Help me brothers and sisters

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:sl:

I have just joined the forum in hope that i will get some support from you all.

My name is Shahad and i am 23 yrs, i study LAW here in UK. i come from the north part of Iraq Kurdistan.

I WAS VERY YOUNG (11) WHEN MY FATHER GOT MURDERED BACK HOME BY A KURDISH POLITICAL PARTY. THE FAMILY AS RESULT FLED THE COUNTRY. I NOW LIVE IN UK WITH MY BROTHERS, ONE SISTER AND MOTHER.

2 YEARS AGO I MET A REALLY NICE ARAB GUY, WE FELL IN LOVE AND HE SINCE THEN HAS BEEN TRIYING TO PROPOSE FOR MY HAND. MY MUM AND BROTHERS HAVE REJECTED HIM BECAUSE OF CULTURE REASONS.

THIS IS VERY UNFAIR, MY BROTHERS ARE BAD THEY COMMITT ZINA, GAMBLE, AND DRINK AND YET WHEN I ASK FOR MARRIGE TO A DECENT MUSILIM GUY THEY CALL IT INDECENT. I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS INJUSTICE THAT MY FAMILY ARE PUTING ON ME. I AM WILLING TO FIGHT FOR THIS PERSON WHATEVER IT TAKES. IF IT MEANS I WILL DIE THEN LET BE IT, I KNOW DEEP INSIDE AND ALAH KNOWS AND HE CAN SEE THE TRUTH.

I JUST MAKE PRAYERS FOR ALLAH NOT TO LET THIS TYRANY BE CARRIED OUT ON INNOCENT WOMEN ANYMORE. WOMEN GET KILLED EVRYDAY IN IRAQ JUT BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS. I AM THE ONLY GIRL IN MY FAMILY THAT HAS DARED TO ACTUALY STAND UP AND SPEAK THE THRUTH.

I NEED YOUR SUPPORT
THANX FOR YOUR TIME
 
:sl:

Welcome and inshalah allah will answer your prayers.

My advice to you sis is to be patient, dont do nothing stupid, that you'll perhaps regret, and inshallah you'll saty happy with your future husband.

Getting married to sum1 who your familly dont want you to marry is difficult and stressful, i can only imagine. However gaining your familly's trust to marry him is the key.

Inshallah evrything will work out, i dont no if i have gave any help to you, but thats all i can say at the moment.

Inshallah sum more ppl in this forum will definatley help you out more better.

:w:
 
:sl:

I can imagine your situation must be very tough.

You seem to have strength. Too many women are victims of domination.

Don't lose your faith.

:w:
 
Make dua and be patient sis :)

...also don't tell thc where you live :p

Peace.
 
this dunya is nothing...

love is nothing but a deception outside of marriage...

when we take this dunya for our intimate companion then surely shaytaan interferes....

sister why not have patience for jannah... if you can marry him then stay away from him till you can... if you cant then Allahs will is gnna happen.


Whether you want it or not doesnt matter, This dunya is just a test, you will die one day, Allahs will is going to take place wether you are happy with it or not.

If you are happy with it you will get reward inshaAllah

if you arent happy with it you will get punished audhubillah.


so mend your heard ,try to accept qadr, and make lots of zikr and nawaffil prayers.


THIS DUNYA IS NOTHING
 
THIS DUNYA IS NOTHING!!!!... on the day of judgement it will come in the form of an old woman... audhubillah, dont keep it in your heart, keep it in your hand ready to throw away...
 
YUP spit on it and chuck it in the BIGGGG WEEELY BIN (not literally) ofcorse :D
 
I do agree wit IbnAbdulHakim and believe, ofcourse that it's the truth. Yet I understand what you're going through, my comment is on IbnAbdulHakim's post; First of all I'm not very good in religion but lately I've been trying to get there. And most likely I might be wrong but in my opinion, I think that love doesn't always have to be a deception, there are people who fell in love and Allah gave them the best of it. In my opinion what's wrong is TRYING and SEEKING relationships, as two might fall in love and things work out well for them by Allah's will, I don't think it's wrong that he fell for her. And I don't think that, that feeling where you want to be loved is a sin. Allah told us to love eachother. What's forbidden is starting a relationship.

