How can we know if we have enough taqwa to seek a wife?

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Assalamualaikum,

how can we know if we're ready to seek for a wife? It's always very simple to set high standards but how can we know whether we fit into that standards we're expecting from others? What should we do, when we do have attitudes we don't like at ourselves? What when we try to change ourselves but have problems doing so. Though marriage would be a good solution and could help us to change. At least it is your intention to get married to get rid of that bad habits and improve your character and your deen. However, you do not like them (the bad habits) and they keep you away from seeking a wife, though you feel lonely. It's bit like a vicious cycle.

Times arrive you find yourself in a high state of taqwaa and another time you feel like the biggest munafiq. Are that reason to not seek for a wife? Nobody is perfect, we cannot expect a perfect wife as our wife cannot expect a perfect husband. My worries are only that after marriage it crystallize all the attitudes of the wife that doesn't fit in the concepts of Quran and Sunnah. Or what to do, when you see she is totally different and want to fight all the time and her way to solve fights is by yelling and creating drama, instead of speaking like a human being. How can we know that prior marriage?

That are many different question, I know.
 
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Walaikumasalaam,

Good questions. As believers i don't think we should ever stop self-evaluating ourselves. Only then are we able to move forward and learn and improve from our weaknesses insha Allah.

Maybe you can ask everyone who knows your potential spouse and ask basic questions. For example, neighbours, friends, extended family and so on but please bear in mind people's perception of a human being can be very distorted.

Also, try and arrange a meet-up with your potential spouse with the dad/brother etc present in sha Allah.

Pray ishthikhra prayer in sha Allah and Allah will guide you.

Try and spend as much time as you can with the family as the saying goes - you marry into the family as well as the wife/husband.

Also, have a read of this article; http://islamqa.info/en/96584

The above article outlines the qualities that a woman should have etc.

May Allah swt make your decision easy for you Ameen.
 
Maybe you can ask everyone who knows your potential spouse and ask basic questions. For example, neighbours, friends, extended family and so on but please bear in mind people's perception of a human being can be very distorted.
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That's the point. I think one who gets asked about a certain person you intend to marry, needs the understanding of what you're are seeking for. For instance you want to know about her religiosity and ask a person about her about that, who doesn't have that understanding of religiosity. So he'll answer, yes of course she's religious she wears hijab, but he doesn't consider more important things, as akhlaq etc. Do I have a good akhlaq? How can I know?

Unfortunately no decision to make yet. Do not know how to proceed.
 
new2010 said:
That's the point. I think one who gets asked about a certain person you intend to marry, needs the understanding of what you're are seeking for. For instance you want to know about her religiosity and ask a person about her about that, who doesn't have that understanding of religiosity. So he'll answer, yes of course she's religious she wears hijab, but he doesn't consider more important things, as akhlaq etc. Do I have a good akhlaq? How can I know?

Unfortunately no decision to make yet. Do not know how to proceed.
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If i was in this situation i would personally, spend a lot of time with the family before i make any decision.

Usually (but not in all cases), most of the qualities are internalised within the home setting, so by spending time with the family, in sha Allah, you will pick up the family's habits/mentality/culture/religious levels etc.

I know as human beings we all put on an appearance sometimes around people so this is why it's probably best if you take someone with you i.e. parents as they can probably see things in a different light and of course, our parents are more knowledgeable in this area as they have the experience and age behind them etc.

If she uses social media i would also be keen to visit these social pages and have a read of the posts to try and understand the girl's mindset and so on.

Try and find out what your potential spouse likes to do in her spare time because her hobbies and interests will also speak for itself.

Another key topic you could bring up is the wedding itself and what your potential spouse and her family is expecting in terms of the format and how much of the religion she and her family want to follow/discuss the upbringing of children/how your potential spouse would like to live after marriage/does she want to live with your parents, buy your own house, live in same locality, does she read her salaah everyday/fast/what she is expecting from you as a husband and so on.

These are some of my ideas.

May Allah swt help you make a good decision Ameen.
 
Assalamualaikum.

How do you know that you are worth to have a wife?.

Okay, I will tell something. In my place there are many men who married women who introduced by their friends or colleagues. And it's happen not because those men beg like "Oh please, introduce me to a girl". But because initiative of their friends or colleagues that propose "Bro, you should have a wife. So, how if I introduce you to a girl?".

In my place, if people take initiative to introduce you to a girl, or motivate you to looking for a wife, it's mean in the people eyes you are worth to have a wife.

Frankly, I don't know about your culture. But maybe not so different.

:)
 
What when I got asked a few years ago, but I felt like I am indeed not worth having a wife?
 
Is it necessary to have taqwa to seek a wife?
Muslim should marry as soon as he or she gets mature so that he or she would not commit zina
 

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