How important is 'education' for a husband?

[anonymous]

I'm in my 20s and really don't see myself going anywhere in the future (career wise). I never knew what I wanted to be when I got older and I still don't. I've attended college for more time then I'd like to admit and have changed majors several times without finding anything that suites me. I will admit that I'm not much of a school person and enjoy working regular physical labor type jobs but, I'm not exactly making big bucks doing it. I don't consider myself to be stupid by any means and I see myself as a pretty well spoken person but, I'm just not a school person.

I have an older sister and have seen many guys come over to talk about marriage. Most of these guys seem to be pretty successful and have degrees of some sort (mainly business / medical). It seems like that is the norm these days and in a way, I feel like I'm left out and would have no place in getting married unless I go out and get a degree of some kind, especially with the amount of Muslima who seem to be doing the same. I don't know.. Am I looking at all this the wrong way?

 

[Woodrow]

A degree is no guarantee of financial success. I have known quite a few unemployed doctors, lawyers and PhDs. At the same time the most successful 3 people I know have had little or no education My step father did very well as a tool and die maker and as an inventor. My son became a millionaire before he was 21 and dropped out of high school before graduation, because he was making over $1000 a week working part time, The first millionaire among my childhood friends got very wealthy cleaning septic tanks and saved enough money before he was 18 to buy some heavy construction equipment and was a multi-Millionaire many times over before he was 20. I have an above average education and more than one advanced degree, but in my entire life I have not earned any where near the money those 3 people earned at very young ages.

Learn what type work you have aptitude in, seek training in it even if it does not lead to a degree, than do your best in that field and you will earn more than many people with degrees.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

a brother with/without a degree is going to mean something different for different sisters...that is, no sister is the same and so their preferences will differ as-well..

different sisters are going to have a different approach to marriage which may determine whether or not they want a brother with a degree.


some may want a husband with a degree becuase of compatibility, (so a sister may have a degree and would want the same from her husband becuase she feels that she can relate to him in that respect)...
it shows intelligence, status, wealth (sometimes a degree=a good job which=a good provider).

others sisters may not want a brother with a degree becuase it simply doesn't bother them whether he did or didn't have one....

my brother isn't a school/studying person either, and he has recently gotten engaged. so not having a degree isn't always going to be a problem.

not every muslimah has a degree either so perhaps it wont bother her that you don't have one.

keep making dua for a wife, despite your circumstances.

 

[GuestFellow]

I'm in my 20s and really don't see myself going anywhere in the future (career wise). I never knew what I wanted to be when I got older and I still don't. I've attended college for more time then I'd like to admit and have changed majors several times without finding anything that suites me. I will admit that I'm not much of a school person and enjoy working regular physical labor type jobs but, I'm not exactly making big bucks doing it. I don't consider myself to be stupid by any means and I see myself as a pretty well spoken person but, I'm just not a school person.

I have an older sister and have seen many guys come over to talk about marriage. Most of these guys seem to be pretty successful and have degrees of some sort (mainly business / medical). It seems like that is the norm these days and in a way, I feel like I'm left out and would have no place in getting married unless I go out and get a degree of some kind, especially with the amount of Muslima who seem to be doing the same. I don't know.. Am I looking at all this the wrong way?

I am not studying a degree either but studying a law qualification. Some people study towards a degree to gain status in society and financial success. There is no need to feel left out. Look at the bright side, no debt. Personally, I rather not be in £30,000 in debt, I don't want to spend the rest of my life paying it off. I think most jobs require qualifications but not all jobs require a degree...in fact more jobs require experience.

Forget women who are looking for husbands with degrees. There will be women out there that don't care whether you have a degree or not.

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

My son became a millionaire before he was 21 and dropped out of high school before graduation, because he was making over $1000 a week working part time, The first millionaire among my childhood friends got very wealthy cleaning septic tanks and saved enough money before he was 18 to buy some heavy construction equipment and was a multi-Millionaire many times over before he was 20. I have an above average education and more than one advanced degree, but in my entire life I have not earned any where near the money those 3 people earned at very young ages.

US is indeed a land of opportunities.

 

[Strzelecki]

so a sister may have a degree and would want the same from her husband becuase she feels that she can relate to him in that respect)...
it shows intelligence, status, wealth

Words can NOT describe how flawed this is.
Any idiot can get a degree, believe me. I know a lot of idiots who have multiple.
A lot of people keep studying because they don't wanna get into the workforce, even.

