[AnonymousPoster]

Increase the love between my husband and I?

 

[ahmed_indian]

1. keep praying to Allah

2. study about rights and duties in Islamic marriage

3. become his servant and he'll become yours.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

1. Always try to please Allah swt.

On the authority of `A`ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) it is reported
that Allah's Messenger (saas ) said:

"Whoever seeks Allah's Pleasure at the expense of men's displeasure, will
win Allah's Pleasure and Allah (swt ) will cause men to be pleased with him.
And whoever seeks to please men at the expense of Allah's Displeasure, will
win the Displeasure of Allah (swt ) and Allah (swt ) will cause men to be
displeased with him." (Narrated by Ibn Hibban in his Saheeh)

2. Way to a man's heart is through his mouth.
Cook good food that pleases him.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

from what i was listening to from lecture last week:
eye contact when you speak to one another
increasing your deeds
skin contact
preserving marital secrets


also got this from the lecture:
try to understand each others mentality...for a brother, realize that your wives are emotional/feelers etc...so buy her a nice red rose...words/compliments will win her over..

for a sis realize that your husbands are logical/thinkers: his way of expressing his love is diff to yours...his way is by his renting you a house, financially providing for you, etc

so by understanding each others mentalities, you understand one another better, and hence your love for one another (inshallah) will be strong

compliments and being careful of saying something that may hurt the other without you realizing it...


from me:
go for a weekend away or something...
try to be interested in and do the things he does...

 

[Sahabiyaat]

3. become his servant and he'll become yours.

lets just hope this was a joke

moving on!

im not married but i think ; listening to him is good, by which i mean if he asks you to dress in a certain way or do things a certain way, even if u may not be too pleased to do it, do it for him to show your obedience, and ur willingnes to please him

leave a note under his pillow saying i love you.

 

[FatimaAsSideqah]

Love and cherish your husband as a companionable and gracious gift of divine mercy. But do not fasten your love to him physical beauty, which swiftly fades. This can be achieved by showing affection and amity to the husband and by infusing the home atmosphere with feelings of love, joy and kindness. You should provide him with ways of enjoying your beauty and satisfy his desires and prevent him the temptation of throwing himself into the traps of forbidden desires.

Insha'Allah. it will helpful for you.

 

[nebula]

Im not marrried but if i was id love it if my wife baked me a cake lol , try cooking him his favourite meal, tell him how much you he means to you and vice versa and do dua to Allah to keep love between your hearts inshallah! Oh yeah and Pray together that would be nice.

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Du’aa’. There is nothing that Allaah cannot do on earth or in heaven, Patience, tell him you love him dress in the cloth he likes , meet him with a smile on face,Beautify and perfume yourself, oh and tell him good news and delay any bad news until he has rested , have food ready and on time most men love that You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job Allah is Al Razaq, support him when he is down hmm if you mistake apologize if he does what until he cools down to talk about it.. many other things dont pop into head at moment when they do ill add more
"Rabbana aatina fi'd dunya hasana wa fi'l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar." [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire]
Ameen Thumma Ameen

 

[Snowflake]

adding on...

1. Comb his hair/beard (sometimes)
2. After washing his clothes, perfume then before hanging up ready for him
3. Offer to remove his shoes/socks when he comes in shattered from work and give him a bowl of hot water to soak his tired tooties in. Offer tea etc.
4. Serve him nice food on time.
5. Draw a flowery border on a sheet of paper, address it to him with sweet words
6. If he likes having a hot soak, fill the bath (add bubble bath or relaxing essential oils, have his towel/bathrobe ready etc and light candles and place around bathroom to create a soft relaxing ambience (no electric lights). Give him a chilled drink to enjoy while he soaks.
7. Give him plenty of hugs and cuddles etc.
8. Make him feel you really missed him when he comes home. Smile, hug etc..
9. Listen to what he says attentively without interrupting him then say what you have you. If you disagree with anything, keep your tone neutral, not angry etc.
10. Honour him and show him your love by respecting his family and being like a daughter to them.
11. Never waste his money.
12. Keep yourself beautified for him. (A pain I know but men like seeing beauty).
13. Arrange a surprise outing.
14. Now and then, create romantic atmosphere in bedroom with candles, flowers and esp. rose petals on bed.
15. Give him massage with scented oils.
16. Keep telling him you love him so much. (That's right brain-wash him) LOL!
17. Be steadfast in your deen. Make lots of duaa to Allah for his health, barakah in his earnings, his deen and akhirah and ask Allah to bless your marriage and make it pleasing to Him.
18. Don't ever let pride hold you back from showing your love.
19. Appreciate him as a gift and blessing from Allah. And thank Allah as much as you can. Allah loves those who thank Him and will increase His mercy and blessings on you both.
20. Be happy. Allah has given you an opportunity to please your husband and therefore please Him through it.

