How does one know if he is sincere ? I'm also having anger issues

[Studentofdeed]

My imam was taking about you can never be sure if your deeds are accepted. The other day I gave someone 2 beautiful birds with cage and some food because I wanted to please allah and help others and wanted the birds to be happy. I gave this brother with everything and he asked how much money. I said do not worry about it, it's free. He said inshallah I will give you free food. He usually makes food and sells it. He knows I like the food so he said he will give me free food. I said inshallah okay. I waited and asked his son for the food but he said they gave it to someone else. I got irritated. I later asked them if they plan on giving me the food but he response was maybe. He then proceeds to ask me more birds of what I gifted him.Obviously I felt insulted but I feel now guilty for expecting the food. I said no I already gave him 2 birds. He kept on texting me asking for more birds.

Since I told him I already gave him 2 birds was this as reminding of someone of good deeds? Ever since the imam said sincere in good deeds, I feel as if my good deeds are not accepted. Because I want to be a good person and help others and because I do it because I want to feel like I'm a good person and I want to please allah too. But im worried somewhere along my deeds were spoiled. I'm really worried because I want to get to the top of paradise so I can be with the prophet saw. I even feel more guitly because a sin I'm trying to give up, I ended up doing it again. I trying really hard.

I feel guitly and hypocritical because I commit sins and because I made dua against someone who bullied me to insanity. I feel no where closing to being pious. I been having anger issues. I'm not acting on them but I'm having really bad thoughts where I keeping getting temptations to slap people. Of course I dont slap people but I feel guitly for thinking this way. The pious are so close to allah and they have no angsr and no worries. I feel just guitly and useless.

I also feel guitly that when I was desperate 2 years ago, I actually considered leaving islam, but then instead of leaving i decided to learn about it more and decided to be more religous. Alhamdullah I'm so glad I didnt but I feel extremely guitly. I'm losing my mind, please tell me what I should do?

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;

When you give food to a homeless person who cannot pay you back, I think that counts as giving direct to Allah. When we do this with the Street Pastor team, we say to the person we do not want anything back from you. But in the future if your circumstances change, then you can help another poor person, we like to think that acts of kindness can be passed on.

When you give a gift to a rich person and you say that it is free, then you should not expect anything in return. If however he is offering you a gift in return this becomes like a business transaction rather than a gift. If he is texting you and asking for more free birds, you should be free to remind him you are still expecting the food he offered in exchange for the last birds. You are not obliged to give a rich person free gifts, so he should not expect more from you, but you can still be friends.

You may feel you have the right to be angry with him, but if you first mentioned the birds were free, you might just have to write this off and put it down as a lesson you have learned in life.

May you be blessed in all that you do,
Eric

 

[Scimitar]

Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;
you might just have to write this off and put it down as a lesson you have learned in life.

well said.


@Studentofdeed - you gave the birds freely, so be free of expectation! The most satisfied people on earth are those who expect nothing from others and seek only the countenance of their Lord, Allah!

 

[Studentofdeed]

What about the fact that I made dua against someone? Or the fact I get tempted to slap people and get irritated. Obviously I'm not but I'm stressed. The fact that I sinned again. Nowhere I do feel close enough to be among the highest levels of jannah. I want to be in the top to be the prophet saw and the 4 caliphs. What the sheikh said it depends if allah gives it or not. I want to go there and be among the best. Yet I'm scared if allah reject any of my good deeds from the past. Is there any way to get allah to accept them? If I may have spoiled one in the past, can i ask allah to accept it and forgive whatever bad intention it was for?