HELP! Mother daughter issues!!

[AnonymousPoster]

Oh my goodness, where do i begin???? Everyday my mother gets mad at me. Over the smallest things. She keeps yelling at me, cursing me (not swearing, saying things like "may your kids treat you 100 times worse) and other stuff.

i have to walk on eggshells around her! she shows all the symptoms of a women going through menopause, i made a doc appointment for her but its not until nov.

i dont know what to do....all i can do is avoid her, but i dont want to avoid her shes my best friend imsad im so sad about this im crying as i write it, i keep trying to be perfect around her but i cant do it!

 

[penartist]

salaam anon

hope your keeping well. i have to say that issues between family members can be very difficult and heartbreaking but try to stay strong..make dua to Allah.

If your mum is at that age then yeh she could be going through menopause and would definately need to see someone to confirm that.

As someone whose mother suffers from depression i can sympathise with u on the whole egg shells thing...i find that keeping quiet and very respectful helps not only to defuse the situation but also is a constant reminder to u that there is much reward for patience.

Try convincing ure mum to go out for a bit every day or every two days to maybe the local shops or a friends house. If your mum is feeling down she might like a change to scene.

Don't cry...may Allah give u sabar and make u more stronger and able to help your mum through this.

wasalaam

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

yh how old is your mother cos like a young woman, she may also be going through biological changes.

when she says:

cursing me (not swearing, saying things like "may your kids treat you 100 times worse)

just say in a neutral tone-not intending to backchat her or anything, but rather to make her aware that she has hurt you-say: "why, what did i do "

she may also be going through other personal issues/something else could be bothering her and as a result she may be taking it out on you. in that case, maybe talk to her when she is in a better mood to get her problems off her shoulders.

i think you should ask her when she is in a good mood and in a joking manner why she treats you like that. maybe your joking manner will soften her heart and "awaken" her and realize what she is doing is wrong.

keep being kind to her. buy her gifts (flowers, chocolates, jewelery) every now and again as to soften her heart towards you (my mum always likes that). try not run away from her as communication between the two of you will break down and ur relationship with her will worsen.

 

[Muhaba]

Try your hardest not to annoy your mom, even slightly. Too many minor things are worse than one big thing.

Divide your time, setting certain hours to do homework; helping your parents/siblings; using the computer; and watching tv, friends, going outside, talking on the phone, etc.

Be punctual with these, trying to help with the housework, sibs first, then doing homework, etc.

If you aren't annoying your mom and she's making your life miserable for no reason, pray to Allah to help you & read four Quls, Ayatul-Kursi, etc in case of black majic or evil eye.

May Allah ease your problems. Ameen

 

[Sampharo]

The biggest problem in such situations is when you take it upon yourself to be perfect in order to reduce the conflict, and unfortunately that produces a lot of stress and can seed layers of guilt and frustration. We are always told over and over in Islam that our mother out of all people are the most deserving person of our friendship, that we can treat them with nothing other than complete obedience and utter kindness. Your failure to maintain the peace will make you feel like a failure, and will frustrate you to no end and will actually lead you to have psychological barriers against your mother.

So the first thing you need to do is understand that YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS! It took me years and when I got that, I had a huge breakthrough. There is no way you can control everything that happens in your life, and you certainly forget about controlling triggers of a menopausal woman's temper. The sooner you deeply understand this the much better you will feel.

Second thing to do is to understand that with every outrage or anger episode, your mother is reacting to powerful hormonal changes. So forgive her and forgive yourself all the time.

Other than that just treat her normally, letting things slide and understanding that what she's going through is temporary and is hormone enduced, and just ask God to give you guidance and patience and strength, because those three are what you will need.

Hope this helps you, and may God bless you for considering your mother to be your best friend.