Help.Feel very depressed and lonely

[anonymous]

Salaam to all,

I have been feeling very depressed and lonely these days.
I really do not have any interest in doing anything and think all this life is a waste of time and show off.
I don't find getting married exciting,having kids,working, earning money or anything good enough.
I feel the whole world runs after money,beauty and show off and what use is this life if lived according to others standards just to please others or show others.
The kind of life I want to live will not be allowed to me.I either have to obey my parents or get married and always seek permission from husband to do everything.
When can I take my own decisions?I am not asking for anything that goes against the values of Islam.I pray and have faith in Allah.But I don't feel interested in anything.
I feel pathetic.

Please help.

 

[anonymous]

Salaam alaikum



First before hand, I apologize for using anonumous I know it's confusing but it's the only choice I have. I decided to reply to yourthread because I know how you feel and you might not believe this but it's true you are not alone there are many people out there that feel the same as you do. Sometimes life can be tough and things strike us with out making any sense and then we fall into the trap of despair and disinterest and loss of all hope and appreciation of this life.

I would know I've been there and not too long ago. This world is a test; it is not everlasting it is only an intermediate it's only a part of the story and not the story itself. We live n a world where many people unfortunatley belie that 'life is what you make it to bo' and assigning themselves as their own gods thinking that they have controll over their destiny and fate. We are deluded to think that the measure of success is by how much money we earn or getting into a relationship with the 'best-looking' people, that the more you brag and show off the more people will stick around you and that you are a nobody if you don't acheive these "dreams" after all arent most 'big accomplished dreams' in this world gained through money, power and status.

Or it's really only your fault you've been too lazy or ust don't have enough ''charisma'' to be an influential member of this society. But they don't have be right, and you don't have to believe them and as long as you belive that God willing God will provide and make things right, you should be okay just trust Him even if things are not working out your way right now, He knows when the best timing is for things to happen we should leave all matters to His hands.

This life is a test ground for all of us. Money is a test and trial. Beauty is a test and trial. Health is a test and trial. And as much as they are blessings one should be grateful for they are also a responsibility and a test. These things are not supposed to inform us of God's love for us or His wrath; they are tests God gives this world to those whom He loves and those whom He doesn't love. We just have to trust Him and carry on. I know you may feel sad and depressed because you think that nothing has meaning anymore and everythings feels wrong even things you liked doing before; you don't feel interested in them anymore, but this is a phase.

Depression is like a deep dug hole them moment your inside it you can only do so much as to try your best to get back up again and lift your self up otherwise you never really know how you will end up. I'm sure by now you feel terrible about yourself waking up every morning wishing if you had a new life another chance or starting over again and forgetting about anything unpleasant in your life; but the hard truth is that you have to help yourself; I can't help you nor can anyone in this board as much as we would want to we can only give you comforting words but it's up to you to decide whther you want to change this situation you are in.

Life is beautiful with all it's suffering hardships and pain. It is beautiful with all it's joy laughter and success. It is beautiful with it's tears and sorrow, and it is also beautiful with it's smiles. You are human that is who you are; so don't be hard on yourself is things don't go the way you thought they should have. You are not pathetic, don't insult yourself treat yourself as you would like to treat others; it is good because if you treat your self kindly you will treat others kindly too. And the world is not running after money; this is just a superficial facade people with inflated egos, and narcasstic personalities like to put up mainly because they don't want to believe that life has a much deeper meaning, or too conceal their low self esteem and their not so perfect lives and to also put you down; I say ignore them really they don't have controll over your life and the only control they have over anything that concerns you is the controll you allow them to have.

Many people in this life are good; there is always a positive side about people. For example maybe you had a really kind teacher in kindergarten or elementary school that his/her memory couldn't be earased from your mind. Why not take a paper and pen and write down about them?. And then remember all the moments before that made you reallly happy and positive and write them down too; appreciate them and thank God for them.

There is always something to be gratefull for and remeber life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze us they are supposed to help us figure out who we are and what our place is in this world. You have a family; I know many times we don't get along too well with our family members and we sometimes wish it was always like that but deep down I sut believe that everyone of us still loves them and still wishes well for their safety and well being and they inturn repricate those feelings too.

Think about all the orphans and children whom lost their parents due too war or illnes or anyother circumstance; how hard is thei life? Are they they type that run after money and like to show off too? I'm sure you would certainly disagree. Have hope my friend life is not easy for many people we ust have to get going and put a smile on our faces; God will give us much more rewarding things. Also by they way; you are the only one who can live the life that you want to live. You don't have to live up to anyone's standards except God's and if anyone disapproves it's their problem and not yours.

Please also consider the many blessings God has given you; be thankfull even if you hadn't eaten all day or drank just a few sips of semi-clean water; it's hard but it relieves your heart and gives you hope and inspires you. God will change those who decide to change their selves; start now and start fast forget about the depression and sorrow; life is shorter than it seems to be, it's better going to your grave happy and assured than fearful and discontented.Start with yourself; of there's something that people do and you don't like it or don't feel it's right then avoid it as much as you can and go to as far as doing the complete opposite if you can.

Try becoming closer too God (offer more prayers; fasting..etc--I apologize I don't mean to say that you don't I have no authority to claim this--). And about your parents; sleep on it my parents held very strong views when I was younger I felt helpless infront of them so I decided to go with the flow and not against it; afterall don't they say 'whatever you resist persists' but it actually and surprisingly got off really well I mean they became more lenient and they now listen and consider other opinions as long as they are islamicly acceding; sleep on it and be patient; people change all the time we grow out of things including our firmly held opinions and make space for others so don't just give up.

