How do I deal with an abusive father?

[zahir.zahir]

السلام عليكم


I’m making this post because I’m not sure where else I can ask and seek help regarding this matter. If anyone is able to advise me, JazakAllah Khair.


I don’t really like my father. Over the years I have grown to dislike him as opposed to how I used to miss him and admire him in the past. I’m now in my late teens and I don’t know how to deal with this. There’s a lot to say about him but I’ll keep this short.


My father is the reason me and my family are at risk of being homeless. He is the reason why we are living in overcrowded conditions. He is the reason that we aren’t able to afford much luxuries. It’s at the point where he begs others for money since he doesn’t have a job. When he does get money he spends it all on cigarettes or eating out, not considering us.


I’ve always been afraid of him because of his short temper. I often find my father in a fit of rage or throwing a tantrum, because he has to do chores or if he doesn’t get money lent to him. He also makes me uncomfortable, getting too close to me and treating me like a child. I don’t tell him anything because he doesn’t care and I don’t want his involvement.


I understand that Islam asks that we treat our parents with compassion and respect but it’s really hard to do so. I’ve been suffering from mild depression and his impact on my life has contributed to it. I honestly don’t know what to do and feel hopeless. I wonder if we’d ever get our own house, if I’d get my own room m, if we could afford our basic needs whenever. How do I deal with this?


JazakAllah Khair

 

[سيف الله]

Salaam

That's a tricky one bro, maybe this thread will help.

https://www.islamicboard.com/general/134349724-mum-taking-life.html

 

[Mahir Adnan]

so sad, there are some keystone habit in family. if you are able to find that, perhaps whole family will change. https://paulminors.com/power-habit-charles-duhigg-book-summary-pdf/
you can try the complete book. however, what can you do? you can't beat your dad or teach him a good lesson. just fulfill your responsibility. remember, there are so many others leading a subhuman life, Allah has kept you In a better position than that. try to find some pious friends whose words calm downs heart. you can read this inspirational book too,but quran and hadith are better than it(believe it or not) http://www.orgone.ro/doc/The-Power-of-Now.pdf

 

[azc]

:wa:

Try to find a job to support your family.

Keep patience.

 

[سيف الله]

Salaam

This is a difficult one but Ill try my best to give you good advice.

I know it sounds selfish but put your needs first. You need to put him out of your mind, keep your distance and just nod and agree with what he says, try to keep the friction to a minimum. Obviously Islamically we should respect our parents but it goes both ways, parents shouldn't abuse the power they have over you, and judging by your description hes NOT acting like a good Islamic parent.

You should go out and try to find work, a small job, just get on the ladder and start saving, take care of your finances, plan for the future. Then you can plan for your career, what you want to do for the rest of your life. He cant object to his son taking an adult, responsible, self reliant attitude.

Also take care of yourself, go to the gym, take up a hobby, keep yourself well dressed and well groomed. Socialise with other people.

Do you have family who can help you? Talk some sense into him? If not and if hes not willing to be reasonable then you'll regrettably have to break free, find a place for you (and your family) to stay.

Keep the door open though to reconciliation, people can change.

Like I say brother you dont have to agree with what I say, but having experienced friends and family going through this there is no easy way out. Some tough decisions are going to have to be made, better sooner rather than later.

Good luck brother and stay in touch

 

[Supernova]

السلام عليكم


I’m making this post because I’m not sure where else I can ask and seek help regarding this matter. If anyone is able to advise me, JazakAllah Khair.


I don’t really like my father. Over the years I have grown to dislike him as opposed to how I used to miss him and admire him in the past. I’m now in my late teens and I don’t know how to deal with this. There’s a lot to say about him but I’ll keep this short.


My father is the reason me and my family are at risk of being homeless. He is the reason why we are living in overcrowded conditions. He is the reason that we aren’t able to afford much luxuries. It’s at the point where he begs others for money since he doesn’t have a job. When he does get money he spends it all on cigarettes or eating out, not considering us.


I’ve always been afraid of him because of his short temper. I often find my father in a fit of rage or throwing a tantrum, because he has to do chores or if he doesn’t get money lent to him. He also makes me uncomfortable, getting too close to me and treating me like a child. I don’t tell him anything because he doesn’t care and I don’t want his involvement.


I understand that Islam asks that we treat our parents with compassion and respect but it’s really hard to do so. I’ve been suffering from mild depression and his impact on my life has contributed to it. I honestly don’t know what to do and feel hopeless. I wonder if we’d ever get our own house, if I’d get my own room m, if we could afford our basic needs whenever. How do I deal with this?


JazakAllah Khair

Asalaamaulaykum

The harsh reality here is that no one here can give you an answer that will magically solve your situation out - its not like you're asking a fiqh question.

Your situation is a Islamic social welfare problem and needs hands on face to face communication. That means you either have to get Family or local Ulema involved.

 

[truthseeker63]

Good question.