help out a sister...

[Snowflake]

Despite everything I feel, I respect your decision sis. Only don't let your whole life become an existence of hurt and let-downs. One more chance you said. Fair enough.. but please do put your own physical and mental health first. This is my biggest concern for you. I pray Allah guides your husband and blesses you with a happy marriage. Ameen.

 

[iamlost]

Despite everything I feel, I respect your decision sis. Only don't let your whole life become an existence of hurt and let-downs. One more chance you said. Fair enough.. but please do put your own physical and mental health first. This is my biggest concern for you. I pray Allah guides your husband and blesses you with a happy marriage. Ameen.

JAK.
thanks for your kind words and ameen to your prayers.

 

[Zahida]

Sis so sorry have been so busy!!!! Spring term at school is always so busy!!! Anyway how are you bearing up??? Sis we are all there for you, Scents Of Jannah, Brother Alcurad, and even our little Yanal have all given you good sound and decent advice....................

I especially like the bit where Yanal says subr is the key to paradise........... Bless him. He is so wise...............

Anyway you have done the right thing. Now lets just see what happens. InshaAllah everything will be ok............ Hugs

 

[AntiKarateKid]

JAK.
thanks for your kind words and ameen to your prayers.

The thing is showgirls are paid to be very nice to the guys at the bar. They talk and pretend to listen and care and w/e.

It is probable that while drunk your husband got in to a conversation with her and they just exchanged numbers after. Showgirls do that because they what the guy to be a regular customer and thus form a bond with the people.


I doubt that they had any illicit relations because showgirls get advances from many men and refuse them because to be pregnant would shatter their "profession".

This is connection on my part but your husband's drunkenness makes me think this was an act of foolishness on his part and not some lust or what have you.





BTW In case anyone is wondering...

This is NOT from any personal experience from showgirls....LOL :-[

 

[limitless]

I may have been out of this forum for over two years. But, I still love the kindness and compassion that is shown here to fellow muslims. Mashallah and bless you all!

Sis, you are indeed strong, I praise you for that. And the decision you made is good because I would've suggested the very samething, forgiving and one more chance. Afterall, we all get a second chance. I got a second chance (I am not married just in-case) at something I did though I was so out of life, and basically atheist in some way. To make it short, you guys should have more open communication. Sounds like from you're relationship with your husband is the lack of communication. So as a fresh start, you both should become best of friends and be open about any topics. I don't know why certain topics are kept secret from the wife or vice versa. There should have been no reason for what he did to you. May allah guide him inshallah, ameen.

As for how you are hurt currently, patience (sabr karoo). Try talking to him about something you guys enjoy doing, by spending time together that might help. This may ease your feelings. I hope it did not offend you, I am just trying to think of ways that I believe that might aid you. There are plenty of ways to deal with stress, issues at work, and family concerns.

Anyway like the other sister said, we are all here for you. And take it from the old timer (me), everyone here is very wonderful and caring .

 

[iamlost]

Zahida:no problem,thats understandable..
hope all is well with you too.
I appreciate all the advice I got here,JAK for that.
Sabr is the key to patience indeed.
Last night while I was talking to my sister over the phone just randomly she started telling me about some dars she had been to that day and how the lady there was saying that we as humans complain a lot and whine and what not.when something goes wrong we get angry at that person maybe even curse him etc etc.what we as Muslims should do is pray to God as he never tests anyone beyond his or her limits.
I recall hearing this from somewhere but don't remember it well if it is a Hadess SAW maybe or not,that once in a village there were all people who were into all wrong stuff and sorts and just one pious man among the rest of them.and it was said that that pious man was to be punished the most as to why did he not preach the right ways to all those who were distracted.
It was along these lines,please correct me if I am wrong though.But if the man I am married to is doing sth wrong or not praying etc then isn't it my farz as his wife and as a Muslim to tell him what the right thing to do is...??...to set a practical example for him..??
If Allah SWT can forgive us,he is Ghafoor ur Raheem ,then what am I...just an ordinary person..why cant I give him another chance..??
Its not easy...Yesterday was better but today I feel doomed again.But it shall pass too IA.