The workforce is a much more 'dog eat dog' scenario for sure. A lot less sheltered, a lot more shrewed. They don't call it the 'real world' for nothing.

Let's face it.
School is comfortable.
Real life is paying the rent and the bills.
That's that.

Now, I'm not hating on any students, or anyone with a degree. As I myself right now am investigating furthering my education.
I just want to make it clear a degree, is not and should never be used as a form of status. It's a personal choice, and a lot of people with degrees are shovelling crap while a lot people without are living the life.
All this emphasis that is put on degrees is ridiculous, and so many people fall into the silly pattern of studying for the sake of studies because they've been made to feel they have to, to get anywhere.

My point? Brother, if university isn't for you - don't waste another second and toss it to the curb. You can ALWAYS go back when you find or think of your calling inshaAllah. Start making money, start saving, start building your life over wasting time studying for the sake of it. Actually get some fruit for your hard work, if you follow me...

As for sisters putting such an emphasis on degrees. Forget that and forget them, their mentality is flawed. If you can pay the bills and support them for you both live in comfort, are good in your deen and your character. Then you're doing your part, no need to bend over backwards for some 'princess' who would rather you be an unhappy Doctor than ecstatic labourer.
All in all, it's sad that some seem to lack the trust in Allah swt they need that He will provide, and need a piece of paper to show you are 'qualified' to marry them and support them. Marriage is a commitment, not a career move. Personally, I've come to realise that if I need to be x, y or z for any sister to be interested - even if I do meet her criteria, I don't wish to be involved with someone with priorities like that. We wouldn't be compatible mentally, in the end. You need a sister who wants you, not any prestige you may or may not hold superificially.

May Allah swt grant you what's best. Ameen.

Of course, you can choose to ignore this. Just my views.
I hope it helped, even if only a little.

 

[Muhaba]

If you want to marry a woman who holds a degree then most probably you'll need to get one too. From what i've seen, a lot of women want a husband with an education equal to or higher than their own. I'm not sure if some women might consider marrying a person with a good job title or a self-employed person who earns a lot but doesn't have a college education. It is true that education doesn't really ensure that a person gets a good job and there are people who don't have a high education but are very qualified and hold better jobs than degree holders, but a degree is a symbol of qualification and without one how would we know whether a person is qualified or not, unless he holds a good job or is earning a lot of money? Still education shouldn't be the deciding factor in marriage. A better thing to look at is a person's religion. However, there should be some way to know whether the person is qualified or not and a complete illiterate shouldn't expect to get married to a degree holder. Everyone should try to get a good education both scientific education as well as religious education.

If you only have a high school education, then you can consider marrying someone with a high school diploma or try to go to a vocational school for a couple of years and get an associates degree. or you can even study on your own through a correspondence school and get either a diploma or a two-year degree in your preferred vocation. You might even want to try studying Islamic education and get a degree in that field.

 

[Strzelecki]

Look Mahuba - with respect for what you're saying I definitely disagree and feel a burning urge to say something here.
You can measure someone's intelligence, ability, open mindedness and compatibility by the style of conversation and interaction you hold with them. Full stop. It just doesn't and shouldn't come down to a goofy piece of paper literally any idiot can obtain.
If anyone thinks having a degree puts them above someone else, male or female - well, that's that. It just really goes to show that they didn't study purely to better themselves or their career, but prestige played a part in it too. It's one thing to be proud of your achievements, but to think they put you in a league above anyone else is absurd and comes down to pride and arrogance. Point blank.
I'm not saying this because I'm 'uneducated' either (I'm not.)

As for the brother who has posted this topic, if he doesn't see himself getting a degree, then why should he? Why should he study for the sake of studying? It's such a waste of time, if it's not what you're about.
He doesn't know what his calling is, that's the first step he needs to take, really.

Just a bit more advice, bro. And I hope this helps.
Take some time out, live life and do a lot of thinking. If you come to the conclusion you want/need to study - FANTASTIC, do so. If you come to the conclusions there's other ways, more suited to you that don't involve study - go for them.
If any sister is going to sit on her high horse and hold silly views about 'degrees being the only way', why do you need her?
Live to please Allah swt and do what's right by you! You're still single right now, and building your life, don't worry about others. Worry about you, your imaan and your well-being. After marriage/children, you simply won't have the opportunity to do this again inshaAllah.
So long as in the end you're doing what you love, it's halal and you're doing it right and you can live with it, nothing else matters.