Hubbies and hubbies-to-be... I hope that's also made you think how you can also keep your wives happy. InshaAllah.


wa salam.

 

[burdenofbeing]

nice tips SoJ.
I personally would find some of them tacky and unnecessarily complicated. probably because you are reflecting some of them

In fact, and I'm totally honest, I don't know any guy who would like his hair combed. One of the main differences between men and women for some reason.

to AnonymousGender (though I guess it's not that anonymous anymore...)

First of all, as evident in your question, the best course is to increase the love between each other. Not his love for you. That was a nice phrasing.

My manly tips to increase his love:

Main tip: We are children. We don't grow up. Act accordingly.

- Play games together. I can't stress this enough. And try to win!

- Breakfast. Delicious, delicious breakfast.

- Ask his help for things he will most probably do. Get him jars to open, ask him to help with small chores. If he is in a good mood, ask him to cook for you. Always compliment his awesomeness. This will also get him to appreciate what you do even more.

- Keep a balance in your affection. Don't show too much, and never too little.

- Women naturally have an ability to imitate their man's taste&hobbies. Nurture that ability. We love teaching and telling what we do, especially if you are interested. And it's cute to see you struggle. hehe.

- When you want something, tell him. Seriously, don't give obvious tips. Just tell it.

- Don't ask for things you know he won't do. Important.

- Beauty never hurts.

That's about it I guess.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

- Women naturally have an ability to imitate their man's taste&hobbies.

we do? first ive heard of it :hiding: ...

 

[burdenofbeing]

that's because it's so natural.

seriously though, o__o
they somehow start liking the music their man listens to, movies he likes and etc. I've seen many examples of it. Generally they seem oblivious to the fact that they are imitating.

 

[Raudha]

nice tips SoJ.
I personally would find some of them tacky and unnecessarily complicated. probably because you are reflecting some of them

In fact, and I'm totally honest, I don't know any guy who would like his hair combed. One of the main differences between men and women for some reason.

to AnonymousGender (though I guess it's not that anonymous anymore...)

First of all, as evident in your question, the best course is to increase the love between each other. Not his love for you. That was a nice phrasing.

My manly tips to increase his love:

Main tip: We are children. We don't grow up. Act accordingly.

- Play games together. I can't stress this enough. And try to win!

- Breakfast. Delicious, delicious breakfast.

- Ask his help for things he will most probably do. Get him jars to open, ask him to help with small chores. If he is in a good mood, ask him to cook for you. Always compliment his awesomeness. This will also get him to appreciate what you do even more.

- Keep a balance in your affection. Don't show too much, and never too little.

- Women naturally have an ability to imitate their man's taste&hobbies. Nurture that ability. We love teaching and telling what we do, especially if you are interested. And it's cute to see you struggle. hehe.

- When you want something, tell him. Seriously, don't give obvious tips. Just tell it.

- Don't ask for things you know he won't do. Important.

- Beauty never hurts.

That's about it I guess.

Wonderful advice brother..I'm sure it will be helpful to all the sisters

 

[ahmed_indian]

adding on...