KARATEKID:LOlz at the info.
thanks though!
I tried googling these kinds of things the other day and I came to know that its against US laws ,in all the states,to physically touch these women or do something there.
so maybe when he says that nothing happened he is telling the truth.
(it felt terrible googling such stuff...yukh)

the more I think about it the more I give myself a headache.I try my best not to think 24/7 about it.
I try to take this as an eye opener from God,for reasons only Allah knows best.Maybe an eye opener for me or for him,a bump in the road which can help in some way good in the long run.
and I just hope and pray that all this hope and faith I have does not break ever again...ameen and inshallah

 

[iamlost]

LIMITLESS:
thanks for your kind words.
Its indeed amazing how in times like these people from the virtual land can be life savers.JAK.
I dont want to be a nagging wife that is why I always believed that we all need our space.If one day of a 2 day weekend was what we spent together than I never had an issue with his spending time with a friend etc.
He exploited that trust I had in him and although I don't want to go to him and tell him this every single time but I guess its about time I do start nagging.And try to spend time in activities we both can enjoy.
Certain changes in daily lives and work routines so he hardly gets this much time to go to his so called friends.
And the most important thing I feel like I have to do is to try to make him a better Muslim and pray to God that he enlightens his heart with the love and practice of Islam,ameen.

I hope my decision was the best one and I stay strong.Ameen.

 

[limitless]

LIMITLESS:
thanks for your kind words.
Its indeed amazing how in times like these people from the virtual land can be life savers.JAK.
I dont want to be a nagging wife that is why I always believed that we all need our space.If one day of a 2 day weekend was what we spent together than I never had an issue with his spending time with a friend etc.
He exploited that trust I had in him and although I don't want to go to him and tell him this every single time but I guess its about time I do start nagging.And try to spend time in activities we both can enjoy.
Certain changes in daily lives and work routines so he hardly gets this much time to go to his so called friends.
And the most important thing I feel like I have to do is to try to make him a better Muslim and pray to God that he enlightens his heart with the love and practice of Islam,ameen.

I hope my decision was the best one and I stay strong.Ameen.

Ditto sis .

But, since you already made the decision to stay with him (again mashallah for that) you must be very strong like my mother is. Correct the mistakes that were in the past. Remember, you have to nourish the marriage everyday/moment so it does not die out. Especially in the early years, which you still are. I hope you guys are able to communicate freely, that is essiential and of course you won't sound nagging. I certainly hope he doesn't take that. You both have certain rights (islamically) so he should spend more time with you. By being together more, this will help build those connections that were never made or did, but not successful.

You guys should be of best friends to each, wife-best-friend and so on. I just believe that lack of spending time together, the open communication, probably resulted it, Allah allahim. It's just a speculation, not 100% correct.
Keep reciting Surah Yaseen , it helps me when I get depress and sad. And do extra prayer, that should help from experience it aided me a lot. Made me more optimistic, if that didn't i would listen to urdu or english qur'an or read the arabic one. But most importantly, the more time you spend with him, talking and etc, the better it should get, inshallah.

Keep smiling

p.s Look at my quotes, that should help. Lol i'd like everyone to take these quotes with them, for hope.

 

[Zahida]

Sis hope you are feeling better today. Don't worry over a period of time InshaAllah you will start to feel better. Ameen.............

No two days are the same, routine yes but no two days are the same. There will be days when you will be fine and days when you will be low. You are human it's ok to feel like that.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Ameen:bump1:

 

[iamlost]

Thanks so much...*hugz*

 

[faizacadday]

i wish you all the best and i will pray for you inshallah. you seem like a great person and hope allah answers you prayer and sets on you to the right path.