Would you rather be the Doctor who dreads going to work everyday, comes home exhausted and angry but has prestige to his job and 'bragging rights' and impresses everyone else?
Or would you rather stick to your guns, do what will define you, what you benefit from, and what you LOVE going to every morning, and bring you home in a happy and good mood to be a good and up-lifting father/husband inshaAllah?

I'm sorry, these are just my views follow or disregard, upto you.
Maybe it's because I'm not that Doctor, Lawyer or Engineer, nor do I aspire to be. And what I want to do in the long run, well it's not prestigious nor gonna make me millions. But, it'll make me happy and i'll enjoy it inshaAllah.

 

[Amat Allah]

:bism:

Me neither, I don`t see you as a stupid person my respected and noble brother, May Allah open for you all the doors of success, goodness and happiness in this life and in the hereafter and all the Ummah Ameeen... just don`t give up and you will find something that you are not good in it but the best in shaa Allah...

There are many amazing people out there; not educated, married and living happialy in peace...and please always know and remember that degrees never been a measure of manliness and will not be ever... you are a man and the one whom Allah made for you will in shaa Allah wait for you till you find her ;whether you have degrees or not...May Allah be with you Ameeeen

take care of yourself ...

with all my respect and humility...

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Brother buriedaway, all i was just trying to point out is why some sisters may want/choose a husband with a degree becuase for them it may be for status, etc. thats just their "yardstick" and preference. i wasn't saying whether it was right or wrong in them doing so, but just stating the mere fact of why some sisters may choose a brother with a degree.

 

[Strzelecki]

I wasn't intending to come at you, sister.
I'm just informing the brother there's no need for him to do things for the satisfaction of anyone but Allah swt and for the sake of staying true to who he is.

If a sister can't love a good Muslim brother who is true to himself and provide her her rights, well, she's simply selling herself short in the long run and it's her problem. Not this brothers, mine, or any other brother's.

One thing that really saddens me, is all the brothers out there who force themselves into things because it will help them get 'in good' with a family, or help their prospects with other people.
It's superficial, and frankly a stupid mentality that will just lead to problems.

I apologise if I worded my post harshly, but I do not apologise for a second for it's sentiments.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^ no worries inshallah.

i actually agree with you...you shouldn't change for anyone and should stay true to yourself -incidentally some sisters like that aswell.

 

[GuestFellow]

My point? Brother, if university isn't for you - don't waste another second and toss it to the curb. You can ALWAYS go back when you find or think of your calling inshaAllah. Start making money, start saving, start building your life over wasting time studying for the sake of it. Actually get some fruit for your hard work, if you follow me...

You've raised a good point here. You can always study for a degree later. This way you can save up for you degree and research in what you really want to do.

 

[YusufNoor]

I'm in my 20s and really don't see myself going anywhere in the future (career wise). I never knew what I wanted to be when I got older and I still don't. I've attended college for more time then I'd like to admit and have changed majors several times without finding anything that suites me. I will admit that I'm not much of a school person and enjoy working regular physical labor type jobs but, I'm not exactly making big bucks doing it. I don't consider myself to be stupid by any means and I see myself as a pretty well spoken person but, I'm just not a school person.

I have an older sister and have seen many guys come over to talk about marriage. Most of these guys seem to be pretty successful and have degrees of some sort (mainly business / medical). It seems like that is the norm these days and in a way, I feel like I'm left out and would have no place in getting married unless I go out and get a degree of some kind, especially with the amount of Muslima who seem to be doing the same. I don't know.. Am I looking at all this the wrong way?

Am I looking at all this the wrong way?

ABSOLUTELY! you should say Alhumdulillah that Allah has decreed no love for the dunya in your heart! as we read in Suratul Kahf:

Verily! We have made that which is on earth as an adornment for it, in order that We may test them (mankind) as to which of them are best in deeds. [i.e.those who do good deeds in the most perfect manner, that means to do them (deeds) totally for Allah's sake and in accordance to the legal ways of the Prophet SAW ].

what is better than the dunya? again, we see wisdom in suratul Kahf:

And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.) morning and afternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has been lost.

and even MORE wisdom:

Verily! As for those who believe and do righteous deeds, certainly! We shall not suffer to be lost the reward of anyone who does his (righteous) deeds in the most perfect manner. These! For them will be 'Adn (Eden) Paradise (everlasting Gardens); wherein rivers flow underneath them, therein they will be adorned with bracelets of gold, and they will wear green garments of fine and thick silk. They will recline therein on raised thrones. How good is the reward, and what an excellent Murtafaqa (dwelling, resting place, etc.)!