1. Comb his hair/beard (sometimes)
2. After washing his clothes, perfume then before hanging up ready for him
3. Offer to remove his shoes/socks when he comes in shattered from work and give him a bowl of hot water to soak his tired tooties in. Offer tea etc.
4. Serve him nice food on time.
5. Draw a flowery border on a sheet of paper, address it to him with sweet words
6. If he likes having a hot soak, fill the bath (add bubble bath or relaxing essential oils, have his towel/bathrobe ready etc and light candles and place around bathroom to create a soft relaxing ambience (no electric lights). Give him a chilled drink to enjoy while he soaks.
7. Give him plenty of hugs and cuddles etc.
8. Make him feel you really missed him when he comes home. Smile, hug etc..
9. Listen to what he says attentively without interrupting him then say what you have you. If you disagree with anything, keep your tone neutral, not angry etc.
10. Honour him and show him your love by respecting his family and being like a daughter to them.
11. Never waste his money.
12. Keep yourself beautified for him. (A pain I know but men like seeing beauty).
13. Arrange a surprise outing.
14. Now and then, create romantic atmosphere in bedroom with candles, flowers and esp. rose petals on bed.
15. Give him massage with scented oils.
16. Keep telling him you love him so much. (That's right brain-wash him) LOL!
17. Be steadfast in your deen. Make lots of duaa to Allah for his health, barakah in his earnings, his deen and akhirah and ask Allah to bless your marriage and make it pleasing to Him.
18. Don't ever let pride hold you back from showing your love.
19. Appreciate him as a gift and blessing from Allah. And thank Allah as much as you can. Allah loves those who thank Him and will increase His mercy and blessings on you both.
20. Be happy. Allah has given you an opportunity to please your husband and therefore please Him through it.

Hubbies and hubbies-to-be... I hope that's also made you think how you can also keep your wives happy. InshaAllah.


wa salam.

i think i will give this note to my wife-to-be.

do u have another list for us: 'how to please our wives'?

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

i think i will give this note to my wife-to-be.

do u have another list for us: 'how to please our wives'?

the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “And treat women with kindness, and treat women with kindness.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5186; Muslim, 1468.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk, and I am the best of you to my womenfolk.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3314.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895) and Ibn Maajah (1977); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

 

[Snowflake]

burdenofbeing;1127096]nice tips SoJ.
I personally would find some of them tacky and unnecessarily complicated. probably because you are reflecting some of them

Thank you. Something is only as tacky as you think it to be, lol! And no, not everything I mentioned is from own experience but rather my ex-hubbies ideas. But I agree if some of these things are done everyday they would become complicated and dull. I think everyone knows when is the best time to do something special.

In fact, and I'm totally honest, I don't know any guy who would like his hair combed. One of the main differences between men and women for some reason.

Hehe not everyday. I'm sure both spouses would find this overboard. But yeh my mum used to put oil in my dads hair and comb it. It made him feel like a king, i think

- Play games together. I can't stress this enough. And try to win!

No way! This makes me feel so old! I'm hopeless at games and I hope I find a hubby who is equally useless. Wii sports is fun though.

- Keep a balance in your affection. Don't show too much, and never too little

.
I disagree. This may work for some. But if a hubby has low self-esteem he needs the extra affection.

- Women naturally have an ability to imitate their man's taste&hobbies. Nurture that ability. We love teaching and telling what we do, especially if you are interested. And it's cute to see you struggle. hehe.

- When you want something, tell him. Seriously, don't give obvious tips. Just tell it.

- Don't ask for things you know he won't do. Important.

- Beauty never hurts.

That's about it I guess.

Interesting. But why not ask him to do things he won't do? What if you can't do them yourself?

i think i will give this note to my wife-to-be.

do u have another list for us: 'how to please our wives'?

LOL! Here's one bro who likes those tips! You go bro! May Allah grant you a wife like that. Ameen

 

[burdenofbeing]

Thank you. Something is only as tacky as you think it to be, lol! And no, not everything I mentioned is from own experience but rather my ex-hubbies ideas. But I agree if some of these things are done everyday they would become complicated and dull. I think everyone knows when is the best time to do something special.

well, of course I wouldn't know about your husband, but candlelight, oil massage, rose petals, really do sound like what women want. and I know they want them.

