Hijab

[Sumaiya54]

Assalamu Aleikum and Ramadan Mubarak to you all, may your last 10 days be filled with blessings and worship Ameen

I reverted around a year ago and I've wanted to wear hijab ever since then. However, I still live with my parents (5 more years until college) and they do not want me to. They wouldn't rip it off my head or try and prevent me if I did so, just be very angry with me. If my extended family found out they would gossip about me and my family (they dont' know I am Muslim), and I do not think I have the heart to hurt my parents that way.

I feel as if I can not be a good Muslim without wearing hijab. It makes me sad and lowers my emaan because I cant give up enough for Allah SWT. For a long time I felt like there was a barrier between me and Allah SWT. Now it is slowly away, but I am scared that it will close up again because of my lack of hijab. I have made so much duaa, but I just can not put a simple cloth around my head.

Does anyone have any tips/motivations or advice for my situation?

JazakAllahu Khalir, and I would be very grateful if you could make duaa for me in this matter

 

[Nur Student]

Salamun Alaikum Sister,

Congratulations for your concern and struggle. I don't know what to say and advise exactly. Maybe the other members may be more helpful to you. The only thing I can say; read the below article about the wisdom in wearing hijab. Then maybe you can explain it to your parents and thus persuade them. May Allah help you and make it easy for you.

On Islamic Dress for Women
:bism:
In the Name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate.

​

O Prophet! Tell your wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons [when abroad] [to the end of the verse].(33:59)

This verse enjoins the veiling of women. However, dissolute civilization opposes this command of the Qur’an; it does not consider the veiling of women to be natural and says it is slavery of a sort.

T h e A n s w e r : We shall explain only four of the many instances of wisdom in this injunction of the Qur’an, showing that it is entirely natural and those who oppose it are opposing the innate disposition of women.

FIRST INSTANCE OF WISDOM

To veil themselves is natural for women and their innate dispositions demand it. For women are weak and delicate, and since they are in need of a man’s protection and help for themselves and for their children whom they love more than their own lives, they have a natural desire to make themselves loved and not loathed, and not to be rebuffed.

Also, seven out of ten women are either old or ugly and they do not want to show their age or unsightliness to everyone. Or they are jealous, and they do not want to appear ugly in relation to others who are more beautiful. Or they are frightened of assault or aspersions, and want by nature to cover themselves so as not to suffer assault, nor to be accused of unfaithfulness by their husbands. If noted carefully, it is seen that it is the elderly who hide themselves most. While only two or three out of ten women are both young and beautiful and do not feel uncomfortable at displaying themselves.

It is clear that people are discomforted at being looked at by people they do not like or find tedious; they are upset by it. If a beautiful immodestly dressed woman takes pleasure at two or three out of ten men who are canonically strangers looking at her, she is bored by the seven or eight. Also, since a woman with uncorrupted morals is sensitive and easily affected, she will certainly be distressed at dirty looks whose effects have been physically experienced, indeed, are poisonous. We even hear that in Europe, the place of open dress, many women are fed up at being the object of attention, and complain to the police, saying: “These brutes keep staring at us and disturbing us.” This means that present-day civilization’s unveiling women is contrary to their natures, while the Qur’an’s command to veil themselves is both inconformity with women’s natures, and saves them – those mines of compassion who may be worthy companions for all eternity – from degeneration, degradation, what is in effect slavery and wretchedness.

Furthermore, by nature women are fearful of men who are strangers, and are anxious at them. Fear naturally demands the veiling of women. For in addition to suffering the difficulty of bearing the load of a child for eight or nine months, which certainly embitters the eight or nine minutes’ pleasure, there is the possibility of suffering the calamity of bringing up a child for eight or nine years without protector. Since this happens frequently, by creation they truly fear strange men and by nature want to hide themselves from them. Being weak, their creation demands that through veiling themselves they do not excite the appetites of men outside the stipulated degrees of kinship, nor allow any opportunity for assault; their weak creation gives powerful warning. It shows that their cloaks and coats are shields and fortresses. The fact that, according to news received, the bare-legged wife of a high-ranking man in the world was accosted in the country’s capital, in the market-place in daylight in front of everyone by a common shoe-shiner, deals a slap in the shameless faces of those opposed to the veiling of women!

