How to approach the issue of not shaking hands with new manager?

  • Thread starter Thread starter SEB
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 14
  • Views Views 4K
S

SEB

Limited Member
Messages
17
Reaction score
2
Gender
Male
Religion
Islam
As-salamu Alaykum.

I am due to start a new job within the next few weeks and I have been struggling with the issue of shaking hands with the opposite gender. This is a situation I will definitely face and I am keen to avoid it. I have read other threads on this issue and come to the decision that I should email my manager and let him know, in the hope that he would then let the team know before I start. I was thinking of writing:

"Due to religious reasons, I am unable to shake hands with female team members. I thought I would mention this to avoid any potential awkwardness or embarrassment. I hope this does not cause offence and I look forward to meeting the whole team on my first day".

Does this sound ok? I am worried if the manager takes this the wrong way and then withdraws the job offer (I will not be signing my contract until my first day). I really don't want to create the wrong impression and risk losing this job as I have been unemployed for over a year.

Has anyone else done this before and what kind of reaction did they get?

Jazzakallah

Safwaan
 
:salamext:

Any place where you have to compromise your religious values is a place that you should never work in. Be steadfast and show them that you're skilled and intelligent, that you'll get along with everyone in the workplace and that you will inshaa'Allah become a valued member right from the start.

Go ahead and tell them that you won't shake their hands and don't let thoughts of their disapproval enter your mind. Your focus should be to prove that you are a studious, enthusiastic and approachable individual who will get the job done better than the other candidates applying for that job.

May Allah give you a job that will give you success in al-aakhira.
 
Last edited:
Walaikuamsalaam,

I wish you success in this world and the next Ameen.

One of my friends did exactly what you suggested and took a direct approach in rejecting the handshake.

The upsetting thing was the manager was a Muslim man and the interviewee was a Muslim lady and you would automatically expect that one would avoid the handshake etc but that never happened. Bear in mind the manager wasn't practising deen.

The manager came back from the interview and told the rest of us what happened. My male colleague who was a non-muslim found it completely outrageous and advised my manager not to take her on because she wouldn't fit etc. Most of us understood and respected her wishes. Anyways, in the end the manger decided to give her a job.

Alhamdulilah.

I remember when i had my first interview i was faced with the same challenge. To avoid the handshake i occupied my hands with my college books as i had just finished college for the day and had an interview straight after.

So i suppose you could try and do the same thing? Occupy your hands with your certificate folder, a bottle of water, record of achievement folder and so on. Anything which may give the impression you are not in a good position to shake hands.

Hope that helps!

TIPS FOR INTERVIEW

 Research about the company so you can show you're interested and you've done a bit of background research. This goes a long way!



Think of qualities/experience/educational achievements you may have which make you suitable for the position



Do you have any transferrable skills that you can use for this role?



Think of your weaknesses and strengths and try and turn the weakness into a strength as well. For example, i am very committed to the role so much so, that i forget to take my breaks. I have tried to overcome this by asking a colleague to remind me to take my breaks or i write down my break times.


& all the best with the interview! Hope it goes well for you in sha Allah.
 
Last edited:
I have already been offered the job Alhamdullilah. My question is about how to approach the situation of shaking hands when meeting the team on my first day. To avoid this inevitable situation, I wanted to email my manager so he could tell the rest of the team. However I'm not sure if this is the right way to go about this as I don't want him to withdraw the job offer (I'm still waiting to officially sign my contract).
 
BeTheChange said:
Walaikuamsalaam,

I wish you success in this world and the next Ameen.

One of my friends did exactly what you suggested and took a direct approach in rejecting the handshake.

The upsetting thing was the manager was a Muslim man and the interviewee was a Muslim lady and you would automatically expect that one would avoid the handshake etc but that never happened. Bear in mind the manager wasn't practising deen.

The manager came back from the interview and told the rest of us what happened. My male colleague who was a non-muslim found it completely outrageous and advised my manager not to take her on because she wouldn't fit etc. Most of us understood and respected her wishes. Anyways, in the end the manger decided to give her a job.

Alhamdulilah.

