Head of family

[Kouser]

Assalamualaikum,

We are three siblings married older daughter, unmarried son and unmarried daughter.

Older sister: Lives with her family but provided significant financial support before and after marriage (irregular but definitely in the times of need)

Son: Lives away from parents due to work, does work not related to his academics, unmarried, not entirely clear with financial support to parents as parents were not happy always expected support from older daughter.

Younger daughter (aged 42): Parents neglected her studies and marriage timely, she took care of all the house affairs except finance, like management and providing care for both the parents during bad health and bed ridden, until their demise. She is unhappy and feels that indirectly parents made her a maid and no personal development. After the demise Younger daughter lives on her own in the parents house depending on limited rental income from sub letting of the house. No financial support from the siblings. She is not in good terms with siblings as she thinks she has been mistreated.

Son insists to be treated as head of the family.


Is there any mention in holy book Qur'an or Islamic teachings for son to assume the role as 'head of the family' after the demise of our both beloved parents?

 

[Muhammad Shafi]

Wa Alaikum Assalam,
Brother, this is a sensitive family situation, and it’s clear that emotions and experiences from the past have left everyone feeling hurt. May Allah bring peace and understanding to your family.
In Islam, there is no explicit teaching in the Qur’an or Sunnah that automatically appoints a son as the "head of the family" after the parents’ passing. Leadership in a family is not about entitlement or superiority but about responsibility, compassion, and service. A leader in Islam is someone who takes care of others selflessly, supports them, and works for unity and justice, not control or personal authority.
Given your situation, the focus should be on mending relationships with kindness and fairness. Your younger sister feels neglected and burdened by her sacrifices, while the financial contributions of the elder sister should also be acknowledged. Everyone has a role, and the best way forward is through shura (mutual consultation) — sitting together with open hearts to discuss responsibilities and sharing resources fairly.
Remind your brother that true leadership is serving with humility, not commanding authority. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,

"The leader of a people is their servant." (Hadith, Sunan Abu Dawood)
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I pray that Allah softens your hearts, brings barakah to your family, and heals the hurt that has grown over the years. Mutual respect, forgiveness, and good communication are the keys to moving forward peacefully. Please try to reconnect as siblings,