I don't think that if you both want eachother it's wrong for you'll to try! I believe however that you should explain to him the situation, keep your distance and tell him that for yourself, you're willing to marry him, but HE has to convince your mother in a way or another, if you both couldn't then Allah will insha' Allah give you what's better in life and heaven (akhira). As for your brothers I don't think they have anything for you do they?

Again, I'm not good in religous matters, and my post was ONLY an opinion, DO NOT follow it.
 
Salamualikum.
As mentioned before best thing ever is dua'ah inshallah. Allah subhwnatallah will help you. Were all getting tested ion each and every different ways.
Be patient inshallah because patient leads you to the doors alhmdulillah.

Please don't answer any personal information nor other memebers ask any other personal information inshallah, not a good thingy bob over NET.
allah hu alim.
Ma'assalama
 
:salamext:

Very good advice has been offered. All I want to add is dont force yourself to do anything, do it in your own time.

Otherwise i've seen from various people, they go back to doing the wrong thing again, if they force to stop themselves in the first place.
 
THNAX to all the replies, am happy to hear that there are people who care and your duas has helped me.
 
I don't want to give potentially bad advise, but can't she choose a wali for herself and marry him? I don't see a point trying to reason with people who already commit Haram. This probably sounds awful on my behalf but if it were me and I can appoint a wali, and was sure this is the man I wanted for a partner for the rest of my life, then I'd just go for it.

Allah A3lam, Allah knows best...
I have not given scholarly advise but given advise as a human so if I erred forgive me
:w:
 
PurestAmbrosia said:
I don't want to give potentially bad advise, but can't she choose a wali for herself and marry him? I don't see a point trying to reason with people who already commit Haram. This probably sounds awful on my behalf but if it were me and I can appoint a wali, and was sure this is the man I wanted for a partner for the rest of my life, then I'd just go for it.

Allah A3lam, Allah knows best...
I have not given scholarly advise but given advise as a human so if I erred forgive me
:w:
Click to expand...


!!! Just what I was trying to say! I just happened to not find the right words. :D Umm a wali is in other words... her husband, right?
 
SH_ST said:
!!! Just what I was trying to say! I just happened to not find the right words. :D Umm a wali is in other words... her husband, right?
Click to expand...

:sl:
ummm :? u still don't get it brother... A wali is someone on her behave... it can't be her husband... it must be someone from her side, like an uncle. :)

:ws:
 
allah-akbar said:
:sl:
ummm :? u still don't get it brother... A wali is someone on her behave... it can't be her husband... it must be someone from her side, like an uncle. :)

:ws:
Click to expand...

Yes an Uncle, but if she has no one at all then I believe she can appoint someone to be her wali? an imam at her local mosque?... then she can be freed of this --and her husband henceforth can be her help, advocate and confidant!

Allah knows best
:w:
 
PurestAmbrosia said:
I don't want to give potentially bad advise, but can't she choose a wali for herself and marry him? I don't see a point trying to reason with people who already commit Haram. This probably sounds awful on my part but if it were me and I can appoint a wali, and was sure this is the man I wanted for a partner for the rest of my life, then I'd just go for it.

Allah A3lam, Allah knows best...
I have not given scholarly advise but given advise as a human so if I erred forgive me
:w:
Click to expand...
:salamext:
This probably sounds awful on my part but .....
Click to expand...
Not to me on condition that first post of thread is 100% accurate in describing the situation
:w:

Edit:
I was Just reminded of the following:
Dua is all well and good and so is trusting God to watch over your camel but he expects us to be proactive and tie it first
 
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:sl:

