I hope you are all well and have good Iman and health.
About a year ago I proposed to this brother in my college, masha allah i really liked him.
I sended 2 people to him and he said he wasnt ready for marriage or something along those lines, two days ago i found he got married.
He got married 4 months ago and i am devasted.
I dont understand why he said no to me and then went to marry someone else not even giving me a chance.
I am so upset now, in my head i always though that he would come knocking at my door in a couple of years and we would live happy ever after.
But i guess i am not good enough.
He is pious and a bit of a geek so for him to get married came as a shock.
I know i am going to sound like a bunny boiler but i need to find out who he is married to and maybe just see him again, i want to see who this special girl or should i say better deal is.
i am heartbroken
Walikum asalam sister wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuh,
Dear sister the pain that the heart feels and its immense pain is something that you can sit there and try explaining to another human being, its something that you can try explaining to your closest and dearest friend that may have known you all your life and you may think or it may seem that no one knows you better, but you will fail to do so, none can feel the pain other than you, none can hurt from it other than you and none can understand it other than you.
each and every single human being on this planet has been created unique in its own way in every aspect, to the way he disntinctively look, the way we are characteristics wise, our backgrounds, our life long dalily occurences, our feelings emotions EVERY single thing, yes you may find similarities or things in common with others but everything is distinct in its own sense, thatis the beauty of the creation of the Almighty.
So through all this never forget that what you feel, the pain your going through and this hardship, and what it feels like only One being understands and that is Allah swt cos it is He that has willed for this to happen it is He who decreed for it to be this way and it is He who who is putting you through all this, and yes there is a reason behind it all, the Almighty Lord has not created the heavens and the earth and all that exists in vain.
everything has been created for its own purpose and everything in His creation happens for a reason, but unfortunately us human's dont see things this way even as much as we believe in it and know it at times when despair hits home itis the best time for shaytaan to take over and start whispering all sorts in our hearts.
Like i said nothing and no one understands your pain, nor ever will, no one will understand what you are going through or can do anything to change it or heal you or make things better or easier for you save Him, so turn to Him and make dua, turn to Him and make all your complaints to Him, but first you need to sit and ponder about why is it that it has happened this way.
as a muslim we must believe in al qadr and al qadr is something that is way beyond our control, some things will be and happen the way they will no matter how much we may want it otherwise or the opposite cos, only Allah swt knows best, yes it may hurt and it may hurt too much and at times the pain would be so unbearable that it kills, but thats what happens when we deny and not understand fully the meanings of al qadr. once we accept it, everything makes more sense and the soul finds peace, then we turn to Allah and put all our trust in Him and make dua and Insha'Allah we will in time see what the reason for that thing not happening as you wanted is.
This brother was not destined for you he was destined for someone else and you need to start off by accepting that and accept and believe with firm believe in al qadr.
I know cos you are in despair now shaytaan whispers all sorts in your heart, trust me talking from experience it happens to everyone, your probably thinking why? when you were so sincere in your proposal, what does she have that you dont, what is it that you lack and whats wrong with you? and many other things i am sure.
but you need to sit and reflect about the beauty of Allah swt, His attributes and His mercy, educate yourself further to understand the whole meaning and purpose of life and why we are here and sometimes why things happn the way they do and what can you do as a believer and how can you cope.
we all know that life is a test, so from the day that we are born although we are so young and lack intelligence it is a test each and everyday is until the second we take our last breath, and the biggest elements that will help a believer succeed are, firm belief in islam, taking heed and practising its teachings and implying it in ones life and everyday doings in every aspect, striving hard for His sake to please Him, patience and dua.
what you need to realise is that although your heart took such a liking to this brother and wanted him and you wanted and dreamt of marrying him, it wasnt meant to be cos maybe Allah swt has something much better bigger and brighter out there for you, but now you dont see that cos as i said despair and whispers of shaytaan makes one forget these things, but Insha'Allah is the case and with patience you will realise.
Only Allah swt brings pain to the heart and only He can heal and cure the heart, so turn to Him, Allah swt says in the Quran that He has sent down the Quran as a mercy and healing to mankind so use that tool that He trough His mercyhas provided us with and heal yourself with it, turn to the one that has afflicted you with the pain in your heart and make dua and ask Him to cure it for you and remember Allah swt answers all duas made to Him with a sincere heart and firm belief that it will be answered unless you ask for something that He knows is not good for you then He removes affliction and evil from you or saves it for you in the hereafter.
no you dont need to see him again nor see who he is married to these are nothing but whispers of the shaytaan, why call her a better deal, who can be superior than any other through any means other than piety?
what you want to see if she is more externally blessed than you physically or less? would it make you feel better if she is not as pretty as you and make you feel bad if she is? what does worldy things have to do with anything, being a better deal or a human beter than another is not through physical means in Allah swt's eyes its through piety and only piety.
there is no need nor encouraged for a young muslim sister to see a married man, whom she has feelings for, cos the intentions in your heart are not totally clean since you have feelings for this brother, not that im saying your intentions are bad but remember the shaytaan is forever looking at opportunities to attack us. so dont put yourself in that position.
you dont need to see her, or who is she cos yet again, if she turns out to be pretty than you then feeling of jealousy and envy will become stronger i know that the traces are already there cos it is only natural and as i said i am speaking from experience so im not calling you a jealous or envious person we all have these in us and its traits of the shaytaan and things we have t constantly seek refuge in Allah swt from.
Jealousy and envy are things that only erode the soul of the person who is the jealous and envious one so do not put yourself in that position for tha to God forbid happen to you, cos it will do nothing but simply burn you inside and destroy you.
so you need to leave them both alone and seek refuge in Allah swt from the whispers of the shaytaan and concentrate soley on yourself, let the past be the past, it is for a reason why it has reached your past and not your present bury it and move on, keep yourself occupied and focus on yourself and heal yourself, by turning to Allah and put all your trust in Him cos i promise you sister this too shall Insha'Allah pass.
after every hardship there are two reliefs i myself to this day am still waiting for my reliefs and Insha'Allah through patience we will reach that stage and our reliefs will be given to us. Just hold on tight cos i promise you things Insha'Allah will be so much better.
come on smile now and wipe that tear! :statisfie
ma salama.
