[AnonymousPoster]

I've just learnt a women in my family has fornicated with a guy in the back of a car and finding it really hard to deal with. I all ways looked at her as a decent girl who would never do such a thing

I'm finding it hard to come to terms with, I've called her all the abusive names under the sun.

 

[جوري]

have you spoken with her about this? confronted her? do you know this fornication to be a fact and not hearsay?

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيراً مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ {12}
[SIZE=-1][Pickthal 49:12] O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful


[/SIZE]

 

[Alpha Dude]

I'm finding it hard to come to terms with, I've called her all the abusive names under the sun.

I understand why you would feel this way, but (assuming it's true) you have to stop yourself from judging. Hate the sin and not the sinner. Nobody is perfect and everybody is susceptible to the whispers of the shaytan, even you. Try your best to guide her with mercy.

Never hold yourself to be above anybody else and beyond making the same mistakes. Thank Allah for the guidance and protection he has given you and make dua that others gain the same understanding and more. A reminder to myself first.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

When our beloved sallallahi alaihi wasallaam was unsure of this due to rumours regarding his beloved wife, Aaisha, until it was clarified by Allaah (the story of ifk), he simply advised her "if it is true, repent and seek forgiveness from Allaah".


and he kept his distance. And he gave the cold shoulder.



i suggest you take the same stance. Show her that she has distanced herself with her sins, and she needs to repent and come closer to Allaah, and with that your family will overtime (this is very important, OVER TIME) forgive her! be harsh with her at the beginning, and slowly be gentle..


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

be utterly heartbroken, kick her a$$, then i'd come to a realization that i couldn't do anything about it and that i should channel that anger into something useful and that would be to encourage her to repent and give dawah to her to change her ways.
i wouldn't go to 2 extremes: 1. be kind and gentle as if she didn't do anything wrong and 2: be excessively stern with her because there is no point if that anger isn't channeled towards something useful.
in the former situation, you might as well as be praising her, she wont learn from her mistake and think she is doing something right so this is where the latter comes in: with the anger she knows she is doing something wrong, but at the same time it will lead her towards something good, inshallah.

EDIT: i forgot to mention i would make sure 100% and try to verify these claims before i did anything.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

First off, you cant ever be sure whoever told you told you the truth unless she herself admitted to the deed.

Second, its not your job to judge or punish her.

Third, dont ask for a pity parade, suck it up and move on no one is perfect.

Fourth, as a muslimah you should be kind, courteous and respectful to everyone regardless of what you feel inside. This girl IF she did do what someone claims she did, she needs guidance and encouragement to repent and move into the right direction, who knows--maybe you could be that person.

Fifth, i dont care who you are, what religion, what race, what ethnicity no one should call anyone names ESPECIALLY not a muslimah.

 

[Muslim Woman]

I've just learnt a women in my family has fornicated .

How do u know ? Do u have 4 witnesses ?

And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).
( سورة النور , An-Noor, Chapter #24, Verse #4)

 

[cat eyes]

i think the anonymous gender is sure she did commit this act other wise i don't think he/she would have made this thread if they were just going by suspicion.

i hope inshaAllah for her sake she will mend her ways and change for the better. also i would recommend you get her involved with some pious sisters at her local mosque.. get her to intend islamic lectures with them. arrange weekly taleems every week for her. you could get in contact with the imaam at the mosque, give her number to him and he will pass her number on to a sister who organises the taleems. she can benefit from it and gain knowledge through attending these group circles and learn about her deen.

she just needs a push in the right direction then Allah swt will do the rest.

please encourage her as best you can
:wa:

 

[Sawdah]

I strongly suggests her to listen to Bilal Assad's : Ahmad The Repenter

From Kalamullah:

The speaker commences the lecture by explaining the importance of repenting to Allah without despairing from His Mercy and forgiveness. The main topic of this talk is about the recent unforgetfull true story of a man called Ahmad, who struggled to live a normal life after committing a major sin. The speaker takes us on a rollacaster ride with Ahmad on his quest for forgiveness, sharing with us his joy and sadness and details the lessons that can be learnt from this emotional, heartbreaking story.


Link to the lecture:http://www.kalamullah.com/Bilal Assad/Bilal Assad - Ahmad The Repenter.mp3
Source:http://www.kalamullah.com/bilal-assad.html

 

[AnonymousPoster]

It happened a few years ago but I found out recently when I walked in on her talking to him on msn. she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent. she didn't know I was behind her.