continuing:

And put forward to them the example of the life of this world, it is like the water (rain) which We send down from the sky, and the vegetation of the earth mingles with it, and becomes fresh and green. But (later) it becomes dry and broken pieces, which the winds scatter. And Allah is Able to do everything.Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds (five compulsory prayers, deeds of Allah's obedience, good and nice talk, remembrance of Allah with glorification, praises and thanks, etc.), that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope. And [warn of] the Day when We will remove the mountains and you will see the earth prominent, and We will gather them and not leave behind from them anyone.

keeping the above in mind, let's review your concerns:

I feel like I'm left out and would have no place in getting married unless I go out and get a degree of some kind, especially with the amount of Muslima who seem to be doing the same

IF you've been studying a while, you MUST have some credits, eh? starting from this moment, review and see what the is LEAST you could do to acquire SOME KIND of degree. why waste the time that you've been there?

THEN, as soon as you've figured out what it might take, IMMEDIATELY seek to increase the amount of prayers that you perform at the Masjid! learn your Din!

seek forgiveness from Alla at night:

Hadith Qudsi 35:
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:

Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud).

In a version by Muslim the Hadith ends with the words:

And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.

learn Tawheed:

Hadith Qudsi 34:
On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: Allah the Almighty said:

O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.

It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.

seek to spend in Charity:

Hadith Qudsi 11:
On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (PBUH), who said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said:

Spend (on charity), O son of Adam, and I shall spend on you.

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim).

Hadith Qudsi 18:
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) will say on the Day of Resurrection:

O son of Adam, I fell ill and you visited Me not. He will say: O Lord, and how should I visit You when You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: Did you not know that My servant So-and-so had fallen ill and you visited him not? Did you not know that had you visited him you would have found Me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for food and you fed Me not. He will say: O Lord, and how should I feed You when You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: Did you not know that My servant So-and-so asked you for food and you fed him not? Did you not know that had you fed him you would surely have found that (the reward for doing so) with Me? O son of Adam, I asked you to give Me to drink and you gave Me not to drink. He will say: O Lord, how should I give You to drink whin You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: My servant So-and-so asked you to give him to drink and you gave him not to drink. Had you given him to drink you would have surely found that with Me.

It was related by Muslim.

do all that you can to draw close to Allah, for we read also:

Hadith Qudsi 15:
On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said: Allah the Almighty said:

I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.

(1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be". The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty.

It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).

as for marriage, we have been taught:

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers

to sum up, is education important? YES, but what kind? don't waste the time that you have already spent, but turn to the One Who has already written what it IS that you are going to do!

May Allah guide you and make it easy on you and may you choose the right path, In Sha'a Allah!

:wa:

 

[Asiyah3]

Look Mahuba - with respect for what you're saying I definitely disagree and feel a burning urge to say something here.
You can measure someone's intelligence, ability, open mindedness and compatibility by the style of conversation prestige interaction you hold with them. Full stop. It j
ust doesn't and shouldn't come down to a goofy piece of paper literally any idiot can obtain.
If anyone thinks having a degree puts them above someone else, male or female - well, that's that. It just really goes to show that they didn't study purely to better themselves or their career, but played a part in it too. It's one thing to be proud of your achievements, but to think they put you in a league above anyone else is absurd and comes down to pride and arrogance. Point blank.
I'm not saying this because I'm 'uneducated' either (I'm not.)

As for the brother who has posted this topic, if he doesn't see himself getting a degree, then why should he? Why should he study for the sake of studying? It's such a waste of time, if it's not what you're about.
He doesn't know what his calling is, that's the first step he needs to take, really.

Just a bit more advice, bro. And I hope this helps.
Take some time out, live life and do a lot of thinking. If you come to the conclusion you want/need to study - FANTASTIC, do so. If you come to the conclusions there's other ways, more suited to you that don't involve study - go for them.
If any sister is going to sit on her high horse and hold silly views about 'degrees being the only way', why do you need her?
Live to please Allah swt and do what's right by you! You're still single right now, and building your life, don't worry about others. Worry about you, your imaan and your well-being. After marriage/children, you simply won't have the opportunity to do this again inshaAllah.
So long as in the end you're doing what you love, it's halal and you're doing it right and you can live with it, nothing else matters.

