How to deal with my mom who wants me to be a disbeliever?

[Nitro Zeus]

Assalamu alaikum,

I am in a very serious condition now, my mom is a Christian and she wants me to be out of the fold of Islam, she told me yesterday like this: "you spend almost everyday with crazy people on internet and you ask stupid questions". And I asked her what stupid questions? And I said: "To want to know ways of avowing the grave punishment is stupid?' And she says: "yes". And I told her: "But mom, I don't want to deal with after life punishment at all, I want to be saved from it" and then I asked her: "do you suggest me not to care about the grave punishment and to accept the grave punishment even if I will have it?" and she says: "yes, do everyone else, everyone will gona face this and they accept it, but they concentrate more in worldly life than Hereafter"

It seems like she wants me to be a kafir by not caring of more Hereafter than worldly life.

What should I do? Should I obey her in this case? Or should I reject her wish? She wants me to concentrate more in worldly life than Hereafter and she tells me that I can do this when I will be old, and now its not the time for it...

 

[Mandy]

This is a hard question to answer.
It sounds like your mother is worried you might spend too much time on the internet and she is worried about you. I sincerely don't think she actually wants you to be punished in the afterlife. Sometimes, especially when parents are worried, it is common to amplify responses just to make a point. Maybe talk more openly with your mother to find out exactly what is bothering her? Understanding her thinking will get you a long way in helping your relationship with her.

 

['Abdullah]

Assalamu alaikum,

I am in a very serious condition now, my mom is a Christian and she wants me to be out of the fold of Islam, she told me yesterday like this: "you spend almost everyday with crazy people on internet and you ask stupid questions". And I asked her what stupid questions? And I said: "To want to know ways of avowing the grave punishment is stupid?' And she says: "yes". And I told her: "But mom, I don't want to deal with after life punishment at all, I want to be saved from it" and then I asked her: "do you suggest me not to care about the grave punishment and to accept the grave punishment even if I will have it?" and she says: "yes, do everyone else, everyone will gona face this and they accept it, but they concentrate more in worldly life than Hereafter"

It seems like she wants me to be a kafir by not caring of more Hereafter than worldly life.

What should I do? Should I obey her in this case? Or should I reject her wish? She wants me to concentrate more in worldly life than Hereafter and she tells me that I can do this when I will be old, and now its not the time for it...

Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

Since I have been reading most of your posts, I think I understand your situation better. Just be respectful to your mother, offer only what is obligatory and give your family proper time. It is important to have balance in your life. With your behavior, you have a good chance to preach Islam to your mother with your good attitude. I pray that one day she accepts Islam inshallah.

I also have an idea which I was thinking about yesterday. Alhamdulillah you seem to be very keep to learn about Islam and want to do many good deeds which is great. Problem is that you are relying too much on "Sheikh google" or " sheikh Internet." You are only 20 and this is the time for you to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Why don't you apply for Islamic education in Medina University. That way you will learn directly from Islamic scholars and inshallah one day you can be a scholar yourself. Think about it seriously.

All the best!

 

[Nitro Zeus]

Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

Since I have been reading most of your posts, I think I understand your situation better. Just be respectful to your mother, offer only what is obligatory and give your family proper time. It is important to have balance in your life. With your behavior, you have a good chance to preach Islam to your mother with your good attitude. I pray that one day she accepts Islam inshallah.

I also have an idea which I was thinking about yesterday. Alhamdulillah you seem to be very keep to learn about Islam and want to do many good deeds which is great. Problem is that you are relying too much on "Sheikh google" or " sheikh Internet." You are only 20 and this is the time for you to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Why don't you apply for Islamic education in Medina University. That way you will learn directly from Islamic scholars and inshallah one day you can be a scholar yourself. Think about it seriously.

All the best!

That's great idea! I will tell my parents about that. Yes, but also a scholar can be very dangerous because on the Day of Judgment, Allah will ask a scholar what he has done with the knowledge He gave to him and if he lies by telling to convey the message to do good, then he wil be punished, so I don't think I want to become a scholar, its very risky for me. If I have the knowledge of a scholar, I would use it for my own good and to try to convince my mom and my other half of my family to convert to Islam willingly, that's it. Would kind of intention acceptable in Islam? Or it is a bad intention I have?

 

['Abdullah]

That's great idea! I will tell my parents about that. Yes, but also a scholar can be very dangerous because on the Day of Judgment, Allah will ask a scholar what he has done with the knowledge He gave to him and if he lies by telling to convey the message to do good, then he wil be punished, so I don't think I want to become a scholar, its very risky for me. If I have the knowledge of a scholar, I would use it for my own benefits and to try to convince my mom and my other half of my family to convert to Islam willingly, that's it. Would kind of intention acceptable in Islam? Or it is a bad intention I have?

You are looking at one side of the picture. Yes it is very dangerous when scholars issue fatwas to please people. Of course such scholars will be first one to be thrown in the hell fire.

On the other side, if someone does not care what people will think of his opinion on a particular matter and will always use Quran and Hadith to support his opinion then such a scholar has a very big reward. If his opinion is right then he will get double the reward and even if his opinion is wrong he will still get the reward for using Quran and hadith to come up with his opinion. All creations in the world including all creations in the ocean pray for such a scholar all day long. Its lot of sadqa jariya.

But for now, just focus on getting your Islamic education first. Spend 5-10 years in Medina. Once you have acquired knowledge, you will definitely be a different person and would like to share what you learned purely to please Allah. May Allah help you to understand Islam and make you a source to spread the message of Islam.

Think about how you are going to discuss this with your parents. Don't shock them by brining this topic all of a sudden. Your father is Muslim so may be talk to him first when he is in a good mood and make sure its just between you and your dad. Tell him that you want to learn more about Islam and you don't want to rely on internet but would rather like to learn about Islam directly from scholars. Ask if he would support you if you would like to go to Medina or Egypt for education in Islamic studies? He may not expect this from you so expect that he may be upset. Tell him to take his time and think about it. Talk to him again after few days and once you have the support of your father then you can discuss with him how to discuss this with your mom and rest of the family. May Allah make it easy for you. I know for a fact that it will be hard and challenging to convince your parents for this. Pray to Allah that he makes this easy for you without disobeying your parents.

 

[Mandy]

. Yes, but also a scholar can be very dangerous because on the Day of Judgment, Allah will ask a scholar what he has done with the knowledge He gave to him and if he lies by telling to convey the message to do good, then he wil be punished, so I don't think I want to become a scholar, its very risky for me.

Do you pln on giving false advice once you have learned what the right answer is?

Yes a scholar needs to be wise and responsible when using his knowledge. Allah granted him the capacity to learn and help others. So abusing that gift is a very bad thing.
Yet so is not using the capacities Allah gave you. we should all try to learn as much as possible. If you have the mind and drive to learn more than most of us and to become a respectful scholar, you should do it and not deny the capacities you were gifted with.

Just always be mindful to use your knowledge wisely and not simply to please people by telling them what they wish to hear.