Help!!!

[Muslimah011]

Assalamu Alaikum, I am a muslim sister living in the West. For the past year i have gone through many difficulties and I losst hope and this led me to the wrong path and i started doing so many sins. I started doing so many horrible sins that would bee sooo embarressing to mention. Obviously the problems that i had went through the previous year would never justify my horrifying sins. I have tried so many times to stop these sins, but every time i would return to them again. One day my mother found out, she was really dissappointed in me. I promised and swore that i would never do them again. But unfortunately, i did return to them. and then i promised and swore again. But the same thing happened. And i continued with my sins without her noticing, but i swear i had the intention of stopping. And finally one day i got sooo sick of myself and disgustedd and i felt soo guilty and horrible. I vowed to repent to Allah and never return to my sins. The first couple of days i felt so good inside and i felt close to Allah alhmdlilah. I knew i was weak and i made duaa for Allah to give me strength. However, soon my mother soon found out that earlier i had broken her promise and swear. She turned my life into hell. Our relationship is totally destroyed now, we can never talk without fighting. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired and sick. I know that i have done soo many previous sins, but walahy i feel soo guilty about them and i repented and i started increasing my good deeds. My mom and me aren't the same at all. I have tried to be patient but i am tired, i have made duaa but i feel resented by Allah now. I feel that Allah is mad at me and is resenting me? I know that Allah never forgives a believer. how come i have this feeling? Are there certain people who Allah resents? Or is it that i am just so horrible and there's no hope in me. I swear i don't know what to do. I believe in Allah and i don't want to loose hope, but i am really tired. I am soo sick of everything. I really need help!! What should i do? imagine the screaming and fighting every minute for days. I really want to back to my normal life and i want to be a better Muslim. Please give me advice!

Assalamu Alaikum

 

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:

Hadith Qudsi 33:
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him), from among the things he reports from his Lord (mighty and sublime be He), is that he said:

A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you.

It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari).


Also read these Ahadith Qudsi and try to learn from their examples (they might increase you in closeness to Allah);
http://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/other/hadithqudsi.html