I remember when i had my first interview i was faced with the same challenge. To avoid the handshake i occupied my hands with my college books as i had just finished college for the day and had an interview straight after.

So i suppose you could try and do the same thing? Occupy your hands with your certificate folder, a bottle of water, record of achievement folder and so on. Anything which may give the impression you are not in a good position to shake hands.

Hope that helps!

TIPS FOR INTERVIEW

 Research about the company so you can show you're interested and you've done a bit of background research. This goes a long way!



Think of qualities/experience/educational achievements you may have which make you suitable for the position



Do you have any transferrable skills that you can use for this role?



Think of your weaknesses and strengths and try and turn the weakness into a strength as well. For example, i am very committed to the role so much so, that i forget to take my breaks. I have tried to overcome this by asking a colleague to remind me to take my breaks or i write down my break times.


& all the best with the interview! Hope it goes well for you in sha Allah.
Click to expand...

I have already been offered the job Alhamdullilah. My question is about how to approach the situation of shaking hands when meeting the team on my first day. To avoid this inevitable situation, I wanted to email my manager so he could tell the rest of the team. However I'm not sure if this is the right way to go about this as I don't want him to withdraw the job offer (I'm still waiting to officially sign my contract).
 
Asalamualykum,

Well done for passing the interview.

May Allah swt help you remember HIM in everything that you do Ameen.

It depends on the nature of the job role.

If it's an office based job i don't think it's too much of an issue.

You can just verbally say, my name is x, lovely to meet you and don't offer the hand.

As social creatures we pick up more from a person's body language.

& if you find yourself in a situation where a female colleague is offering to shake your hands, just politely refuse and explain out of respect for you and myself that's not something i approve of etc.

I personally wouldn’t approach my manager and turn it into a big announcement because you may not be put in that situation. If you are you can politely refuse and explain.

That’s how I would approach the issue.

All the best!
 
BeTheChange said:
Asalamualykum,

Well done for passing the interview.

May Allah swt help you remember HIM in everything that you do Ameen.

It depends on the nature of the job role.

If it's an office based job i don't think it's too much of an issue.

You can just verbally say, my name is x, lovely to meet you and don't offer the hand.

As social creatures we pick up more from a person's body language.

& if you find yourself in a situation where a female colleague is offering to shake your hands, just politely refuse and explain out of respect for you and myself that's not something i approve of etc.

I personally wouldn’t approach my manager and turn it into a big announcement because you may not be put in that situation. If you are you can politely refuse and explain.

That’s how I would approach the issue.

All the best!
Click to expand...

It is in a office. I think you are right in not approaching my manager as I don't want it to be turned into a big thing. Just have to politely decline if the situation arises which is very daunting as I haven't done this before.
 
Well as long as your not stupid about it I'm sure they will be fine.

I once got promoted to another team and sat awkwardly for a week on a desk opposite them.

...my manager came back and sacked me :D

:|
 
Asalamualykum,

I can completely understand where you are coming from.

I think most people want to fit in and be accepted by their colleagues and especially if you are looking for a promotion.

However, you must remember to be true to yourself and more importantly, to be true to your religion in any situation.

This is just one situation where you are tested in.

It doesn't matter what you do people will always have an opinion of you. You can't run away from people talking.

Whether it's true or false, singing your praises or not, there will always be an opinion.

So just do what you need to do, concentrate on the job at hand and everything else will fall into place.

I don't know if it gives you confidence but any new workplace i go to i read my salaah Alhamdulilah.

After i do my wuzu, i tend to walk around in my flip flops (as my feet are still wet) and when my feet are dry i change into my shoes.

Of course i get funny looks and the odd stare and if anyone wants an explanation am more than happy to give them one. Overall, if anything, i have had people come up to me with many positive comments and some were even interested in Islam.

I think some people would be embarassed to be seen washing thier feet in the ladies toilets but my non-muslim colleagues have seen me doing just that and if am honest, it doesn't bother me because this is who i am. If people are not happy then the world is big enough for people to distance themselves.

