help for my marriage

[AnonymousPoster]

hey i am a 21year old girl who has been married now two years but with eachother for 4years as i was not muslim then and was not willing to marry due to my insecurities i had of foreign people and my lack of knowledge about islam i rejected the proposel.

two years on Alhamdulilah we married and i became muslim after a year of studying it, my iman was so strong and he was happy i accepted islam however he was not praying and i felt he was not helping me with my deen and my imaan became a bit weak.

we started to have problems fighting over little things, lack of trust and so many other stuf which is to painful for me to discuss here. tears fall from my eyes even if i begin to think about it.. time went on and i could not stay patient with the emotional scars and I ended up befriending a practising muslim brother online and my imaan became strong as ever again but i was married i was doing a sin contacting him but shaytan got the best of me and before i knew it. the two of us were talking about marriage and getting divorce from my husband.

i left my husband and asked divorce but time passed and i realised what i was doing was wrong. i told this man we should finish it here because i am highly confused and need time to think about what i want. we never met or had sex. we have not spoken since.

well to cut the story short i went back to my husband because i needed to make a mends again. even though i had good grounds for divorce and good reasons so many people told me divorce was not good and even a scholar said show mercy to him and he told me you need to try again with your husband. this same scholar also told my husband that it was his fault also because he was not helping me with my deen because you have to be careful with newly reverts. my islamic knowledge was weak and i put it down to ignorance for what i did. i repented and asked forgiveness.

well anyway i am trying my best to be good wife i am praying my husband becomes more religious but i am not seeing the results yetimsad

he is not praying and the fights are happening again. brothers and sisters i feel so unhappy and i need your advice. he knows about the other brother btw but thats in past now.

and is there anybody here who got a divorce? and what dose it feel llike to be alone? i feel that this will only get worse and i fear for my own imaan. i really badly need a spouse who will help me and teach me about my deen but i am so afraid of falling into zina and going astray because my husband is not that religiousimsad don't get me wrong he dose try but he only prays once a day and some days not at all.

while i pray 5times a day and read holy Qur'an. i tell him that he should do more but i don't even have the strenght anymore sometimes with everything which is going on.

I Find myself looking at other couples and becoming jealous please help

 

[mathematician]

Welcome to marriage!! No that's just a joke.

Sister, it seems to be that you are not ready for marriage.
If you and your spouse have the problem of lack of trust, then the two of you are not ready for marriage. You have to step up and be more mature. Why did you marry each other if you don't trust each other?
The little fights, who is at fault? Do any of you 2 carry emotional baggage from your childhood or adult life?? If so, seek counselling so that you can get over those emotional problems and not bring them into your marriage.
I can imagine it doesn't feel good to be alone, BUT it can give you time to get counselling so that you can heal your wounds from other experiences. He might need it too.

I say you 2 should go to a marriage counsellor before considering divorce. If he refuses counselling then I say you should get a divorce. You cannot bring children into that mess you two have created. Please don't, it's not fair to them.
You two clearly cannot work out your problems together. There is nothing wrong with marriage counselling and I urge you to seek it. Do it soon.

Honestly, without marriage counselling I don't see much hope, and deep down you probably know that too.

In summary, you need to seek professional counselling for yourself (if you get divorced or stay married), he needs to seek professional counselling for himself, and the two of you need to seek professional counselling as a couple.

 

[Caller الداعي]

i know sis it must be very difficult for u and divorce is a last option but remembr ur iman comes first if the relationship ur in can lead u to have affairs with others then it means ur iman is threatend and it will only lead to lust and desires Allah save us from that!
if u r finding that ur husband is not going to become better iman wise and u can find another better spouse which u most probably will then maybe that would be the best for u and ur future kids.
Allah has made divorce permissible for situations like this so dont leave that option out sis.
Be strong and place deen before everything Allah is watching and He knows the pain ur suffering and after every sadness there is happiness ull see!
May Allah give ur husband hidayah and make him a better muslim and if not then may he give u a good muslim spouse ameen!

 

[Salahudeen]

Whatever you do don't have an affair, I felt relieved when I read

"we never met or had sex. we have not spoken since".

cos for a moment I thought it was going in that direction the way you were telling the story. Anyway your issue is that your husband isn't as praticing as you would like, have you tried educating him on the importance of praying???

for example I have many lectures that talk about the importance of Salah and maybe you could get your husband to listen to them to understand the importance of prayer.

It may be that he doesn't know the severity of the crime and he thinks not praying is something trivial, you have to inform him of hadith like the prophet peace be upon him said

"the difference between the one who believes and the one who doesn't is the prayer, whoever leaves it is not from among us"

and tell him how when the prophet peace be upon him was on his deathbed the final words of advice he gave to us was to guard the prayer.

educate him with knowledge so that he knows the severity of his actions, I never used to pray because I used to think it as something trivial. I used to be one of those people who say

"why do I need to pray for I have Islam in my heart"

but when I began educating myself I learnt that faith is shown in actions as well as speech. and when I heard the hadiths mentioned above they were eye opening on the importance of prayer. Would you like me to try and find a link to the lectures on the importance of Salah?


this might not be the correct advice I'm about to give you be you can decide for yourself, you could be blunt with him for example when the time for prayer comes say to him " come and pray with me" if he refuses say to him

" do you refuse to pray when the prophet peace be upon him said the difference between the one who believes and the one who doesn't is the prayer and whoever leaves it is not from among us" do you refuse after knowing the prophet said this??