very soon after. As engagement is not permitted in Islam. We met face to face, I met his family which than i was presented with a ring from his mother, which meant I was promised to be married to him. We also lived in long distance before marriage, but we both were patient and we both agreed to leave it up to Allah if we were meant to be. All I can say sister is if a man wants you he will be there for you no matter what with no excuses. Once a man gives excuses why he can’t you need to say Alhamdulillah, as Allah is showing you that this person is not meant for you. And if he is Allah will arrange it, have faith in your heart and devote yourself completely to Allah, as He is most sufficient and the most important thing in our lives. With Him we have everything and without Him we will be nothing in this world. I shall pray for you sister and may Allah give you guidance and fill your heart with so much love that you will not be saddened by this situation you have encountered. Stay strong and focus on Allah, He will make you feel complete. Fi aman illah