How do you communicate to your parents...?

[AnonymousPoster]

How do you communicate to your parents?

a) on an overall basis
b) when an issue comes up

My parents have raised me to believe life revolves around going to a great college and having a great job. It's the way they have been raised too. It's made a person who feels contempt for people who didn't go to the "best" colleges and have the "best" jobs. I end up judging people against these measurements too. I wish I didn't b/c I know the best person is one who is closest in to God, as in he or she has lots of faith. But the biggest problem is that when I accepted Islam, i had to change my way of thinking, and the hardest part of that was trying to stop "please others" society and parents.

I've miserable all of my life b/c I did everything just for others and my "image." It's just been one hell of life, trying to prove myself to people. To people who don't care about me. I've tried so hard.... to be what America wants me to be. I wore the outfits. I shopped at abercrombie, pacsun, I wore jeans, I straightened my hair, I wore earring, necklaces, I went to the movies, I swore alot, I talked like the average teenager with shallow conversations and stupid interjections, I got the grades, I was empathetic so people would like me too, I was kind to people because partly I was afraid, and partly because I wanted them to like me. Living in the suburbs, there was immense pressure to be a certain of pressure, growing up. I did everything not because I wanted to do it for a good reason but because I was afraid as a child and I didn't want to be different.

I was so tired of it. It gets easier once you get away from schoolchildren and grow up, but I still feel immersed in that world b/c of its effects on me.
Nothing I do feels sincere. I am so tired of outside pressures, everytime I sin, I don't fear God, I fear what people will think of me. It's stupid, I know. I should have grown out of it. But I try so hard.

I want to tell my parents to stop pressuring me b/c I'm not going to do anything bad :enough!: I just want whatever my good deeds to be sincere.
They just don't get it. They want me to be happy, but they don't realize that I want the same things they want me to have, but for different motives.

All this pressure has caused serious problems for me: depression, bipolarity, irritability, serious paranoia, binge eating, diabetes, high cholesterol, skin disease, chemical imbalance in my blood, cynicism, pessimism, disinterest in life, laziness...
I was already a sensitive, weak person but I don't think I can take anymore.
I've been crying all morning.
I know other people have it so much worse than I do. but right now, logical thought is out of the question. My head hurts too much.
Every sinceI accepted Islam, I get this false sense of security or hope because I feel like the things I'm doing, I'm doing for Allah (swt) but I'm not. I just continue to be miserable.
I want to talk to my parents, I just have a really bad relationship with them. As a family, we all hate each other. We only get along when we're either joking around. It's not that the good joking around. It's the joking where a bunch of pessismists sit around and tell sarcastic and cynical jokes.


It seems like i always chose my desires over the right thing. I can't keep up with my prayers because I'd rather do nothing or watch t.v.
It's like a cycle.

 

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakahtuhu dear sis,


Hang in there hun. Everything is changeable if one wants it to be. The truth is that no matter how we are, we can never please everyone or anyone for that matter. It never leads to personal and spiritual fulfilment and whittles away a part of us instead. But my dear sis, we can please Allah and instead of it destroying us, it makes us stronger and able to cope with hardships we face.


You need healing inside and out. Take a firm grip of Islam and let it pull you out of the dark pit you're in. It once pulled humanity out of the darkness of ignorance and enlighted us on how to cope with life in this world. With guidence through Islam, life needn't be hell for you anymore.


Life is what we make it. Turn to Allah and ask for His help. The duaa is a believers weapon, bears no weight, costs nothing and yet is powerful enough to strike down the demons inside you. Use it.


For a muslim, life has a purpose. We are not like animals wandering around only worrying about where our next meal is coming from. We have a goal to attain - Jannah. The first step in always the hardest, yet the journey of a thousand miles begins with that first step. Have the courage to take that first step sis. Pick up the Holy Qur'an and read it little by little with understanding. Allah has made the Quran a source of healing and Mercy of Allah subhana wa ta'ala. I must stress sis that my own depression eased since the daily recital of the Holy Quran became a habit. In fact, I know feel like I'd be lying if I said I suffer with depression. At present I don't feel depressed at all.



Our sufferings are nothing compared to the Prophet salallahu alahi wasallam and the early muslims. We face our own personal demons yet they faced nations and nations who wanted their destruction. Read about Islamic history sis and once you realise that your problem is small in comparison, you will feel it is easier to tackle inshaAllah.


I know how difficult it is to offer salah when faced with depression. But make the effort of starting. Allah subhana wa ta'ala is most Forgiving and Merciful. He knows our weaknesses and is patient. Start by praying the obligatory rakahs (fardh). If you cannot pray all five time, pray four times, if you cannot do that, pray three times, if even that is diffcult, pray twice. But if depression is crippling you so badly then at least make the effort to pray once. In that salah make duaa to Allah to help you, heal you and make it easy for you. You must turn to Him if you want His help.



We cannot change the past sis. But we can learn from it. We know that pleasing others is to no avail- espeically when that pleasing is not for the sake of Allah. But pleasing Allah is of endless benefits in this life and our next one.


I have learnt one thing, not just through myself but from others around me. And that is that the ugly circumstances we face are due to us being far from Allah.. our lives void of His help and blessings. But the instance we start walking towards Him, all that changes. He is the only One who appreciates our efforts and never knocks us down for trying to please Him. Turn to Him sis and have faith that as long as you are sincere, He will be there for you. In Him you will find the best Friend, the best Protector and best Assistor and Helper that you will ever need.


I will pray for you my dear sis. If there's anything else I can do, please don't shy from saying. I love you fi sabilillah (for the sake of Allah) and want to see you better, inshaAllah.



wa alaikum asalam wa rahmatullah wa barakahtuhu