We were all invited to a team meal and i excused myself and prayed my maghrib salaah in the restaurant. My non-Muslim colleagues questioned where i was going and i explained it was time to pray and we had a little discussion about the importance of praying and how Muslims are commanded to pray 5 times a day etc.

If you don't practise your deen, your actions will soon turn into your habits and you will forget your deen very easily or you may become too busy in dunya so just implement your deen in your daily activities and in sha Allah, practising your deen will become very easy for you. In sha Allah.

May Allah swt protect us all Ameen.
 
Wa alaikum salaam.

Sounds perfect.

Kindly do the following :

1. Perform two rakaats salaah asking for Allah's help

2. Make istighfaar (reciting استغفر الله)

3. Remember you making Allah happy, Allah will make you happy.

4. Give some charity before first day.

Should you require a formal letter I am more then willing to assist.

May Allah make it easy for you and protect you. Aameen
 
Ignorance on display here ---

Why is a man not allowed to shake the hand of a woman?
 
Greetings,

Speaking as a non-Muslim from the UK, I'm not sure you will stand out or offend anyone if you don't shake hands. Men and women certainly don't always shake hands on formal occasions here. I think if you are meeting an individual, you can look at them and smile, and perhaps give a little nod of your head and that should be absolutely fine.

Secondly, any employer who refuses you a job because of your religion is breaking the law. Yes, prejudice against Muslims does exist, but if an employer is prepared to discriminate against you for this reason then you would most likely be better off working somewhere else anyway.

Peace
 
Assalamu-alaikum,

I personally believe that a direct, but polite, handling of each encounter (of not shaking hands with the opposite gender) results in better outcomes.

E.g
You are introduced to a lady. She instinctively offers you her hand to shake.

Your response --> Do not raise your hand at all. Simply say: Hello... smile, and nod your head in acknowledgement of her...and her hand :-) .
Often the person will drop their hand to the side, rather than leave it uncomfortably suspended in the air.

If this does not occur automatically - continue by saying: Sorry, I dont do the 'hand-shake thing' with the opposite gender (or: I dont shake hands with ladies, or: I'm not allowed to shake hands with ladies, or: Its not possible for me to shake hands with females).

At this point - the person may already understand that your response is related to your beliefs (Nb: if ones outward appearance/ attire reflects the sunnah - i.e beard/ thobe for men and strict hijab/ niqab for women - then this makes the process much easier. If the deen is not apparent from the external appearance - this would conceivably make it more difficult, or one may need to clarify that they are muslim).
In addition - if the person is unaware of your reasoning (or asks why are you 'not allowed to shake hands') - it can be an indirect means for dawah (added bonus!)

I personally dont think an email is a good option because:
1. Its not possible for the email to reach every person that you will encounter in your working career.
2. It draws attention directly upon yourself and your beliefs - i.e. you will already be setting yourself up to an environment where your colleagues may not be pleased by a new-comer 'laying down their rules'.)


Remember - there's never a need to be apologetic or ashamed of our beliefs and way of life.
There's only truth and beauty in all that Allah and his Nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) has decreed for us. Even if any difficulty has to arise from from following Quraan and Sunnah - it is only a means of testing your convictions, and only related to this temporary dunya.
The pleasure of Allah far outweighs any apparent hardship that may result from our faith and practice.


All the best with the new career.

May Allah reward you abundantly, and make you a means of dawah at your workplace as well.
Ameen
 
Last edited:
czgibson said:
Greetings,

Speaking as a non-Muslim from the UK, I'm not sure you will stand out or offend anyone if you don't shake hands. Men and women certainly don't always shake hands on formal occasions here. I think if you are meeting an individual, you can look at them and smile, and perhaps give a little nod of your head and that should be absolutely fine.

Secondly, any employer who refuses you a job because of your religion is breaking the law. Yes, prejudice against Muslims does exist, but if an employer is prepared to discriminate against you for this reason then you would most likely be better off working somewhere else anyway.

Peace
Click to expand...

It's always hard to prove the discrimination as employers can easily say i didn't employ you because of x, y and z and they won't openly advise it's because of the handshake that i didn't give you employment.
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top