SECOND INSTANCE OF WISDOM

The geniune, intense relationship, love, and affection between men and women do not arise only from the needs of worldly life. Yes, a woman is a companion to her husband not only in this worldly life, she is his companion in eternal life too. Since she will be her husband’s companion in eternal life, she surely should not attract the looks of others besides her husband, her everlasting friend and companion, and should not offend him and make him jealous. In consequence of the mystery of belief, her believing husband’s relations with her are not confined to this worldly life and his love is not only animal and temporary, so long as her beauty lasts; he holds true, earnest love and respect for her because she will be his companion in eternal life. And he bears that love and respect for her, not only during her youth when she is beautiful, but also when she is old and unsightly. Certainly in return for this, she should show her beauties to him alone and restrict her love to him; this is demanded by humanity. Otherwise she would gain very little and lose much.

According to the Shari‘a, the husband should be a good match for the wife. That is, they should be suitable to one another. The most important aspect of this is with a view to religion.

Happy the husband who sees the wife’s firm religion and follows her, and himself becomes pious in order not to lose his companion of eternal life.Happy the wife who sees her husband’s firmness in religion and becomes pious so as not to lose her eternal friend.Alas for the man who becomes dissolute, which will lose him for ever that righteous woman.Alas for the woman who does not follow her pious husband and loses her eternal blessed friend.And a thousand woes on the unhappy husband and wife who imitate each other in sin and vice, helping one another to enter Hell-fire!

THIRD INSTANCE OF WISDOM

Happy family life is perpetuated through mutual confidence between husband and wife, and heartfelt respect and love. Immodest dress and free-and-easy behaviour destroy the confidence, and spoil the mutual respect and love. For out of ten women who favour immodest dress only one will not try to make herself liked by strangers because she does not find other men more attractive than her husband. Nine will find others better than their husbands. And only one out of twenty men will not find other women more attractive. Then besides the true love and mutual respect disappearing, it may arouse extremely ugly and base feelings, as follows:

By nature, men do not feel any lust towards those within the stipulated degrees of kinship like their sisters, because, since such relatives’ faces induce kindness and licit love due to their close kinship, it nullifies any sexual or lusty inclinations. But to leave uncovered parts of the body which according to the Shari‘a it is not permissible to expose to close relatives like the legs, may awaken extremely ugly feelings in men of low character. For the face of a close relative reminds the man of their close kinship and does not resemble the face of someone outside the degrees of kinship, but a bare leg is the same as that of canonical strangers. The leg does bear any distinguishing mark to recall the close kinship of its owner, so may arouse carnal feelings in the man. To look on such things is so degenerate as to make one’s hair stand on end.

FOURTH INSTANCE OF WISDOM

It is clear that everyone wants lots of children. There is no nation or government that does not support an increase in population. In fact, God’s Most Noble Messenger (Upon whom be blessings and peace) said: “Marry and increase, for at the Last Day I shall take pride in your large numbers.” (1) However, the abandoning of Islamic dress for women does not increase marriage, it decreases it significantly. For even the most lay-about and modern youth wants his wife to be chaste. He does not want her to be modern, that is, careless in questions of dress and morals like himself, and so remains single, and even frequents prostitutes.

Women are not like that, they cannot restrict their husbands’ behaviour to the same extent. Women’s most basic characteristics are loyalty and trustworthiness, since being the director of all the matters to do with the home, the woman is charged with protecting and preserving her husband’s property and possessions, and his children. Carelessness in dress and morality destroys that loyalty, and her husband loses confidence in her and makes her suffer pangs of conscience. In fact, if the two qualities of courage and generosity, which are desirable in men, are found in women, it damages this loyalty and confidence and so are undesirable for women and are considered to be bad qualities. But since the husband’s duty is not loyalty and stewardship, but protection, kindness, and respect, he cannot be restricted and refined, and may marry other women as well.