I HAVE SPOKEN TO BROTHERS BUT THEY REFUSED, MY UNCLE WAS WILLING TO ACCEPT AT FIRST INSTANCE BUT MY BROTHERS TURNED HIM AGAINST ME NOW HE REFUSED AS WELL. THEY ARE BEING UNREASONABLE, BY REFUSING MY MARRIGE TO A MAN WITHOUT EVEN SEEING OR KNOWING HIM. THEY NOW TOLD ME IF I WAS REALLY INTO THIS GUY THEN I CAN GO AWAY AND MARRY HIM BUT I SHALL NEVER CONTACT MY FAMILY ANYMORE. MY BROTHERS ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR RELIGOUS REASONS, THEY JUST CARE ABOUT THEIR CULTURE. THEY DRINK, COMMITT ADULTERY, CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES, AND MANY OTHER PROHIBITED THINGS IN ISLAM THAT I NO WAY CAN DO SUCH THING BECAUSE I FEAR ALAH. THIS PERSON WHO WANTS TO MARRY ME IS A VERY DECENT GOOD PERSON, HE IS WAY BETTER THAN MY BROTHERS. LIFE IS UNFAIR, WOMAN HAVE NO RIGHTS IN ISLAM, EVEN THOUGH THE PROPHET (SAW) ALWAYS PROTECTED THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN, UNFORTUNALTY NO ONE FOLLOWS HIM.

I AM VERY UPSET, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I AM NOT CLEAR ON WHETHER GETTING MARRIED TO A MAN WITHOUT FAMILY'S CONSENT IS A VALID MARRIGE OR NOT? EVEN THOUGH THE FAMILY ARE EXTEREMLY UNREASONABLE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP

:sl:
 
shahd said:
:sl:

I HAVE SPOKEN TO BROTHERS BUT THEY REFUSED, MY UNCLE WAS WILLING TO ACCEPT AT FIRST INSTANCE BUT MY BROTHERS TURNED HIM AGAINST ME NOW HE REFUSED AS WELL. THEY ARE BEING UNREASONABLE, BY REFUSING MY MARRIGE TO A MAN WITHOUT EVEN SEEING OR KNOWING HIM. THEY NOW TOLD ME IF I WAS REALLY INTO THIS GUY THEN I CAN GO AWAY AND MARRY HIM BUT I SHALL NEVER CONTACT MY FAMILY ANYMORE. MY BROTHERS ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR RELIGOUS REASONS, THEY JUST CARE ABOUT THEIR CULTURE. THEY DRINK, COMMITT ADULTERY, CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES, AND MANY OTHER PROHIBITED THINGS IN ISLAM THAT I NO WAY CAN DO SUCH THING BECAUSE I FEAR ALAH. THIS PERSON WHO WANTS TO MARRY ME IS A VERY DECENT GOOD PERSON, HE IS WAY BETTER THAN MY BROTHERS. LIFE IS UNFAIR, WOMAN HAVE NO RIGHTS IN ISLAM, EVEN THOUGH THE PROPHET (SAW) ALWAYS PROTECTED THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN, UNFORTUNALTY NO ONE FOLLOWS HIM.

I AM VERY UPSET, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I AM NOT CLEAR ON WHETHER GETTING MARRIED TO A MAN WITHOUT FAMILY'S CONSENT IS A VALID MARRIGE OR NOT? EVEN THOUGH THE FAMILY ARE EXTEREMLY UNREASONABLE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP

:sl:
Click to expand...


:sl:
I don't see why you couldn't visit your local mosque and ask counsel of the scholar there?... surely you can ask him to be a wali on your behalf... seems like losing touch with your family would be the least of your problems, as they might actually lead you further to stray with unislamic and in general bad habits.
I don't like the fact that you say women have no rights in Islam, when in fact you mention almost in the same breath, that it is for cultural reasons your family forbids you union with this young man.

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)

With that said, I really believe the ball is in your park now... it is your decision and your husband to be. You can marry him and try to re-establish ties with your family, at least you'll have done your part religiously speaking by initiating the peace and conversation, but they have no right to force a marriage on you. It is annulled in the eyes of the religion, further, it would seem like a rape if you are with someone against your will? Don't you think?

Allah A3lam, Allah knows best.. the best advise I can give you is
-- take a deep breath, think of nothing--- clear your mind of all the absurdities we all resort to when life deals us a card we don't like--- drink a tall glass of water. And think pro-actively of your next step, really think deeply of cause and consequence, and play the worst case scenario. I always think if you can live with the worst case scenario and it won't kill you then go for it!

Allah A3lam, Allah knows best
:w:
 

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