No way! This makes me feel so old! I'm hopeless at games and I hope I find a hubby who is equally useless. Wii sports is fun though.

not all games have to be computer games. also, playing games with your partner, is sunnah.

I disagree. This may work for some. But if a hubby has low self-esteem he needs the extra affection.

IMO balance is always key. humans get used to things easily. smothering someone with affection have lots of negative effects.

for example, we men like to hunt. it's in our blood. considering how us muslim men don't go around flirting with women, that need has to be sustained with our women.

fluctuating affection keeps things fresh. at least one should think of it as contrasting, outlining.

for a hubby with low self esteem, I think it's even a worse idea. you make him overly dependant, and enable his lack of confidence. I know this for a fact. It's still possible that I'm misunderstanding the complete picture. Nonetheless, my advice is IMO, much more generally applicable.

Interesting. But why not ask him to do things he won't do? What if you can't do them yourself?

it depends on the thing that you want done of course.
if it HAS to be done, it has to be done.
What I mean is, saying "no" or "we can't" or "not yet" over and over for the same things get tiring, and it's painful each time.


Though, I admit, circumstances may be too different for these to be applicable to everyone. I always get amazed by how different and painful pakistani relations are, for example.

 

[Snowflake]

well, of course I wouldn't know about your husband, but candlelight, oil massage, rose petals, really do sound like what women want. and I know they want them.

Correction: ex-husband! ffended:

OK, but if a wife makes the effort in doing those things, would it mean something to the husband? Maybe not the actual things but her efforts and thoughts? Would it make the hubby feel more loved?

not all games have to be computer games. also, playing games with your partner, is sunnah.

Yeh agreed. But I can see how popular computer games are with brothers. It's scary! Makes me feel I'm lacking.

IMO balance is always key. humans get used to things easily. smothering someone with affection have lots of negative effects.

for example, we men like to hunt. it's in our blood. considering how us muslim men don't go around flirting with women, that need has to be sustained with our women.

fluctuating affection keeps things fresh. at least one should think of it as contrasting, outlining.

for a hubby with low self esteem, I think it's even a worse idea. you make him overly dependant, and enable his lack of confidence. I know this for a fact. It's still possible that I'm misunderstanding the complete picture. Nonetheless, my advice is IMO, much more generally applicable.

In the practical sense, a husband and wife don't get much time with each other. For instance he is out at work all day. In between, salah, cooking cleaning and taking care of kids, there's not much time to show affection. So what I meant was that when you do show affection, it should not be 'cool' but to the extent that your spouse knows you love them and it makes them happy.

it depends on the thing that you want done of course.
if it HAS to be done, it has to be done.
What I mean is, saying "no" or "we can't" or "not yet" over and over for the same things get tiring, and it's painful each time.

Of course things have to be prioritized. Things like getting the washing machine fixed are urgent and if a hubby keep saying 'later', ' when i'm free' then it gets painful for the wife to keeps saying it too. So if hubbies dont want the pain of being nagged, then they should do whats to be done. *you listening husbands/to-be*

Though, I admit, circumstances may be too different for these to be applicable to everyone. I always get amazed by how different and painful pakistani relations are, for example.

I agree with your first sentence but what do you mean by pakistani relations being painful? I'd be interested to know.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Of course things have to be prioritized. Things like getting the washing machine fixed are urgent and if a hubby keep saying 'later', ' when i'm free' then it gets painful for the wife to keeps saying it too. So if hubbies dont want the pain of being nagged, then they should do whats to be done. *you listening husbands/to-be*

ditto

 

[burdenofbeing]

well if the machine is not working you have your hands! my mother didn't have a washing machine you ungrateful woman!



About pakistan.. well, it's all these stories I heard from both pakistani people and people familiar with them. Things about in-laws, tyrant parents, incredible shyness of both parties, severe undereducation about sex and all that. One example I remember very clearly was about a couple who couldn't have sex for 3 years because both were afraid to make the first move..