I have a female friend who has been close to me for almost 15 years. I want what is best for her, and therfor support her in her "curiosity" of Islam. She is a kind and good hearted person. I know that Allah uses us to support and teach others, and that He knows best, but some part of me is conflicted. She has ended a very long term relationship (not a marriage) and has a lot of other personal strife. Who could better help than Allah? I know this. My personal conflict is in knowing her so well, I'm afraid she sees my happiness in Islam and that Allah and Islam strengthens my marriage and thinks reversion will guarantee her this too. I have no doubt that Islam will bring peace and fulfillment to anyone who is sincere, but it's not as simple as say the Shahada and life is "perfect". I tried to explain only Jannah is perfect, but I felt like I was being negative, or that she felt like I was dissuading her. My question is: is it not my place to judge her sincerity and trust God to fortify her? Or is it my place as her friend to help fortify her sincerity? My husband says all we can do is give her the information and let her be willed appropriately by Allah. I agree that ultimately, that IS all we can really do. I just feel like I am somehow lacking as a sister in this situation. I trust Allah fully, if not myself and want to be helpful. Thank you for your advice.
Helping a friend who is considering reverting
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Welcome to the forum.
An interesting perception. I have read similar posts in a way that people turn to Allah when they hit a troubled patch in their lives. And then nothing changes. They then lose faith or start having doubts.
It is the expectations they have as though it is a miracle switch that cures.
The main thing to remember in these kinds of situation is that first, we must be submissive to the will of Allah. Closely followed by the second thing which is patience, to accept the good and the bad. Finally to keep striving ahead even if things appear to be crumbling all around.
I suppose being a muslim is about getting the mindset correct. If the mindset is full of worldly expectations, it will be a tough one.
Wishing you a great stay.
eace:
An interesting perception. I have read similar posts in a way that people turn to Allah when they hit a troubled patch in their lives. And then nothing changes. They then lose faith or start having doubts.
It is the expectations they have as though it is a miracle switch that cures.
The main thing to remember in these kinds of situation is that first, we must be submissive to the will of Allah. Closely followed by the second thing which is patience, to accept the good and the bad. Finally to keep striving ahead even if things appear to be crumbling all around.
I suppose being a muslim is about getting the mindset correct. If the mindset is full of worldly expectations, it will be a tough one.
Wishing you a great stay.
eace:Muslim Woman
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may Allah guides her to the Truth . U may invite her to join here .
Thank you for your responses. Greenhill, yes that was my main concern, that she might somehow come to blame God misfortunes of her own making....thereby cheating herself out of fulfillment. Failing to see it takes time and work to change negatives, Allah will be with you every step of the way but you still have to put the effort in etc etc. I felt like I was being judgemental. But what you and Muslim Woman say is true, it will all play out the way God has planned. I have decided that when she asks questions or mentions Islam I will say the simple truth: Allah knows best. Thank you for your help!
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Assalaamu alaikum Mrs M. Saleh,
(radiant) What a beautiful friend you are! May Allah Reward you for your caring for your friend!
I wonder, though, if you realize what a benefit it could be for your friend to get to know Allah better? If she has had (and is likely to have more) difficult times, have you thought that perhaps she needs God now more than ever? While it is not easy to be a Muslim, it seems to me that it is more difficult to be without Allah. Who else is always there when you cry out for help? I know for myself, that I do not know how I could cope without Allah in my life.
Regarding her expectations. (smile) Well, perhaps this is where you can be of help to her, too? Is it really negativity to tell her that life is to help us grow and learn how to get closer to God? That suffering is an integral part of this maturation process? That the seemingly bad things that happen to good people, may actually be good for them? And that the seemingly good things that happen to not-so-good people may actually harm them?
You could also be of great use to your friend. You could guide her through the common pitfalls that haunt reverts. Help her to find a good Muslim husband, not get conned by someone looking for immigration or money or quick fun... (reverts usually have no one to protect them from such sharks). You could help her avoid extreme ideologies and find the truly Middle Path of Islam. You could comfort her when she feels the pain of being rejected by members of her own culture...
There are many good deeds you could do for the sake of Allah, while helping her find something that is of great benefit to her... (smile) and I suspect she could be good for your own journey in Islam, too. (twinkle) There's nothing like questions to stimulate the deepening of one's own understandings (laugh! One of the reasons children are so wonderful for us, I think!).
Anyway, thanks for posting about this… it is always such a pleasure when reading kind and caring people.
May Allah, the Bestower, Bless both you and your friend through each other.
(radiant) What a beautiful friend you are! May Allah Reward you for your caring for your friend!
I wonder, though, if you realize what a benefit it could be for your friend to get to know Allah better? If she has had (and is likely to have more) difficult times, have you thought that perhaps she needs God now more than ever? While it is not easy to be a Muslim, it seems to me that it is more difficult to be without Allah. Who else is always there when you cry out for help? I know for myself, that I do not know how I could cope without Allah in my life.
Regarding her expectations. (smile) Well, perhaps this is where you can be of help to her, too? Is it really negativity to tell her that life is to help us grow and learn how to get closer to God? That suffering is an integral part of this maturation process? That the seemingly bad things that happen to good people, may actually be good for them? And that the seemingly good things that happen to not-so-good people may actually harm them?
You could also be of great use to your friend. You could guide her through the common pitfalls that haunt reverts. Help her to find a good Muslim husband, not get conned by someone looking for immigration or money or quick fun... (reverts usually have no one to protect them from such sharks). You could help her avoid extreme ideologies and find the truly Middle Path of Islam. You could comfort her when she feels the pain of being rejected by members of her own culture...
There are many good deeds you could do for the sake of Allah, while helping her find something that is of great benefit to her... (smile) and I suspect she could be good for your own journey in Islam, too. (twinkle) There's nothing like questions to stimulate the deepening of one's own understandings (laugh! One of the reasons children are so wonderful for us, I think!).
Anyway, thanks for posting about this… it is always such a pleasure when reading kind and caring people.
May Allah, the Bestower, Bless both you and your friend through each other.
First of all you must determine whether her interest in Islam is sincere. If it is, I would encourage her to read the Quran and maybe go to a local mosque. Before she can decide whether Islam is for her or not she must be thoroughly educated on our religion and our beliefs, our ways of life, and so forth. If she feels she wants to revert, then she will.