 

[*KB*]

and Peace to All

I understand that you are confused and are seeking advice. I think Brother IbnAbdulHakim's advice is one to go by and also Brother Alpha Dude's. The advice given by the rest of the Brothers and Sisters are important to take notice from but all i can say is to make Duaa to Allah for Allah is Most Merciful and All Knowing.

To be honest, you shouldnt have been reading her conversation :/ But whatever Allah does, Allah does for the best.

Insha'Allah you will find peace and find a solution in which you find comfort in. Take Care.

and Peace
*KB*
:coolious:

 

[Asiyah3]

she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent.

None of us is free from sin. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners are those who turn (to Allah) in repentance.”

May Allah guide her

 

[sevgi]

Its been two years. She older and smarter and obviously loves the guy enough to encourage him to repent. Maybe you should love her that much too.

Seriously, over time, you find yourself doing things you would have killed others for doing. Never let anger get the best of you. It is poison.

She already feels bad about it...and now she just hates herself more...and probably hates you too.

 

[Dagless]

Sister, its her mistake to make, and not something for you to judge or even forgive. Its between her and God.

It happened a few years ago but I found out recently when I walked in on her talking to him on msn. she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent. she didn't know I was behind her.

I hate it when people sneak up on me and I'm sure no matter how good you are you wouldn't want someone reading your private conversations with other people. So don't do it to others. If you see an msn window why look at it? Judge your eavesdropping before judging others. A simple cough when entering a room is sufficient.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Well of course its a major sin and we should not decrease the graveness of the situation by calling it her "honest mistake." You have to be stern with her on this matter. Being stern, HOWEVER, does not mean to insult or to be unjust. If she did it once, she might do it again. She might not. She MUST be reminded of the graveness of the situation and the filthy nature of the act.

After constant warnings, if she does not stop and continues to talk to the same lunatic guy and your parents find out, they have every right to correct her and if she does not understand, they can tell her to move out. No good Muslim wants to live with a constant fornicator.

 

[Woodrow]

Sins are contagious. When we learn of the sins of another we often experience anger and fall into the sins of Judgment and back-biting.

Far better to let Allaah(swt) handle the sins of others. Our best choice is to let our anger subside and then with love, point out to the offender the need to repent and to remember that we are not the ones who committed the sin, even if we are hurt by it.

 

[Danah]

What happened had happened now, you can't change anything. You are not sure even if its true that it happened.
You are not sure even if she was welling that to happen or she was a victim. The only thing you can do now is helping her to be a better person instead of leaving her being astray in that path.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Not the poster


Woah so she repented and you went off on her? What gives you the right to do that? seriously some people just confuse me. are miss perfect over there? free of sin completely?

people makes mistakes. theres a woman who goes to my masjid and she used to be a PROSTITUTE, she even has some tattoos on her arms that she covers up now but ive seen them in the wash room.
shes married now to a muslim man and has children with him and is one of the most active woman in our community doing all kinds of wonderful things for the masjid
the point: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES!!
no one has the right to atttack ANYONE. youre being selfish for making this about YOU who cares how YOU feel about this, you either should focus on helping her out or stay out of it altogether

 

[AlbanianMuslim]

Sins are contagious. When we learn of the sins of another we often experience anger and fall into the sins of Judgment and back-biting.

Far better to let Allaah(swt) handle the sins of others. Our best choice is to let our anger subside and then with love, point out to the offender the need to repent and to remember that we are not the ones who committed the sin, even if we are hurt by it.

As always you say it best.

Call me crazy but I feel like this thread should be closed. There isnt much to discuss here and its starting to feel like backbiting. Every post has a theme here and that is for the original poster to let it go and strive to encourage her relative or friend or whoever it is to repent and pray for forgiveness.

 

[cat eyes]

Not the poster


Woah so she repented and you went off on her? What gives you the right to do that? seriously some people just confuse me. are miss perfect over there? free of sin completely?

people makes mistakes. theres a woman who goes to my masjid and she used to be a PROSTITUTE, she even has some tattoos on her arms that she covers up now but ive seen them in the wash room.
shes married now to a muslim man and has children with him and is one of the most active woman in our community doing all kinds of wonderful things for the masjid
the point: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES!!
no one has the right to atttack ANYONE. youre being selfish for making this about YOU who cares how YOU feel about this, you either should focus on helping her out or stay out of it altogether

no this thread should not be closed but this post above should be deleted! its not helping anyone either. please be a little more gentle. u are not in the persons shoes