Our country cannot be compared with Europe, because there honour may be preserved to a degree by violent means such as the duel, despite immodest dress. The person who makes eyes at the wife of a self-respecting man takes his life in his hands, and then looks. Also the people of Europe are cold and frigid, like the climate. Asia, that is, the lands of Islam, are relatively torrid. It is well-known that the environment has an effect on people’s morality. Perhaps in those cold countries immodest dress does not stimulate the animal appetites and carnal desires of those cold people, and lead to abuse. But the carnal lusts of the easily influenced and sensitive people of hot countries are continually excited by immodest dress, which is thus the cause of much abuse and waste and the weakening of the young generation, and the loss of strength. Instead of answering natural needs one a month or every three weeks or so, a person considers it necessary every few days. And then, since he is obliged to avoid his wife for perhaps two weeks out of every month due to contingencies like her monthly period, if he is defeated by his appetites, he will incline to houses of ill-fame.

The veiling of women may not be abolished on the pretext of the women of small towns and villages and nomad women, for innocent working-women and somewhat coarse women being partially unveilled does not excite carnal desires since it is due to their working to secure their livelihoods and their physical, wearying labour. Moreover, since idle, lay-about men are few, and not even one in ten of the immoral men of the large towns can be found among them. Such a comparison should not therefore be made.

1. al-Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir, iii, 269, No: 3366; al-‘Ajluni, Kashf al-Khafa’, No: 1021; al-Suyuti, Jami‘ al-Saghir, No: 3366.

 

[Muslim Woman]

may Allah makes it easy for u sis . May be , take a headscarf in ur bag when u go out and use it when u are not with ur parents ? Also tell ur parents Mother Mary ra used to wear veil .

 

[sister herb]

I feel as if I can not be a good Muslim without wearing hijab. It makes me sad and lowers my emaan because I cant give up enough for Allah SWT. For a long time I felt like there was a barrier between me and Allah SWT.

Salam alaykum

Don´t worry what Allah thinks about your situation too much. He knows how you want to use hijab - in your heart. So to Him you already use it - maybe not in real but will to use it might be more important than actually use it. You can increase you emaan by other ways: reading the Quran, making good deeds and be kind to your parents. Some day they will learn to accept who you are - you are they dear daghter - with hijab or without hijab.

It was same when I accepted islam and started to use hijab. Now, after years, it is just ok to my parents. Just trust Allah - He makes everythings easy to you, sooner or later.

your sister

p,s, And advice of Muslim Woman was good too.

 

[Hulk]

Wa alaykumsalam, have you been to the masjid sis? I would suggest making an intention to wear the hijab in the future and slowly work towards it. Meaning you start of making it a habit to wear a hijab every time you go to the masjid. Eventually, (if you have other muslim sisters as friends) you can wear it when you go out with other muslim sisters. I think if you can try to achieve this for the next few months it would be good and inshaaAllah eventually you will feel more comfortable with wearing it more when you go out.

If your masjid has some sort of weekly class then perhaps you can join it and wear a hijab every week to attend. Most importantly pray for guidance and strength. Ask Allah for help in your strive to earn His pleasure. Remember that He has power over all things and all you have to do is put your trust in Him. You have no power over the outcome of your actions, so on your part all you can do is strive. Whatever happens take it as a blessing or a trial, either is good for the believer.

 

[WarriorforMarie]

I hope that things work out for the best for you and that your faith brings you much happiness.

 

[faithandpeace]

Assalamu alaikum,

Alhamdulillah on your embrace of Islam! May Allah (swt) make hijab easy on you. Ameen. Perhaps, you can try implementing it gradually. If your immediately family at least knows you are Muslim, then they can expect you will wish to attend masjid from time to time. Then they may insha'Allah open up to the idea of you at least wearing hijab when you go to masjid. As to other days, you could perhaps try to start off wearing basic headbands and then moving on to thicker/larger headbands. Maybe wear common Western caps, hats, etc. that will get people increasingly used to the idea of your hair being covered. Maybe then start wearing small scarves that cover your hair but leave the neck exposed but then start wearing higher-neckline clothing and then when you are ready to wear the complete hijab, people will insha'Allah be so used to all of this by then, they may not even notice the change. If you cannot make a sudden change, a gradual change can still make a world of difference and continue to strengthen your iman insha'Allah.