Take a decision right here and now and put an end to this depression. I hope I wasn't harsh on you with my words, I pray that may Allah give you strength, faith , happiness and gratitude and the rest of us all mankind. Best wishes.

 

[Muslim Woman]

we are created to worship Allah . As long as ur parents , husband don't prevent u from worshipping Him alone , don't tell u to do any unislamic things , u don't have to so sad , feel bad.

There are million people all over the world who are depriving from food , water , medicine , home . In many places , war is going on , people can't offer salat properly . U are lucky that u are not in that situation .

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salaam to all,

I have been feeling very depressed and lonely these days.
I really do not have any interest in doing anything and think all this life is a waste of time and show off.
I don't find getting married exciting,having kids,working, earning money or anything good enough.
I feel the whole world runs after money,beauty and show off and what use is this life if lived according to others standards just to please others or show others.

The kind of life I want to live will not be allowed to me.I either have to obey my parents or get married and always seek permission from husband to do everything.
When can I take my own decisions?I am not asking for anything that goes against the values of Islam.I pray and have faith in Allah.But I don't feel interested in anything.
I feel pathetic.

Please help.

Asalaamu Alaikum.

What we must always be certain about is that this world is created as a place of misery for the believers. It is a prison for us. A place that should be detested by us all. It is no doubt a cruel and unjust world. It is surrounded by pleasures for those who have love for tit and a place of much misery and anguish for those who are seeking the Hereafter.*

As believers we must internalise in our minds that this world is merely created as a testground. A temporary world that Allah has not put much into as he is leaving the best for the Hereafter. So if this is a world that Allah has not put much into then surely It is not a place that we should put all of our effort into. We should just do as much so as to support ourselves and our families.

Also we should stop concentrating on how others live their lives and how they treat other people and the things going wrong with the world and other people and instead concentrate on what is most important to us which is to fulfil our obligations unto Allah and ensure that we are living our own lives in accordance with the way that pleases Allah the mose for that is how we will be successful. We will not be acvountable for things going wrong with other people and the world but we will ve accountable if we go wrong and the way we live our lives and treat other people.

We should og course always be in a state of concern for the state of our Ummah. But this should not make us sit there depressed but to make sincere Dua and do our part by giving dawah and enjoining good and forbidding evil aswell as giving to charity and fundraising, volunteering etc. actions although their actions may affect us and sadden us.*

Therefore we must change our focus and perspective of life. Rather than let everything get ontop of us and allow misery and anguish to set in and make us feel helpless then we should beseech the help of the only one who can help us. The Almighty. We should change our way of thinking and concentrate and focus our attention and efforts into doing everything that pleases Allah and avoiding that which displeases him. We should think to ourselves of how pointless it is to waste precious time when we are so short of it. We should always keep in mind that each and every second that is going by we will NEVER get back, so we CANNOT affort to waste a second more.

Surely it is our sworn enemy shaythan who is making us feel this misery by giving us such a negative attitude. We must totally submit ourselves to the will of Allah for that is what a Muslim does and surely he is only worthy of all worship. We must make this commitment now. We should totally devote ourselves to him and turn away from that which is deterring us from him.

We should be of the appreciative and thank him much as he loves those who are apprecitive. We must repent and beg of his mercy and forgiveness for he lives those who ask of him for his abundant mercy.*We must treat others around us in the best of manner just as our beloved Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).

Surely It is better to have no friends than to have friends who will lead us astray and take us towards Jahannam. For bad friends will be our enemies on the day of judgement. The less we talk the better as the tongue is such a muscle that it is one of the biggest factors of taking many Muslims to Hell. So it is a good quality to talk less often. Instead we should use our tongue for inviting towards Allah and to glorify him and ask of him.*So ask of Allah to find you good pious company.

We must NEVER feel alone because Allah is always there with us. When we think we are alone then it us untrue for the second is Allah. When we are with another person then Alkah is the third. So we can NEVER feel alone because Allah is there with us! We should raise our hands to him ask share everythibg to him. Feel in your heart that he is there and he will bring such peace and satisfaction and contentment into our hearts that is not possible to gain except that such peace, tranquility and happiness is ONLY found with Allah!

If you are able to marry then marry a pious partner so that you may comfort one another and be a garment unto one another. If you are currently unable to marry then work towards marriage as Allah helps those who make sincere effort and have good intentions.*So the best advice i can give myself and others is to treasure each and every second in doing and saying that which will please Allah and avoid doing and saying that which will displease him. To have concern for our Ummah but to concentrate on our own lives and doing our best to help those around us particularly the poor and destitute rather than to look at how other people treat those around them.*

We ONLY have this one chance in this short life of ours to build our Hereafter so let us do good so that we can continue laying the bricks of our place in Jannah. The more good we do the more we will have to enjoy in our eternal place in Jannah where all misery will be no more. A place of eternal happiness for the believers. A place where there will be no hatred or enmity. A place of pure bliss and joy. A place where we can see the beautiful face of our creator, some of us everyday depending on our actions. A place where we will have friends amongst the Prophets and Sahaba. Where we can be with our familys without any family grudges and frictions etc. Where evil and suffering will be no more. An end to all misery and pain. A place where there is ONLY pleasure joy and happiness. This will not be for a short while but FOREVER! So Let us renew our intentions and focus.

Forget what has past and learn from it. Concentrate on NOW as tomorrow may never come. Focus on our own actions as we will only be accountable for ourselves. Despair not for Allah is only a Dua away. He is waiting for us to turn to him so whst are we waiting for? Then let us not waste a second more!

Oh Allah give us the best of this world and the next and make us of those who you are pleased with in this world and the next for NOTHING is more pleasing to us than your pleasure and happiness. Ameen