Would you rather be the Doctor who dreads going to work everyday, comes home exhausted and angry but has prestige to his job and 'bragging rights' and impresses everyone else?
Or would you rather stick to your guns, do what will define you, what you benefit from, and what you LOVE going to every morning, and bring you home in a happy and good mood to be a good and up-lifting father/husband inshaAllah?

I'm sorry, these are just my views follow or disregard, upto you.
Maybe it's because I'm not that Doctor, Lawyer or Engineer, nor do I aspire to be. And what I want to do in the long run, well it's not prestigious nor gonna make me millions. But, it'll make me happy and i'll enjoy it inshaAllah.

"A goofy piece of paper"? Please don't belittle the hard work of others. Being a medical student or a doctor is very hard and stressful. I agree marriage shouldn't come down to a person having a degree. But I haven't the impression that it's not easy to find a job without a degree (qualification). A person shouln't study for something he doesn't like. One shouln't study for the sake of marriage (or parents/people), but for himself. However, I disagree that if a person doesn't like studying, he shouldn't. Its one thing to not like a job and another thing not to like the studies and hard work that comes with it. How many students would prefer to stay home and not go to school?

This is life. You have to be realistic and look at your future.

Sometimes we have to do things we don't lukea to get to where we want to be. Just my views.

 

[Strzelecki]

In the scheme of things, a degree is irrelevant to marriage. It's not goofy in terms of the work that goes into it, and that's not me belittling that.
It's me simply stating it's a job qualification, and that's all. Not a license to marry, not a measurement of intelligence, and CERTAINLY not a right to put yourself in a league ahead of those who don't have degrees. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't see that.
What's also indeed goofy is to say a degree is a necessity to marriage, or a good life, or success. It's nothing of the sort.

How many students would prefer to stay home and not go to school?

Everyone would prefer stay home. Student or worker.
Moot point, sorry.
If you're not studying, you should be working.
Staying at home and bludging isn't the other option.

Studies aren't for everyone, that's a fact. If you aren't happy studying, and don't need it to fulfill your aspirations, don't do it.
Follow your goals, they don't always require study. No one has denied they all take hard work though.

Also, my talk about Doctors was simply an example. I wasn't diminishing their hard work. It was me telling the brother it's not worth being stuck in something he doesn't want because it'll look good to others.

 

[anonymous]

I want to THANK each and everyone of you very much for helping shed some light on all of this. You all bring up very good points. I was typing out a pretty lengthy post as a reply to all of the points here (some I agree with and some I don't) but, most of what I planned on saying has already been mentioned and I think this is pretty sufficient. Thanks again everyone.

 

[Yanal]

Being educated is nice but it shouldn't be a factor when determining in whom you will marry or shall accept as a husband. Rather you look at personality and the deen that the other person has. However some people do look for financial status, educated or not, good looking or not over the more important attributes,which is probably why most of the time their marriage is not succesfull from the beginning. Don't worry or fret over this fact insha'Allaah, when Allaah wants he will direct you towards a pious Muslim,insha'allaah.

 

[Muhaba]

Look Mahuba - with respect for what you're saying I definitely disagree and feel a burning urge to say something here.
You can measure someone's intelligence, ability, open mindedness and compatibility by the style of conversation and interaction you hold with them. Full stop. It just doesn't and shouldn't come down to a goofy piece of paper literally any idiot can obtain.
If anyone thinks having a degree puts them above someone else, male or female - well, that's that. It just really goes to show that they didn't study purely to better themselves or their career, but prestige played a part in it too. It's one thing to be proud of your achievements, but to think they put you in a league above anyone else is absurd and comes down to pride and arrogance. Point blank.
I'm not saying this because I'm 'uneducated' either (I'm not.)

Please don't misinterpret what i wrote. i said that a good education is important. i didn't say a degree is important for marriage. A man should be as educated as the woman he wants to marry, whether he got that education by going to school or through self-study, reading books, etc. One doesn't need to do a formal course to get an education. many people learn through reading books they are interested in. however there shoul dbe a way to tell whether the person is intelligent and educated or not.

i don't see why a person should do construction type work unless he can't find a job or he prefers that type of work. there are many ways to learn a skill and then get a job in that field.

 

[Strzelecki]

All I've been saying all along is people should do what they truly see as their calling in life.
Be it law, running a business, plumbing or flippin' burgers.

Make no mistake, this thread is about degrees and further qualifications. In the context of the thread, I don't think I misinterpretted anything?